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Here is the Part of Bee Movie Script I ctrl+c ctrl+v-ed from Internet

2020.11.23 13:00 Henwith_Tie Here is the Part of Bee Movie Script I ctrl+c ctrl+v-ed from Internet

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 - “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos tiempos. BARRY I wonder what it’s going to be like? ADAM A little scary. Barry shakes Adam. BARRY AND ADAM AAHHHH! The tram passes under SIGNS READING: “Honex: A Division of Honesco: A Part of the Hexagon Group.” TRUDY Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco, and a part of the Hexagon group. BARRY This is it! The Honex doors OPEN, revealing the factory. BARRY (CONT’D) Wow. TRUDY We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive where our top secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this... Trudy GRABS a TEST TUBE OF HONEY from a technician. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 7. TRUDY (CONT’D) ...soothing, sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow, you all know as... EVERYONE ON THE TRAM (in unison) H-o-n-e-y. Trudy flips the flask into the crowd, and laughs as they all scramble for it. ANGLE ON: A GIRL BEE catching the honey. ADAM (sotto) That girl was hot. BARRY (sotto) She’s my cousin. ADAM She is? BARRY Yes, we’re all cousins. ADAM Right. You’re right. TRUDY At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress testing a new helmet technology. ANGLE ON: A STUNT BEE in a HELMET getting hit with a NEWSPAPER, then a SHOE, then a FLYSWATTER. He gets up, and gives a “thumb’s up”. The graduate bees APPLAUD. ADAM (re: stunt bee) What do you think he makes? BARRY Not enough. TRUDY And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 8. BARRY Wow, what does that do? TRUDY Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ANGLE ON: The Krelman machine. Bees with hand-shaped hats on, rotating around a wheel to catch drips of honey. Adam’s hand shoots up. ADAM Can anyone work on the Krelman? TRUDY Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. There are over 3000 different bee occupations. But choose carefully, because you’ll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life. The bees CHEER. ANGLE ON: Barry’s smile dropping slightly. BARRY The same job for the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. ADAM What’s the difference? TRUDY And you’ll be happy to know that bees as a species haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. BARRY So you’ll just work us to death? TRUDY (laughing) We’ll sure try. Everyone LAUGHS except Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 9. The tram drops down a log-flume type steep drop. Cameras flash, as all the bees throw up their hands. The frame freezes into a snapshot. Barry looks concerned. The tram continues through 2 doors. FORM DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 175 - “WALKING THE HIVE” INT. HONEX LOBBY ANGLE ON: The log-flume photo, as Barry looks at it. ADAM Wow. That blew my mind. BARRY (annoyed) “What’s the difference?” Adam, how could you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. ADAM Well, I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY But Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM Barry, why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. They walk by a newspaper stand with A SANDWICH BOARD READING: “Bee Goes Berserk: Stings Seven Then Self.” ANGLE ON: A BEE filling his car’s gas tank from a honey pump. He fills his car some, then takes a swig for himself. NEWSPAPER BEE (to the bee guzzling gas) Hey! Barry and Adam begin to cross the street. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 10. BARRY Yeah but Adam, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here? They stop in the middle of the street. The traffic moves perfectly around them. ADAM Like what? Give me one example. BARRY (thinks) ...I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BARRY They know what it’s like to go outside the hive. ADAM Yeah, but some of them don’t come back. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 11. The nectar from the pollen jocks is removed from their backpacks, and loaded into trucks on their way to Honex. A SMALL CROWD forms around the Patrol Bees. Each one has a PIT CREW that takes their nectar. Lou Loduca hurries a pit crew along: LOU LODUCA You guys did great! You’re monsters. You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! SCHOOL GIRLS are jumping up and down and squealing nearby. BARRY I wonder where those guys have just been? ADAM I don’t know. BARRY Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. ADAM You can’t just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. BARRY Right. Pollen Jocks cross in close proximity to Barry and Adam. Some pollen falls off, onto Barry and Adam. BARRY (CONT’D) Look at that. That’s more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime. ADAM (playing with the pollen) It’s just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it. BARRY Perhaps, unless you’re wearing it, and the ladies see you wearing it. ANGLE ON: Two girl bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 12. ADAM Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? BARRY Distant, distant. ANGLE ON: TWO POLLEN JOCKS. JACKSON Look at these two. SPLITZ Couple of Hive Harrys. JACKSON Let’s have some fun with them. The pollen jocks approach. Barry and Adam continue to talk to the girls. GIRL 1 It must be so dangerous being a pollen jock. BARRY Oh yeah, one time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom. He had one paw on my throat, and with the other he was slapping me back and forth across the face. GIRL 1 Oh my. BARRY I never thought I’d knock him out. GIRL 2 (to Adam) And what were you doing during all of this? ADAM Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. The girl swipes some pollen off of Adam with a finger. BARRY (re: pollen) I can autograph that if you want. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 13. JACKSON Little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? BARRY Yeah. Gusty. BUZZ You know, we’re going to hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY Six miles, huh? ADAM (whispering) Barry. BUZZ It’s a puddle-jump for us. But maybe you’re not up for it. BARRY Maybe I am. ADAM (whispering louder) You are not! BUZZ We’re going, oh-nine hundred at JGate. ADAM (re: j-gate) Whoa. BUZZ (leaning in, on top of Barry) What do you think, Buzzy Boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY I might be. It all depends on what oh-nine hundred means. CUT TO: SEQ. 450 - “THE BALCONY” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 14. INT. BENSON HOUSE BALCONY - LATER Barry is standing on the balcony alone, looking out over the city. Martin Benson ENTERS, sneaks up behind Barry and gooses him in his ribs. MARTIN BENSON Honex! BARRY Oh, Dad. You surprised me. MARTIN BENSON (laughing) Have you decided what you’re interested in, Son? BARRY Well, there’s a lot of choices. MARTIN BENSON But you only get one. Martin LAUGHS. BARRY Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN BENSON Son, let me tell you something about stirring. (making the stirring motion) You grab that stick and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. BARRY You know dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. MARTIN BENSON And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 15. BARRY Well no... MARTIN BENSON Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY I’m not trying to be funny. MARTIN BENSON You’re not funny, you’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer. JANET BENSON You’re going to be a stirrer?! BARRY No one’s listening to me. MARTIN BENSON Wait until you see the sticks I have for you. BARRY I can say anything I want right now. I’m going to get an ant tattoo. JANET BENSON Let’s open some fresh honey and celebrate. BARRY Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax! MARTIN BENSON (toasting) To honey! BARRY Shave my antennae! JANET BENSON To honey! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 16. BARRY Shack up with a grasshopper, get a gold tooth, and start calling everybody “Dawg.” CUT TO: SEQ. 760 - “JOB PLACEMENT” EXT. HONEX LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: A BEE BUS STOP. One group of bees stands on the pavement, as another group hovers above them. A doubledecker bus pulls up. The hovering bees get on the top level, and the standing bees get on the bottom. Barry and Adam pull up outside of Honex. ADAM I can’t believe we’re starting work today. BARRY Today’s the day. Adam jumps out of the car. ADAM (O.C) Come on. All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY Yeah, right... ANGLE ON: A BOARD READING: “JOB PLACEMENT BOARD”. Buzzwell, the Bee Processor, is at the counter. Another BEE APPLICANT, SANDY SHRIMPKIN is EXITING. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Is it still available? BUZZWELL Hang on. (he looks at changing numbers on the board) Two left. And...one of them’s yours. Congratulations Son, step to the side please. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 17. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Yeah! ADAM (to Sandy, leaving) What did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time it BOUNCES, the other bees cringe and GASP. ANGLE ON: Barry, terrified. Pure dumb luck, he’s not getting squished. BARRY (with each bounce) Very close...Gonna Hurt...Mamma’s little boy. SPLITZ You are way out of position, rookie. ANGLE ON: Vanessa serving. We see Barry and the ball up against the racket as she brings it back. She tosses the ball into the air; Barry’s eyes widen. The ball is STRUCK, and the rally is on. KEN Coming in at you like a missile! Ken HITS the ball back. Barry feels the g-forces. ANGLE ON: The Pollen Jocks watching Barry pass by them in SLOW MOTION. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 26. BARRY (in slow motion) Help me! JACKSON You know, I don't think these are flowers. SPLITZ Should we tell him? JACKSON I think he knows. BARRY (O.S) What is this?! Vanessa HITS a high arcing lob. Ken waits, poised for the return. We see Barry having trouble maneuvering the ball from fatigue. KEN (overly confident) Match point! ANGLE ON: Ken running up. He has a killer look in his eyes. He’s going to hit the ultimate overhead smash. KEN (CONT'D) You can just start packing up Honey, because I believe you’re about to eat it! ANGLE ON: Pollen Jocks. JACKSON Ahem! Ken is distracted by the jock. KEN What? No! He misses badly. The ball rockets into oblivion. Barry is still hanging on. ANGLE ON: Ken, berating himself. KEN (CONT’D) Oh, you cannot be serious. We hear the ball WHISTLING, and Barry SCREAMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 27. BARRY Yowser!!! SEQ. 1000 - “SUV” The ball flies through the air, and lands in the middle of the street. It bounces into the street again, and sticks in the grille of an SUV. INT. CAR ENGINE - CONTINUOUS BARRY’S POV: the grille of the SUV sucks him up. He tumbles through a black tunnel, whirling vanes, and pistons. BARRY AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OHHHH!! EECHHH!! AHHHHHH!! Barry gets chilled by the A/C system, and sees a frozen grasshopper. BARRY (CONT’D) (re: grasshopper) Eww, gross. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS The car is packed with a typical suburban family: MOTHER, FATHER, eight-year old BOY, LITTLE GIRL in a car seat and a GRANDMOTHER. A big slobbery DOG is behind a grate. Barry pops into the passenger compartment, hitting the Mother’s magazine. MOTHER There’s a bee in the car! They all notice the bee and start SCREAMING. BARRY Aaahhhh! Barry tumbles around the car. We see the faces from his POV. MOTHER Do something! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 28. FATHER I’m driving! Barry flies by the little girl in her CAR SEAT. She waves hello. LITTLE GIRL Hi, bee. SON He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! The car SWERVES around the road. Barry flies into the back, where the slobbery dog SNAPS at him. Barry deftly avoids the jaws and gross, flying SPITTLE. MOTHER Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! Everyone in the car freezes. Barry freezes. They stare at each other, eyes going back and forth, waiting to see who will make the first move. Barry blinks. GRANNY He blinked! Granny pulls out a can of HAIR SPRAY. SON Spray him, Granny! Granny sprays the hair spray everywhere. FATHER What are you doing? GRANNY It’s hair spray! Extra hold! MOTHER Kill it! Barry gets sprayed back by the hair spray, then sucked out of the sunroof. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 29. EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS BARRY Wow. The tension level out here is unbelievable. I’ve got to get home. As Barry flies down the street, it starts to RAIN. He nimbly avoids the rain at first. BARRY (CONT’D) Whoa. Whoa! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in-- A couple of drops hit him, his wings go limp and he starts falling. BARRY (CONT'D) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Barry sees a window ledge and aims for it and just makes it. Shivering and exhausted, he crawls into an open window as it CLOSES. SEQ. 1100 - “VANESSA SAVES BARRY” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Inside the window, Barry SHAKES off the rain like a dog. Vanessa, Ken, Andy, and Anna ENTER the apartment. VANESSA Ken, can you close the window please? KEN Huh? Oh. (to Andy) Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? It folds out. Ken holds up his brochure, with photos of himself, and a resume in the middle. ANGLE ON: Barry hiding behind the curtains, as Ken CLOSES THE WINDOW. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 30. BARRY Oh no, more humans. I don’t need this. Barry HOVERS up into the air and THROWS himself into the glass. BARRY (CONT’D) (dazed) Ow! What was that? He does it again, and then multiple more times. BARRY (CONT'D) Maybe this time...this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time. Barry JUMPS onto the drapes. BARRY (CONT'D) (out of breath) Drapes! (then, re: glass) That is diabolical. KEN It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top ten favorite movies. ANDY What’s your number one? Star Wars? KEN Ah, I don’t go for that, (makes Star Wars noises), kind of stuff. ANGLE ON: Barry. BARRY No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They’re out of their minds. KEN When I walk out of a job interview they’re flabbergasted. They can’t believe the things I say. Barry looks around and sees the LIGHT BULB FIXTURE in the middle of the ceiling. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 31. BARRY (re: light bulb) Oh, there’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. Barry takes off and heads straight for the light bulb. His POV: The seventy-five watt label grows as he gets closer. BARRY (CONT’D) I don’t remember the sun having a big seventy five on it. Barry HITS the bulb and is KNOCKED SILLY. He falls into a BOWL OF GUACAMOLE. Andy dips his chip in the guacamole, taking Barry with it. ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy. KEN I’ll tell you what. You know what? I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Barry’s POV: Giant human mouth opening. KEN (CONT’D) Wait! Stop! Beeeeeee! ANNA Kill it! Kill it! They all JUMP up from their chairs. Andy looks around for something to use. Ken comes in for the kill with a big TIMBERLAND BOOT on each hand. KEN Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa ENTERS, and stops Ken from squashing Barry. VANESSA (grabs Ken’s arm) Wait. Don’t kill him. CLOSE UP: on Barry’s puzzled face. KEN You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 32. VANESSA Why does his life have any less value than yours? She takes a GLASS TUMBLER and places it over Barry. KEN Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA I’m just saying, all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. Barry looks up through the glass and watches this conversation, astounded. Vanessa RIPS Ken’s resume in half and SLIDES it under the glass. KEN (wistful) My brochure. There’s a moment of eye contact as she carries Barry to the window. She opens it and sets him free. VANESSA There you go, little guy. KEN (O.C) I’m not scared of them. But, you know, it’s an allergic thing. ANDY (O.C) * Hey, why don’t you put that on your * resume-brochure? * KEN (O.C) It’s not funny, my whole face could puff up. ANDY (O.C) Make it one of your “Special Skills.” KEN (O.C) You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 33. EXT. WINDOWSILL - CONTINUOUS Barry stares over the window frame. He can’t believe what’s just happened. It is still RAINING. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1200 - “BARRY SPEAKS” EXT. WINDOWSILL - LATER Barry is still staring through the window. Inside, everyone’s saying their good-byes. KEN Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA Uh, yeah sure Ken. You know, whatever. KEN You can put carob chips on there. VANESSA Good night. KEN (as he exits) Supposed to be less calories, or something. VANESSA Bye. She shuts the door. Vanessa starts cleaning up. BARRY I’ve got to say something. She saved my life. I’ve got to say something. Alright, here it goes. Barry flies in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 34. INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Barry hides himself on different PRODUCTS placed along the kitchen shelves. He hides on a Bumblebee Tuna can, and a “Greetings From Coney Island” MUSCLE-MAN POSTCARD on the fridge. BARRY (on fridge) What would I say? (landing on a bottle) I could really get in trouble. He stands looking at Vanessa. BARRY (CONT'D) It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it! Come on! No, yes, no, do it! I can’t. How should I start it? You like jazz? No, that’s no good. Here she comes. Speak, you fool. As Vanessa walks by, Barry takes a DEEP BREATH. BARRY (CONT’D) (cheerful) Umm...hi. Vanessa DROPS A STACK OF DISHES, and HOPS BACK. BARRY (CONT’D) I’m sorry. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY Yes, I know, I know. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. VANESSA It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s just, I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t recall going to bed. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 35. BARRY Well, you know I’m sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA Well yeah. I mean this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean...you’re a bee. BARRY Yeah, I am a bee, and you know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me and if it wasn’t for you...I mean, I had to thank you. It’s just the way I was raised. Vanessa intentionally JABS her hand with a FORK. VANESSA Ow! BARRY That was a little weird. VANESSA (to herself) I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Anyway... VANESSA And a bee is talking to me... BARRY I just want you to know that I’m grateful, and I’m going to leave now. VANESSA Wait, wait, wait, wait, how did you learn to do that? BARRY What? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 36. VANESSA The talking thing. BARRY Same way you did, I guess. Mama, Dada, honey, you pick it up. VANESSA That’s very funny. BARRY Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. With what we have to deal with. Vanessa LAUGHS. BARRY (CONT’D) Anyway. VANESSA Can I, uh, get you something? BARRY Like what? VANESSA I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know. Coffee? BARRY Well, uh, I don’t want to put you out. VANESSA It’s no trouble. BARRY Unless you’re making anyway. VANESSA Oh, it takes two minutes. BARRY Really? VANESSA It’s just coffee. BARRY I hate to impose. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 37. VANESSA Don’t be ridiculous. BARRY Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA Hey, you want a little rum cake? BARRY I really shouldn’t. VANESSA Have a little rum cake. BARRY No, no, no, I can’t. VANESSA Oh, come on. BARRY You know, I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms here. VANESSA Where? BARRY Well... These stripes don’t help. VANESSA You look great. BARRY I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Vanessa starts POURING the coffee through an imaginary cup and directly onto the floor. BARRY (CONT'D) Are you alright? VANESSA No. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1300 - “ROOFTOP COFFEE” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 38. EXT. VANESSA’S ROOF - LATER Barry and Vanessa are drinking coffee on her roof terrace. He is perched on her keychain. BARRY ...He can’t get a taxi. He’s making the tie in the cab, as they’re flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY He runs up the steps into the church, the wedding is on... VANESSA Yeah? BARRY ...and he says, watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY Why would I marry a watermelon? Barry laughs. Vanessa doesn’t. VANESSA Oh! Is that, uh, a bee joke? BARRY Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff that we do. VANESSA Yeah, different. A BEAT. VANESSA (CONT’D) So anyway...what are you going to do, Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 39. BARRY About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. VANESSA I know how you feel. BARRY You do? VANESSA Sure, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY Really? VANESSA My only interest is flowers. BARRY Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. VANESSA Oh. BARRY Anyway, see there’s my hive, right there. You can see it. VANESSA Oh, you’re in Sheep Meadow. BARRY (excited) Yes! You know the turtle pond? VANESSA Yes? BARRY I’m right off of that. VANESSA Oh, no way. I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe-ring there once? BARRY Really? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 40. VANESSA Yes. BARRY Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA Why not? BARRY I don’t know. It’s like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA Really? Okay. A JANITOR in the background changes a LIGHTBULB. To him, it appears that Vanessa is talking to an imaginary friend. JANITOR You all right, ma’am? VANESSA Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. BARRY Anyway, this has been great. (wiping his mouth) Thanks for the coffee. Barry gazes at Vanessa. VANESSA Oh yeah, it’s no trouble. BARRY Sorry I couldn’t finish it. Vanessa giggles. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: coffee) If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Ummm. Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA Sure. Here, have a crumb. She takes a CRUMB from the plate and hands it to Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 41. BARRY (a little dreamy) Oh, thanks. VANESSA Yeah. There is an awkward pause. BARRY Alright, well then, I guess I’ll see you around, or not, or... VANESSA Okay Barry. BARRY And thank you so much again, for before. VANESSA Oh that? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA Oh, that was nothing. BARRY Well, not nothing, but, anyway... Vanessa extends her hand, and shakes Barry’s gingerly. The Janitor watches. The lightbulb shorts out. The Janitor FALLS. CUT TO: SEQ. 1400 - “HONEX” INT. HONEX BUILDING - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: A TEST BEE WEARING A PARACHUTE is in a wind tunnel, hovering through increasingly heavy wind. SIGNS UNDER A FLASHING LIGHT READ: “Test In Progress” & “Hurricane Survival Test”. 2 BEES IN A LAB COATS are observing behind glass. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 42. LAB COAT BEE 1 This can’t possibly work. LAB COAT BEE 2 Well, he’s all set to go, we may as well try it. (into the mic) Okay Dave, pull the chute. The test bee opens his parachute. He’s instantly blown against the rear wall. Adam and Barry ENTER. ADAM Sounds amazing. BARRY Oh, it was amazing. It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. ADAM Humans! Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant scary humans! What were they like? BARRY Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. ADAM And do they try and kill you like on TV? BARRY Some of them. But some of them don’t. ADAM How’d you get back? BARRY Poodle. ADAM Look, you did it. And I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, you had your “experience”, and now you’re back, you can pick out your job, and everything can be normal. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 43. ANGLE ON: LAB BEES examining a CANDY CORN through a microscope. BARRY Well... ADAM Well? BARRY Well, I met someone. ADAM You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? BARRY Mmm. ADAM Not a WASP? Your parents will kill you. BARRY No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM Spider? BARRY You know, I’m not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it’s like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. Barry makes a spider face. ADAM So, who is she? BARRY She’s a human. ADAM Oh no, no, no, no. That didn’t happen. You didn’t do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. BARRY Her name’s Vanessa. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 44. ADAM Oh, oh boy! BARRY She’s so-o nice. And she’s a florist! ADAM Oh, no. No, no, no! You’re dating a human florist? BARRY We’re not dating. ADAM You’re flying outside the hive. You’re talking to human beings that attack our homes with power washers and M-80’s. That’s 1/8 of a stick of dynamite. BARRY She saved my life. And she understands me. ADAM This is over. Barry pulls out the crumb. BARRY Eat this. Barry stuffs the crumb into Adam’s face. ADAM This is not over. What was that? BARRY They call it a crumb. ADAM That was SO STINGING STRIPEY! BARRY And that’s not even what they eat. That just falls off what they eat. Do you know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM No. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 45. BARRY It’s bread... ADAM Come in here! BARRY and cinnamon, ADAM Be quiet! BARRY and frosting...they heat it up-- ADAM Sit down! INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS BARRY Really hot! ADAM Listen to me! We are not them. We’re us. There’s us and there’s them. BARRY Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning... Barry rolls his chair down the corridor. ADAM There’s no yearning.
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2020.11.19 08:38 Criticel1 What you are looking for is..... (Link in the Desc.)5

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2020.11.10 02:57 ihad10heartattacks Bee movie script (part 1) i could continue it on the comments

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 - “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos tiempos. BARRY I wonder what it’s going to be like? ADAM A little scary. Barry shakes Adam. BARRY AND ADAM AAHHHH! The tram passes under SIGNS READING: “Honex: A Division of Honesco: A Part of the Hexagon Group.” TRUDY Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco, and a part of the Hexagon group. BARRY This is it! The Honex doors OPEN, revealing the factory. BARRY (CONT’D) Wow. TRUDY We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive where our top secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this... Trudy GRABS a TEST TUBE OF HONEY from a technician. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 7. TRUDY (CONT’D) ...soothing, sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow, you all know as... EVERYONE ON THE TRAM (in unison) H-o-n-e-y. Trudy flips the flask into the crowd, and laughs as they all scramble for it. ANGLE ON: A GIRL BEE catching the honey. ADAM (sotto) That girl was hot. BARRY (sotto) She’s my cousin. ADAM She is? BARRY Yes, we’re all cousins. ADAM Right. You’re right. TRUDY At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress testing a new helmet technology. ANGLE ON: A STUNT BEE in a HELMET getting hit with a NEWSPAPER, then a SHOE, then a FLYSWATTER. He gets up, and gives a “thumb’s up”. The graduate bees APPLAUD. ADAM (re: stunt bee) What do you think he makes? BARRY Not enough. TRUDY And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 8. BARRY Wow, what does that do? TRUDY Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ANGLE ON: The Krelman machine. Bees with hand-shaped hats on, rotating around a wheel to catch drips of honey. Adam’s hand shoots up. ADAM Can anyone work on the Krelman? TRUDY Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. There are over 3000 different bee occupations. But choose carefully, because you’ll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life. The bees CHEER. ANGLE ON: Barry’s smile dropping slightly. BARRY The same job for the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. ADAM What’s the difference? TRUDY And you’ll be happy to know that bees as a species haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. BARRY So you’ll just work us to death? TRUDY (laughing) We’ll sure try. Everyone LAUGHS except Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 9. The tram drops down a log-flume type steep drop. Cameras flash, as all the bees throw up their hands. The frame freezes into a snapshot. Barry looks concerned. The tram continues through 2 doors. FORM DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 175 - “WALKING THE HIVE” INT. HONEX LOBBY ANGLE ON: The log-flume photo, as Barry looks at it. ADAM Wow. That blew my mind. BARRY (annoyed) “What’s the difference?” Adam, how could you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. ADAM Well, I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY But Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM Barry, why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. They walk by a newspaper stand with A SANDWICH BOARD READING: “Bee Goes Berserk: Stings Seven Then Self.” ANGLE ON: A BEE filling his car’s gas tank from a honey pump. He fills his car some, then takes a swig for himself. NEWSPAPER BEE (to the bee guzzling gas) Hey! Barry and Adam begin to cross the street. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 10. BARRY Yeah but Adam, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here? They stop in the middle of the street. The traffic moves perfectly around them. ADAM Like what? Give me one example. BARRY (thinks) ...I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BARRY They know what it’s like to go outside the hive. ADAM Yeah, but some of them don’t come back. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 11. The nectar from the pollen jocks is removed from their backpacks, and loaded into trucks on their way to Honex. A SMALL CROWD forms around the Patrol Bees. Each one has a PIT CREW that takes their nectar. Lou Loduca hurries a pit crew along: LOU LODUCA You guys did great! You’re monsters. You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! SCHOOL GIRLS are jumping up and down and squealing nearby. BARRY I wonder where those guys have just been? ADAM I don’t know. BARRY Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. ADAM You can’t just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. BARRY Right. Pollen Jocks cross in close proximity to Barry and Adam. Some pollen falls off, onto Barry and Adam. BARRY (CONT’D) Look at that. That’s more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime. ADAM (playing with the pollen) It’s just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it. BARRY Perhaps, unless you’re wearing it, and the ladies see you wearing it. ANGLE ON: Two girl bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 12. ADAM Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? BARRY Distant, distant. ANGLE ON: TWO POLLEN JOCKS. JACKSON Look at these two. SPLITZ Couple of Hive Harrys. JACKSON Let’s have some fun with them. The pollen jocks approach. Barry and Adam continue to talk to the girls. GIRL 1 It must be so dangerous being a pollen jock. BARRY Oh yeah, one time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom. He had one paw on my throat, and with the other he was slapping me back and forth across the face. GIRL 1 Oh my. BARRY I never thought I’d knock him out. GIRL 2 (to Adam) And what were you doing during all of this? ADAM Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. The girl swipes some pollen off of Adam with a finger. BARRY (re: pollen) I can autograph that if you want. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 13. JACKSON Little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? BARRY Yeah. Gusty. BUZZ You know, we’re going to hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY Six miles, huh? ADAM (whispering) Barry. BUZZ It’s a puddle-jump for us. But maybe you’re not up for it. BARRY Maybe I am. ADAM (whispering louder) You are not! BUZZ We’re going, oh-nine hundred at JGate. ADAM (re: j-gate) Whoa. BUZZ (leaning in, on top of Barry) What do you think, Buzzy Boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY I might be. It all depends on what oh-nine hundred means. CUT TO: SEQ. 450 - “THE BALCONY” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 14. INT. BENSON HOUSE BALCONY - LATER Barry is standing on the balcony alone, looking out over the city. Martin Benson ENTERS, sneaks up behind Barry and gooses him in his ribs. MARTIN BENSON Honex! BARRY Oh, Dad. You surprised me. MARTIN BENSON (laughing) Have you decided what you’re interested in, Son? BARRY Well, there’s a lot of choices. MARTIN BENSON But you only get one. Martin LAUGHS. BARRY Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN BENSON Son, let me tell you something about stirring. (making the stirring motion) You grab that stick and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. BARRY You know dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. MARTIN BENSON And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 15. BARRY Well no... MARTIN BENSON Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY I’m not trying to be funny. MARTIN BENSON You’re not funny, you’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer. JANET BENSON You’re going to be a stirrer?! BARRY No one’s listening to me. MARTIN BENSON Wait until you see the sticks I have for you. BARRY I can say anything I want right now. I’m going to get an ant tattoo. JANET BENSON Let’s open some fresh honey and celebrate. BARRY Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax! MARTIN BENSON (toasting) To honey! BARRY Shave my antennae! JANET BENSON To honey! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 16. BARRY Shack up with a grasshopper, get a gold tooth, and start calling everybody “Dawg.” CUT TO: SEQ. 760 - “JOB PLACEMENT” EXT. HONEX LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: A BEE BUS STOP. One group of bees stands on the pavement, as another group hovers above them. A doubledecker bus pulls up. The hovering bees get on the top level, and the standing bees get on the bottom. Barry and Adam pull up outside of Honex. ADAM I can’t believe we’re starting work today. BARRY Today’s the day. Adam jumps out of the car. ADAM (O.C) Come on. All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY Yeah, right... ANGLE ON: A BOARD READING: “JOB PLACEMENT BOARD”. Buzzwell, the Bee Processor, is at the counter. Another BEE APPLICANT, SANDY SHRIMPKIN is EXITING. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Is it still available? BUZZWELL Hang on. (he looks at changing numbers on the board) Two left. And...one of them’s yours. Congratulations Son, step to the side please. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 17. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Yeah! ADAM (to Sandy, leaving) What did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time it BOUNCES, the other bees cringe and GASP. ANGLE ON: Barry, terrified. Pure dumb luck, he’s not getting squished. BARRY (with each bounce) Very close...Gonna Hurt...Mamma’s little boy. SPLITZ You are way out of position, rookie. ANGLE ON: Vanessa serving. We see Barry and the ball up against the racket as she brings it back. She tosses the ball into the air; Barry’s eyes widen. The ball is STRUCK, and the rally is on. KEN Coming in at you like a missile! Ken HITS the ball back. Barry feels the g-forces. ANGLE ON: The Pollen Jocks watching Barry pass by them in SLOW MOTION. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 26. BARRY (in slow motion) Help me! JACKSON You know, I don't think these are flowers. SPLITZ Should we tell him? JACKSON I think he knows. BARRY (O.S) What is this?! Vanessa HITS a high arcing lob. Ken waits, poised for the return. We see Barry having trouble maneuvering the ball from fatigue. KEN (overly confident) Match point! ANGLE ON: Ken running up. He has a killer look in his eyes. He’s going to hit the ultimate overhead smash. KEN (CONT'D) You can just start packing up Honey, because I believe you’re about to eat it! ANGLE ON: Pollen Jocks. JACKSON Ahem! Ken is distracted by the jock. KEN What? No! He misses badly. The ball rockets into oblivion. Barry is still hanging on. ANGLE ON: Ken, berating himself. KEN (CONT’D) Oh, you cannot be serious. We hear the ball WHISTLING, and Barry SCREAMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 27. BARRY Yowser!!! SEQ. 1000 - “SUV” The ball flies through the air, and lands in the middle of the street. It bounces into the street again, and sticks in the grille of an SUV. INT. CAR ENGINE - CONTINUOUS BARRY’S POV: the grille of the SUV sucks him up. He tumbles through a black tunnel, whirling vanes, and pistons. BARRY AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OHHHH!! EECHHH!! AHHHHHH!! Barry gets chilled by the A/C system, and sees a frozen grasshopper. BARRY (CONT’D) (re: grasshopper) Eww, gross. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS The car is packed with a typical suburban family: MOTHER, FATHER, eight-year old BOY, LITTLE GIRL in a car seat and a GRANDMOTHER. A big slobbery DOG is behind a grate. Barry pops into the passenger compartment, hitting the Mother’s magazine. MOTHER There’s a bee in the car! They all notice the bee and start SCREAMING. BARRY Aaahhhh! Barry tumbles around the car. We see the faces from his POV. MOTHER Do something! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 28. FATHER I’m driving! Barry flies by the little girl in her CAR SEAT. She waves hello. LITTLE GIRL Hi, bee. SON He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! The car SWERVES around the road. Barry flies into the back, where the slobbery dog SNAPS at him. Barry deftly avoids the jaws and gross, flying SPITTLE. MOTHER Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! Everyone in the car freezes. Barry freezes. They stare at each other, eyes going back and forth, waiting to see who will make the first move. Barry blinks. GRANNY He blinked! Granny pulls out a can of HAIR SPRAY. SON Spray him, Granny! Granny sprays the hair spray everywhere. FATHER What are you doing? GRANNY It’s hair spray! Extra hold! MOTHER Kill it! Barry gets sprayed back by the hair spray, then sucked out of the sunroof. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 29. EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS BARRY Wow. The tension level out here is unbelievable. I’ve got to get home. As Barry flies down the street, it starts to RAIN. He nimbly avoids the rain at first. BARRY (CONT’D) Whoa. Whoa! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in-- A couple of drops hit him, his wings go limp and he starts falling. BARRY (CONT'D) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Barry sees a window ledge and aims for it and just makes it. Shivering and exhausted, he crawls into an open window as it CLOSES. SEQ. 1100 - “VANESSA SAVES BARRY” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Inside the window, Barry SHAKES off the rain like a dog. Vanessa, Ken, Andy, and Anna ENTER the apartment. VANESSA Ken, can you close the window please? KEN Huh? Oh. (to Andy) Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? It folds out. Ken holds up his brochure, with photos of himself, and a resume in the middle. ANGLE ON: Barry hiding behind the curtains, as Ken CLOSES THE WINDOW. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 30. BARRY Oh no, more humans. I don’t need this. Barry HOVERS up into the air and THROWS himself into the glass. BARRY (CONT’D) (dazed) Ow! What was that? He does it again, and then multiple more times. BARRY (CONT'D) Maybe this time...this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time. Barry JUMPS onto the drapes. BARRY (CONT'D) (out of breath) Drapes! (then, re: glass) That is diabolical. KEN It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top ten favorite movies. ANDY What’s your number one? Star Wars? KEN Ah, I don’t go for that, (makes Star Wars noises), kind of stuff. ANGLE ON: Barry. BARRY No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They’re out of their minds. KEN When I walk out of a job interview they’re flabbergasted. They can’t believe the things I say. Barry looks around and sees the LIGHT BULB FIXTURE in the middle of the ceiling. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 31. BARRY (re: light bulb) Oh, there’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. Barry takes off and heads straight for the light bulb. His POV: The seventy-five watt label grows as he gets closer. BARRY (CONT’D) I don’t remember the sun having a big seventy five on it. Barry HITS the bulb and is KNOCKED SILLY. He falls into a BOWL OF GUACAMOLE. Andy dips his chip in the guacamole, taking Barry with it. ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy. KEN I’ll tell you what. You know what? I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Barry’s POV: Giant human mouth opening. KEN (CONT’D) Wait! Stop! Beeeeeee! ANNA Kill it! Kill it! They all JUMP up from their chairs. Andy looks around for something to use. Ken comes in for the kill with a big TIMBERLAND BOOT on each hand. KEN Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa ENTERS, and stops Ken from squashing Barry. VANESSA (grabs Ken’s arm) Wait. Don’t kill him. CLOSE UP: on Barry’s puzzled face. KEN You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 32. VANESSA Why does his life have any less value than yours? She takes a GLASS TUMBLER and places it over Barry. KEN Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA I’m just saying, all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. Barry looks up through the glass and watches this conversation, astounded. Vanessa RIPS Ken’s resume in half and SLIDES it under the glass. KEN (wistful) My brochure. There’s a moment of eye contact as she carries Barry to the window. She opens it and sets him free. VANESSA There you go, little guy. KEN (O.C) I’m not scared of them. But, you know, it’s an allergic thing. ANDY (O.C) * Hey, why don’t you put that on your * resume-brochure? * KEN (O.C) It’s not funny, my whole face could puff up. ANDY (O.C) Make it one of your “Special Skills.” KEN (O.C) You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 33. EXT. WINDOWSILL - CONTINUOUS Barry stares over the window frame. He can’t believe what’s just happened. It is still RAINING. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1200 - “BARRY SPEAKS” EXT. WINDOWSILL - LATER Barry is still staring through the window. Inside, everyone’s saying their good-byes. KEN Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA Uh, yeah sure Ken. You know, whatever. KEN You can put carob chips on there. VANESSA Good night. KEN (as he exits) Supposed to be less calories, or something. VANESSA Bye. She shuts the door. Vanessa starts cleaning up. BARRY I’ve got to say something. She saved my life. I’ve got to say something. Alright, here it goes. Barry flies in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 34. INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Barry hides himself on different PRODUCTS placed along the kitchen shelves. He hides on a Bumblebee Tuna can, and a “Greetings From Coney Island” MUSCLE-MAN POSTCARD on the fridge. BARRY (on fridge) What would I say? (landing on a bottle) I could really get in trouble. He stands looking at Vanessa. BARRY (CONT'D) It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it! Come on! No, yes, no, do it! I can’t. How should I start it? You like jazz? No, that’s no good. Here she comes. Speak, you fool. As Vanessa walks by, Barry takes a DEEP BREATH. BARRY (CONT’D) (cheerful) Umm...hi. Vanessa DROPS A STACK OF DISHES, and HOPS BACK. BARRY (CONT’D) I’m sorry. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY Yes, I know, I know. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. VANESSA It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s just, I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t recall going to bed. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 35. BARRY Well, you know I’m sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA Well yeah. I mean this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean...you’re a bee. BARRY Yeah, I am a bee, and you know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me and if it wasn’t for you...I mean, I had to thank you. It’s just the way I was raised. Vanessa intentionally JABS her hand with a FORK. VANESSA Ow! BARRY That was a little weird. VANESSA (to herself) I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Anyway... VANESSA And a bee is talking to me... BARRY I just want you to know that I’m grateful, and I’m going to leave now. VANESSA Wait, wait, wait, wait, how did you learn to do that? BARRY What? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 36. VANESSA The talking thing. BARRY Same way you did, I guess. Mama, Dada, honey, you pick it up. VANESSA That’s very funny. BARRY Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. With what we have to deal with. Vanessa LAUGHS. BARRY (CONT’D) Anyway. VANESSA Can I, uh, get you something? BARRY Like what? VANESSA I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know. Coffee? BARRY Well, uh, I don’t want to put you out. VANESSA It’s no trouble. BARRY Unless you’re making anyway. VANESSA Oh, it takes two minutes. BARRY Really? VANESSA It’s just coffee. BARRY I hate to impose. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 37. VANESSA Don’t be ridiculous. BARRY Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA Hey, you want a little rum cake? BARRY I really shouldn’t. VANESSA Have a little rum cake. BARRY No, no, no, I can’t. VANESSA Oh, come on. BARRY You know, I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms here. VANESSA Where? BARRY Well... These stripes don’t help. VANESSA You look great. BARRY I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Vanessa starts POURING the coffee through an imaginary cup and directly onto the floor. BARRY (CONT'D) Are you alright? VANESSA No. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1300 - “ROOFTOP COFFEE” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 38. EXT. VANESSA’S ROOF - LATER Barry and Vanessa are drinking coffee on her roof terrace. He is perched on her keychain. BARRY ...He can’t get a taxi. He’s making the tie in the cab, as they’re flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY He runs up the steps into the church, the wedding is on... VANESSA Yeah? BARRY ...and he says, watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY Why would I marry a watermelon? Barry laughs. Vanessa doesn’t. VANESSA Oh! Is that, uh, a bee joke? BARRY Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff that we do. VANESSA Yeah, different. A BEAT. VANESSA (CONT’D) So anyway...what are you going to do, Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 39. BARRY About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. VANESSA I know how you feel. BARRY You do? VANESSA Sure, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY Really? VANESSA My only interest is flowers. BARRY Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. VANESSA Oh. BARRY Anyway, see there’s my hive, right there. You can see it. VANESSA Oh, you’re in Sheep Meadow. BARRY (excited) Yes! You know the turtle pond? VANESSA Yes? BARRY I’m right off of that. VANESSA Oh, no way. I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe-ring there once? BARRY Really? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 40. VANESSA Yes. BARRY Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA Why not? BARRY I don’t know. It’s like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA Really? Okay. A JANITOR in the background changes a LIGHTBULB. To him, it appears that Vanessa is talking to an imaginary friend. JANITOR You all right, ma’am? VANESSA Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. BARRY Anyway, this has been great. (wiping his mouth) Thanks for the coffee. Barry gazes at Vanessa. VANESSA Oh yeah, it’s no trouble. BARRY Sorry I couldn’t finish it. Vanessa giggles. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: coffee) If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Ummm. Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA Sure. Here, have a crumb. She takes a CRUMB from the plate and hands it to Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 41. BARRY (a little dreamy) Oh, thanks. VANESSA Yeah. There is an awkward pause. BARRY Alright, well then, I guess I’ll see you around, or not, or... VANESSA Okay Barry. BARRY And thank you so much again, for before. VANESSA Oh that? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA Oh, that was nothing. BARRY Well, not nothing, but, anyway... Vanessa extends her hand, and shakes Barry’s gingerly. The Janitor watches. The lightbulb shorts out. The Janitor FALLS. CUT TO: SEQ. 1400 - “HONEX” INT. HONEX BUILDING - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: A TEST BEE WEARING A PARACHUTE is in a wind tunnel, hovering through increasingly heavy wind. SIGNS UNDER A FLASHING LIGHT READ: “Test In Progress” & “Hurricane Survival Test”. 2 BEES IN A LAB COATS are observing behind glass. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 42. LAB COAT BEE 1 This can’t possibly work. LAB COAT BEE 2 Well, he’s all set to go, we may as well try it. (into the mic) Okay Dave, pull the chute. The test bee opens his parachute. He’s instantly blown against the rear wall. Adam and Barry ENTER. ADAM Sounds amazing. BARRY Oh, it was amazing. It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. ADAM Humans! Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant scary humans! What were they like? BARRY Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. ADAM And do they try and kill you like on TV? BARRY Some of them. But some of them don’t. ADAM How’d you get back? BARRY Poodle. ADAM Look, you did it. And I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, you had your “experience”, and now you’re back, you can pick out your job, and everything can be normal. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 43. ANGLE ON: LAB BEES examining a CANDY CORN through a microscope. BARRY Well... ADAM Well? BARRY Well, I met someone. ADAM You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? BARRY Mmm. ADAM Not a WASP? Your parents will kill you. BARRY No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM Spider? BARRY You know, I’m not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it’s like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. Barry makes a spider face. ADAM So, who is she? BARRY She’s a human. ADAM Oh no, no, no, no. That didn’t happen. You didn’t do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. BARRY Her name’s Vanessa. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 44. ADAM Oh, oh boy! BARRY She’s so-o nice. And she’s a florist! ADAM Oh, no. No, no, no! You’re dating a human florist? BARRY We’re not dating. ADAM You’re flying outside the hive. You’re
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2020.07.10 19:16 lordpingas1000 The entire bee movie script lol

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 - “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos tiempos. BARRY I wonder what it’s going to be like? ADAM A little scary. Barry shakes Adam. BARRY AND ADAM AAHHHH! The tram passes under SIGNS READING: “Honex: A Division of Honesco: A Part of the Hexagon Group.” TRUDY Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco, and a part of the Hexagon group. BARRY This is it! The Honex doors OPEN, revealing the factory. BARRY (CONT’D) Wow. TRUDY We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive where our top secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this... Trudy GRABS a TEST TUBE OF HONEY from a technician. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 7. TRUDY (CONT’D) ...soothing, sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow, you all know as... EVERYONE ON THE TRAM (in unison) H-o-n-e-y. Trudy flips the flask into the crowd, and laughs as they all scramble for it. ANGLE ON: A GIRL BEE catching the honey. ADAM (sotto) That girl was hot. BARRY (sotto) She’s my cousin. ADAM She is? BARRY Yes, we’re all cousins. ADAM Right. You’re right. TRUDY At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress testing a new helmet technology. ANGLE ON: A STUNT BEE in a HELMET getting hit with a NEWSPAPER, then a SHOE, then a FLYSWATTER. He gets up, and gives a “thumb’s up”. The graduate bees APPLAUD. ADAM (re: stunt bee) What do you think he makes? BARRY Not enough. TRUDY And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 8. BARRY Wow, what does that do? TRUDY Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ANGLE ON: The Krelman machine. Bees with hand-shaped hats on, rotating around a wheel to catch drips of honey. Adam’s hand shoots up. ADAM Can anyone work on the Krelman? TRUDY Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. There are over 3000 different bee occupations. But choose carefully, because you’ll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life. The bees CHEER. ANGLE ON: Barry’s smile dropping slightly. BARRY The same job for the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. ADAM What’s the difference? TRUDY And you’ll be happy to know that bees as a species haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. BARRY So you’ll just work us to death? TRUDY (laughing) We’ll sure try. Everyone LAUGHS except Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 9. The tram drops down a log-flume type steep drop. Cameras flash, as all the bees throw up their hands. The frame freezes into a snapshot. Barry looks concerned. The tram continues through 2 doors. FORM DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 175 - “WALKING THE HIVE” INT. HONEX LOBBY ANGLE ON: The log-flume photo, as Barry looks at it. ADAM Wow. That blew my mind. BARRY (annoyed) “What’s the difference?” Adam, how could you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. ADAM Well, I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY But Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM Barry, why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. They walk by a newspaper stand with A SANDWICH BOARD READING: “Bee Goes Berserk: Stings Seven Then Self.” ANGLE ON: A BEE filling his car’s gas tank from a honey pump. He fills his car some, then takes a swig for himself. NEWSPAPER BEE (to the bee guzzling gas) Hey! Barry and Adam begin to cross the street. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 10. BARRY Yeah but Adam, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here? They stop in the middle of the street. The traffic moves perfectly around them. ADAM Like what? Give me one example. BARRY (thinks) ...I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BARRY They know what it’s like to go outside the hive. ADAM Yeah, but some of them don’t come back. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 11. The nectar from the pollen jocks is removed from their backpacks, and loaded into trucks on their way to Honex. A SMALL CROWD forms around the Patrol Bees. Each one has a PIT CREW that takes their nectar. Lou Loduca hurries a pit crew along: LOU LODUCA You guys did great! You’re monsters. You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! SCHOOL GIRLS are jumping up and down and squealing nearby. BARRY I wonder where those guys have just been? ADAM I don’t know. BARRY Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. ADAM You can’t just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. BARRY Right. Pollen Jocks cross in close proximity to Barry and Adam. Some pollen falls off, onto Barry and Adam. BARRY (CONT’D) Look at that. That’s more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime. ADAM (playing with the pollen) It’s just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it. BARRY Perhaps, unless you’re wearing it, and the ladies see you wearing it. ANGLE ON: Two girl bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 12. ADAM Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? BARRY Distant, distant. ANGLE ON: TWO POLLEN JOCKS. JACKSON Look at these two. SPLITZ Couple of Hive Harrys. JACKSON Let’s have some fun with them. The pollen jocks approach. Barry and Adam continue to talk to the girls. GIRL 1 It must be so dangerous being a pollen jock. BARRY Oh yeah, one time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom. He had one paw on my throat, and with the other he was slapping me back and forth across the face. GIRL 1 Oh my. BARRY I never thought I’d knock him out. GIRL 2 (to Adam) And what were you doing during all of this? ADAM Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. The girl swipes some pollen off of Adam with a finger. BARRY (re: pollen) I can autograph that if you want. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 13. JACKSON Little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? BARRY Yeah. Gusty. BUZZ You know, we’re going to hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY Six miles, huh? ADAM (whispering) Barry. BUZZ It’s a puddle-jump for us. But maybe you’re not up for it. BARRY Maybe I am. ADAM (whispering louder) You are not! BUZZ We’re going, oh-nine hundred at JGate. ADAM (re: j-gate) Whoa. BUZZ (leaning in, on top of Barry) What do you think, Buzzy Boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY I might be. It all depends on what oh-nine hundred means. CUT TO: SEQ. 450 - “THE BALCONY” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 14. INT. BENSON HOUSE BALCONY - LATER Barry is standing on the balcony alone, looking out over the city. Martin Benson ENTERS, sneaks up behind Barry and gooses him in his ribs. MARTIN BENSON Honex! BARRY Oh, Dad. You surprised me. MARTIN BENSON (laughing) Have you decided what you’re interested in, Son? BARRY Well, there’s a lot of choices. MARTIN BENSON But you only get one. Martin LAUGHS. BARRY Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN BENSON Son, let me tell you something about stirring. (making the stirring motion) You grab that stick and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. BARRY You know dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. MARTIN BENSON And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 15. BARRY Well no... MARTIN BENSON Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY I’m not trying to be funny. MARTIN BENSON You’re not funny, you’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer. JANET BENSON You’re going to be a stirrer?! BARRY No one’s listening to me. MARTIN BENSON Wait until you see the sticks I have for you. BARRY I can say anything I want right now. I’m going to get an ant tattoo. JANET BENSON Let’s open some fresh honey and celebrate. BARRY Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax! MARTIN BENSON (toasting) To honey! BARRY Shave my antennae! JANET BENSON To honey! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 16. BARRY Shack up with a grasshopper, get a gold tooth, and start calling everybody “Dawg.” CUT TO: SEQ. 760 - “JOB PLACEMENT” EXT. HONEX LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: A BEE BUS STOP. One group of bees stands on the pavement, as another group hovers above them. A doubledecker bus pulls up. The hovering bees get on the top level, and the standing bees get on the bottom. Barry and Adam pull up outside of Honex. ADAM I can’t believe we’re starting work today. BARRY Today’s the day. Adam jumps out of the car. ADAM (O.C) Come on. All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY Yeah, right... ANGLE ON: A BOARD READING: “JOB PLACEMENT BOARD”. Buzzwell, the Bee Processor, is at the counter. Another BEE APPLICANT, SANDY SHRIMPKIN is EXITING. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Is it still available? BUZZWELL Hang on. (he looks at changing numbers on the board) Two left. And...one of them’s yours. Congratulations Son, step to the side please. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 17. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Yeah! ADAM (to Sandy, leaving) What did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time it BOUNCES, the other bees cringe and GASP. ANGLE ON: Barry, terrified. Pure dumb luck, he’s not getting squished. BARRY (with each bounce) Very close...Gonna Hurt...Mamma’s little boy. SPLITZ You are way out of position, rookie. ANGLE ON: Vanessa serving. We see Barry and the ball up against the racket as she brings it back. She tosses the ball into the air; Barry’s eyes widen. The ball is STRUCK, and the rally is on. KEN Coming in at you like a missile! Ken HITS the ball back. Barry feels the g-forces. ANGLE ON: The Pollen Jocks watching Barry pass by them in SLOW MOTION. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 26. BARRY (in slow motion) Help me! JACKSON You know, I don't think these are flowers. SPLITZ Should we tell him? JACKSON I think he knows. BARRY (O.S) What is this?! Vanessa HITS a high arcing lob. Ken waits, poised for the return. We see Barry having trouble maneuvering the ball from fatigue. KEN (overly confident) Match point! ANGLE ON: Ken running up. He has a killer look in his eyes. He’s going to hit the ultimate overhead smash. KEN (CONT'D) You can just start packing up Honey, because I believe you’re about to eat it! ANGLE ON: Pollen Jocks. JACKSON Ahem! Ken is distracted by the jock. KEN What? No! He misses badly. The ball rockets into oblivion. Barry is still hanging on. ANGLE ON: Ken, berating himself. KEN (CONT’D) Oh, you cannot be serious. We hear the ball WHISTLING, and Barry SCREAMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 27. BARRY Yowser!!! SEQ. 1000 - “SUV” The ball flies through the air, and lands in the middle of the street. It bounces into the street again, and sticks in the grille of an SUV. INT. CAR ENGINE - CONTINUOUS BARRY’S POV: the grille of the SUV sucks him up. He tumbles through a black tunnel, whirling vanes, and pistons. BARRY AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OHHHH!! EECHHH!! AHHHHHH!! Barry gets chilled by the A/C system, and sees a frozen grasshopper. BARRY (CONT’D) (re: grasshopper) Eww, gross. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS The car is packed with a typical suburban family: MOTHER, FATHER, eight-year old BOY, LITTLE GIRL in a car seat and a GRANDMOTHER. A big slobbery DOG is behind a grate. Barry pops into the passenger compartment, hitting the Mother’s magazine. MOTHER There’s a bee in the car! They all notice the bee and start SCREAMING. BARRY Aaahhhh! Barry tumbles around the car. We see the faces from his POV. MOTHER Do something! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 28. FATHER I’m driving! Barry flies by the little girl in her CAR SEAT. She waves hello. LITTLE GIRL Hi, bee. SON He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! The car SWERVES around the road. Barry flies into the back, where the slobbery dog SNAPS at him. Barry deftly avoids the jaws and gross, flying SPITTLE. MOTHER Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! Everyone in the car freezes. Barry freezes. They stare at each other, eyes going back and forth, waiting to see who will make the first move. Barry blinks. GRANNY He blinked! Granny pulls out a can of HAIR SPRAY. SON Spray him, Granny! Granny sprays the hair spray everywhere. FATHER What are you doing? GRANNY It’s hair spray! Extra hold! MOTHER Kill it! Barry gets sprayed back by the hair spray, then sucked out of the sunroof. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 29. EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS BARRY Wow. The tension level out here is unbelievable. I’ve got to get home. As Barry flies down the street, it starts to RAIN. He nimbly avoids the rain at first. BARRY (CONT’D) Whoa. Whoa! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in-- A couple of drops hit him, his wings go limp and he starts falling. BARRY (CONT'D) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Barry sees a window ledge and aims for it and just makes it. Shivering and exhausted, he crawls into an open window as it CLOSES. SEQ. 1100 - “VANESSA SAVES BARRY” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Inside the window, Barry SHAKES off the rain like a dog. Vanessa, Ken, Andy, and Anna ENTER the apartment. VANESSA Ken, can you close the window please? KEN Huh? Oh. (to Andy) Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? It folds out. Ken holds up his brochure, with photos of himself, and a resume in the middle. ANGLE ON: Barry hiding behind the curtains, as Ken CLOSES THE WINDOW. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 30. BARRY Oh no, more humans. I don’t need this. Barry HOVERS up into the air and THROWS himself into the glass. BARRY (CONT’D) (dazed) Ow! What was that? He does it again, and then multiple more times. BARRY (CONT'D) Maybe this time...this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time. Barry JUMPS onto the drapes. BARRY (CONT'D) (out of breath) Drapes! (then, re: glass) That is diabolical. KEN It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top ten favorite movies. ANDY What’s your number one? Star Wars? KEN Ah, I don’t go for that, (makes Star Wars noises), kind of stuff. ANGLE ON: Barry. BARRY No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They’re out of their minds. KEN When I walk out of a job interview they’re flabbergasted. They can’t believe the things I say. Barry looks around and sees the LIGHT BULB FIXTURE in the middle of the ceiling. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 31. BARRY (re: light bulb) Oh, there’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. Barry takes off and heads straight for the light bulb. His POV: The seventy-five watt label grows as he gets closer. BARRY (CONT’D) I don’t remember the sun having a big seventy five on it. Barry HITS the bulb and is KNOCKED SILLY. He falls into a BOWL OF GUACAMOLE. Andy dips his chip in the guacamole, taking Barry with it. ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy. KEN I’ll tell you what. You know what? I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Barry’s POV: Giant human mouth opening. KEN (CONT’D) Wait! Stop! Beeeeeee! ANNA Kill it! Kill it! They all JUMP up from their chairs. Andy looks around for something to use. Ken comes in for the kill with a big TIMBERLAND BOOT on each hand. KEN Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa ENTERS, and stops Ken from squashing Barry. VANESSA (grabs Ken’s arm) Wait. Don’t kill him. CLOSE UP: on Barry’s puzzled face. KEN You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 32. VANESSA Why does his life have any less value than yours? She takes a GLASS TUMBLER and places it over Barry. KEN Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA I’m just saying, all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. Barry looks up through the glass and watches this conversation, astounded. Vanessa RIPS Ken’s resume in half and SLIDES it under the glass. KEN (wistful) My brochure. There’s a moment of eye contact as she carries Barry to the window. She opens it and sets him free. VANESSA There you go, little guy. KEN (O.C) I’m not scared of them. But, you know, it’s an allergic thing. ANDY (O.C) * Hey, why don’t you put that on your * resume-brochure? * KEN (O.C) It’s not funny, my whole face could puff up. ANDY (O.C) Make it one of your “Special Skills.” KEN (O.C) You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 33. EXT. WINDOWSILL - CONTINUOUS Barry stares over the window frame. He can’t believe what’s just happened. It is still RAINING. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1200 - “BARRY SPEAKS” EXT. WINDOWSILL - LATER Barry is still staring through the window. Inside, everyone’s saying their good-byes. KEN Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA Uh, yeah sure Ken. You know, whatever. KEN You can put carob chips on there. VANESSA Good night. KEN (as he exits) Supposed to be less calories, or something. VANESSA Bye. She shuts the door. Vanessa starts cleaning up. BARRY I’ve got to say something. She saved my life. I’ve got to say something. Alright, here it goes. Barry flies in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 34. INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Barry hides himself on different PRODUCTS placed along the kitchen shelves. He hides on a Bumblebee Tuna can, and a “Greetings From Coney Island” MUSCLE-MAN POSTCARD on the fridge. BARRY (on fridge) What would I say? (landing on a bottle) I could really get in trouble. He stands looking at Vanessa. BARRY (CONT'D) It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it! Come on! No, yes, no, do it! I can’t. How should I start it? You like jazz? No, that’s no good. Here she comes. Speak, you fool. As Vanessa walks by, Barry takes a DEEP BREATH. BARRY (CONT’D) (cheerful) Umm...hi. Vanessa DROPS A STACK OF DISHES, and HOPS BACK. BARRY (CONT’D) I’m sorry. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY Yes, I know, I know. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. VANESSA It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s just, I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t recall going to bed. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 35. BARRY Well, you know I’m sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA Well yeah. I mean this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean...you’re a bee. BARRY Yeah, I am a bee, and you know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me and if it wasn’t for you...I mean, I had to thank you. It’s just the way I was raised. Vanessa intentionally JABS her hand with a FORK. VANESSA Ow! BARRY That was a little weird. VANESSA (to herself) I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Anyway... VANESSA And a bee is talking to me... BARRY I just want you to know that I’m grateful, and I’m going to leave now. VANESSA Wait, wait, wait, wait, how did you learn to do that? BARRY What? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 36. VANESSA The talking thing. BARRY Same way you did, I guess. Mama, Dada, honey, you pick it up. VANESSA That’s very funny. BARRY Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. With what we have to deal with. Vanessa LAUGHS. BARRY (CONT’D) Anyway. VANESSA Can I, uh, get you something? BARRY Like what? VANESSA I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know. Coffee? BARRY Well, uh, I don’t want to put you out. VANESSA It’s no trouble. BARRY Unless you’re making anyway. VANESSA Oh, it takes two minutes. BARRY Really? VANESSA It’s just coffee. BARRY I hate to impose. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 37. VANESSA Don’t be ridiculous. BARRY Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA Hey, you want a little rum cake? BARRY I really shouldn’t. VANESSA Have a little rum cake. BARRY No, no, no, I can’t. VANESSA Oh, come on. BARRY You know, I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms here. VANESSA Where? BARRY Well... These stripes don’t help. VANESSA You look great. BARRY I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Vanessa starts POURING the coffee through an imaginary cup and directly onto the floor. BARRY (CONT'D) Are you alright? VANESSA No. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1300 - “ROOFTOP COFFEE” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 38. EXT. VANESSA’S ROOF - LATER Barry and Vanessa are drinking coffee on her roof terrace. He is perched on her keychain. BARRY ...He can’t get a taxi. He’s making the tie in the cab, as they’re flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY He runs up the steps into the church, the wedding is on... VANESSA Yeah? BARRY ...and he says, watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY Why would I marry a watermelon? Barry laughs. Vanessa doesn’t. VANESSA Oh! Is that, uh, a bee joke? BARRY Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff that we do. VANESSA Yeah, different. A BEAT. VANESSA (CONT’D) So anyway...what are you going to do, Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 39. BARRY About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. VANESSA I know how you feel. BARRY You do? VANESSA Sure, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY Really? VANESSA My only interest is flowers. BARRY Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. VANESSA Oh. BARRY Anyway, see there’s my hive, right there. You can see it. VANESSA Oh, you’re in Sheep Meadow. BARRY (excited) Yes! You know the turtle pond? VANESSA Yes? BARRY I’m right off of that. VANESSA Oh, no way. I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe-ring there once? BARRY Really? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 40. VANESSA Yes. BARRY Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA Why not? BARRY I don’t know. It’s like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA Really? Okay. A JANITOR in the background changes a LIGHTBULB. To him, it appears that Vanessa is talking to an imaginary friend. JANITOR You all right, ma’am? VANESSA Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. BARRY Anyway, this has been great. (wiping his mouth) Thanks for the coffee. Barry gazes at Vanessa. VANESSA Oh yeah, it’s no trouble. BARRY Sorry I couldn’t finish it. Vanessa giggles. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: coffee) If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Ummm. Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA Sure. Here, have a crumb. She takes a CRUMB from the plate and hands it to Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 41. BARRY (a little dreamy) Oh, thanks. VANESSA Yeah. There is an awkward pause. BARRY Alright, well then, I guess I’ll see you around, or not, or... VANESSA Okay Barry. BARRY And thank you so much again, for before. VANESSA Oh that? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA Oh, that was nothing. BARRY Well, not nothing, but, anyway... Vanessa extends her hand, and shakes Barry’s gingerly. The Janitor watches. The lightbulb shorts out. The Janitor FALLS. CUT TO: SEQ. 1400 - “HONEX” INT. HONEX BUILDING - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: A TEST BEE WEARING A PARACHUTE is in a wind tunnel, hovering through increasingly heavy wind. SIGNS UNDER A FLASHING LIGHT READ: “Test In Progress” & “Hurricane Survival Test”. 2 BEES IN A LAB COATS are observing behind glass. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 42. LAB COAT BEE 1 This can’t possibly work. LAB COAT BEE 2 Well, he’s all set to go, we may as well try it. (into the mic) Okay Dave, pull the chute. The test bee opens his parachute. He’s instantly blown against the rear wall. Adam and Barry ENTER. ADAM Sounds amazing. BARRY Oh, it was amazing. It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. ADAM Humans! Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant scary humans! What were they like? BARRY Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. ADAM And do they try and kill you like on TV? DIAVOLO Where the hell am I? BARRY Some of them. But some of them don’t. ADAM How’d you get back? BARRY Poodle. ADAM Look, you did it. And I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, you had your “experience”, and now you’re back, you can pick out your job, and everything can be normal. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 43. ANGLE ON: LAB BEES examining a CANDY CORN through a microscope. BARRY Well... ADAM Well? BARRY Well, I met someone. ADAM You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? BARRY Mmm. ADAM Not a WASP? Your parents will kill you. BARRY No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM Spider? BARRY You know, I’m not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it’s like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. Barry makes a spider face. ADAM So, who is she? BARRY She’s a human. ADAM Oh no, no, no, no. That didn’t happen. You didn’t do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. BARRY Her name’s Vanessa. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 44. ADAM Oh, oh boy! BARRY She’s so-o nice. And she’s a florist! ADAM Oh, no. No, no, no! You’re dating a human florist? BARRY We’re not dating. ADAM You’re flying outside the hive. You’re talking to human beings that attack our homes with power washers and M-80’s. That’s 1/8 of a stick of dynamite. BARRY She saved my life. And she understands me. ADAM This is over. Barry pulls out the crumb. BARRY Eat this. Barry stuffs the crumb into Adam’s face. ADAM This is not over. What was that? BARRY They call it a crumb. ADAM That was SO STINGING STRIPEY! BARRY And that’s not even what they eat. That just falls off what they eat. Do you know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM No. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 45. BARRY It’s bread... ADAM Come in here! BARRY and cinnamon, ADAM Be quiet! BARRY and frosting...they heat it up-- ADAM Sit down! INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS BARRY Really hot! ADAM Listen to me! We are not them. We’re us. There’s us and there’s them. BARRY Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning... Barry rolls his chair down the corridor. ADAM There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. ANOTHER BEE JOINS IN. ANOTHER BEE Thinking bee. WIDER SHOT AS A 3RD BEE ENTERS, popping up over the cubicle wall. 3RD BEE Thinking bee. EVEN WIDER SHOT AS ALL THE BEES JOIN IN. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 46. OTHER BEES Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. CUT TO: SEQ. 1500 - “POOLSIDE NAGGING” EX
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2020.06.22 17:40 Dio_de_Brando Diavolo death #1204, He’s stuck somewhere in the bee movie script thus requiem. Act 1: He’s somewhere in there

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 - “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos tiempos. BARRY I wonder what it’s going to be like? ADAM A little scary. Barry shakes Adam. BARRY AND ADAM AAHHHH! The tram passes under SIGNS READING: “Honex: A Division of Honesco: A Part of the Hexagon Group.” TRUDY Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco, and a part of the Hexagon group. BARRY This is it! The Honex doors OPEN, revealing the factory. BARRY (CONT’D) Wow. TRUDY We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive where our top secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this... Trudy GRABS a TEST TUBE OF HONEY from a technician. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 7. TRUDY (CONT’D) ...soothing, sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow, you all know as... EVERYONE ON THE TRAM (in unison) H-o-n-e-y. Trudy flips the flask into the crowd, and laughs as they all scramble for it. ANGLE ON: A GIRL BEE catching the honey. ADAM (sotto) That girl was hot. BARRY (sotto) She’s my cousin. ADAM She is? BARRY Yes, we’re all cousins. ADAM Right. You’re right. TRUDY At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress testing a new helmet technology. ANGLE ON: A STUNT BEE in a HELMET getting hit with a NEWSPAPER, then a SHOE, then a FLYSWATTER. He gets up, and gives a “thumb’s up”. The graduate bees APPLAUD. ADAM (re: stunt bee) What do you think he makes? BARRY Not enough. TRUDY And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 8. BARRY Wow, what does that do? TRUDY Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ANGLE ON: The Krelman machine. Bees with hand-shaped hats on, rotating around a wheel to catch drips of honey. Adam’s hand shoots up. ADAM Can anyone work on the Krelman? TRUDY Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. There are over 3000 different bee occupations. But choose carefully, because you’ll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life. The bees CHEER. ANGLE ON: Barry’s smile dropping slightly. BARRY The same job for the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. ADAM What’s the difference? TRUDY And you’ll be happy to know that bees as a species haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. BARRY So you’ll just work us to death? TRUDY (laughing) We’ll sure try. Everyone LAUGHS except Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 9. The tram drops down a log-flume type steep drop. Cameras flash, as all the bees throw up their hands. The frame freezes into a snapshot. Barry looks concerned. The tram continues through 2 doors. FORM DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 175 - “WALKING THE HIVE” INT. HONEX LOBBY ANGLE ON: The log-flume photo, as Barry looks at it. ADAM Wow. That blew my mind. BARRY (annoyed) “What’s the difference?” Adam, how could you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. ADAM Well, I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY But Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM Barry, why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. They walk by a newspaper stand with A SANDWICH BOARD READING: “Bee Goes Berserk: Stings Seven Then Self.” ANGLE ON: A BEE filling his car’s gas tank from a honey pump. He fills his car some, then takes a swig for himself. NEWSPAPER BEE (to the bee guzzling gas) Hey! Barry and Adam begin to cross the street. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 10. BARRY Yeah but Adam, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here? They stop in the middle of the street. The traffic moves perfectly around them. ADAM Like what? Give me one example. BARRY (thinks) ...I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BARRY They know what it’s like to go outside the hive. ADAM Yeah, but some of them don’t come back. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 11. The nectar from the pollen jocks is removed from their backpacks, and loaded into trucks on their way to Honex. A SMALL CROWD forms around the Patrol Bees. Each one has a PIT CREW that takes their nectar. Lou Loduca hurries a pit crew along: LOU LODUCA You guys did great! You’re monsters. You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! SCHOOL GIRLS are jumping up and down and squealing nearby. BARRY I wonder where those guys have just been? ADAM I don’t know. BARRY Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. ADAM You can’t just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. BARRY Right. Pollen Jocks cross in close proximity to Barry and Adam. Some pollen falls off, onto Barry and Adam. BARRY (CONT’D) Look at that. That’s more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime. ADAM (playing with the pollen) It’s just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it. BARRY Perhaps, unless you’re wearing it, and the ladies see you wearing it. ANGLE ON: Two girl bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 12. ADAM Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? BARRY Distant, distant. ANGLE ON: TWO POLLEN JOCKS. JACKSON Look at these two. SPLITZ Couple of Hive Harrys. JACKSON Let’s have some fun with them. The pollen jocks approach. Barry and Adam continue to talk to the girls. GIRL 1 It must be so dangerous being a pollen jock. BARRY Oh yeah, one time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom. He had one paw on my throat, and with the other he was slapping me back and forth across the face. GIRL 1 Oh my. BARRY I never thought I’d knock him out. GIRL 2 (to Adam) And what were you doing during all of this? ADAM Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. The girl swipes some pollen off of Adam with a finger. BARRY (re: pollen) I can autograph that if you want. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 13. JACKSON Little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? BARRY Yeah. Gusty. BUZZ You know, we’re going to hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY Six miles, huh? ADAM (whispering) Barry. BUZZ It’s a puddle-jump for us. But maybe you’re not up for it. BARRY Maybe I am. ADAM (whispering louder) You are not! BUZZ We’re going, oh-nine hundred at JGate. ADAM (re: j-gate) Whoa. BUZZ (leaning in, on top of Barry) What do you think, Buzzy Boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY I might be. It all depends on what oh-nine hundred means. CUT TO: SEQ. 450 - “THE BALCONY” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 14. INT. BENSON HOUSE BALCONY - LATER Barry is standing on the balcony alone, looking out over the city. Martin Benson ENTERS, sneaks up behind Barry and gooses him in his ribs. MARTIN BENSON Honex! BARRY Oh, Dad. You surprised me. MARTIN BENSON (laughing) Have you decided what you’re interested in, Son? BARRY Well, there’s a lot of choices. MARTIN BENSON But you only get one. Martin LAUGHS. BARRY Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN BENSON Son, let me tell you something about stirring. (making the stirring motion) You grab that stick and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. BARRY You know dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. MARTIN BENSON And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 15. BARRY Well no... MARTIN BENSON Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY I’m not trying to be funny. MARTIN BENSON You’re not funny, you’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer. JANET BENSON You’re going to be a stirrer?! BARRY No one’s listening to me. MARTIN BENSON Wait until you see the sticks I have for you. BARRY I can say anything I want right now. I’m going to get an ant tattoo. JANET BENSON Let’s open some fresh honey and celebrate. BARRY Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax! MARTIN BENSON (toasting) To honey! BARRY Shave my antennae! JANET BENSON To honey! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 16. BARRY Shack up with a grasshopper, get a gold tooth, and start calling everybody “Dawg.” CUT TO: SEQ. 760 - “JOB PLACEMENT” EXT. HONEX LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: A BEE BUS STOP. One group of bees stands on the pavement, as another group hovers above them. A doubledecker bus pulls up. The hovering bees get on the top level, and the standing bees get on the bottom. Barry and Adam pull up outside of Honex. ADAM I can’t believe we’re starting work today. BARRY Today’s the day. Adam jumps out of the car. ADAM (O.C) Come on. All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY Yeah, right... ANGLE ON: A BOARD READING: “JOB PLACEMENT BOARD”. Buzzwell, the Bee Processor, is at the counter. Another BEE APPLICANT, SANDY SHRIMPKIN is EXITING. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Is it still available? BUZZWELL Hang on. (he looks at changing numbers on the board) Two left. And...one of them’s yours. Congratulations Son, step to the side please. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 17. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Yeah! ADAM (to Sandy, leaving) What did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time it BOUNCES, the other bees cringe and GASP. ANGLE ON: Barry, terrified. Pure dumb luck, he’s not getting squished. BARRY (with each bounce) Very close...Gonna Hurt...Mamma’s little boy. SPLITZ You are way out of position, rookie. ANGLE ON: Vanessa serving. We see Barry and the ball up against the racket as she brings it back. She tosses the ball into the air; Barry’s eyes widen. The ball is STRUCK, and the rally is on. KEN Coming in at you like a missile! Ken HITS the ball back. Barry feels the g-forces. ANGLE ON: The Pollen Jocks watching Barry pass by them in SLOW MOTION. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 26. BARRY (in slow motion) Help me! JACKSON You know, I don't think these are flowers. SPLITZ Should we tell him? JACKSON I think he knows. BARRY (O.S) What is this?! Vanessa HITS a high arcing lob. Ken waits, poised for the return. We see Barry having trouble maneuvering the ball from fatigue. KEN (overly confident) Match point! ANGLE ON: Ken running up. He has a killer look in his eyes. He’s going to hit the ultimate overhead smash. KEN (CONT'D) You can just start packing up Honey, because I believe you’re about to eat it! ANGLE ON: Pollen Jocks. JACKSON Ahem! Ken is distracted by the jock. KEN What? No! He misses badly. The ball rockets into oblivion. Barry is still hanging on. ANGLE ON: Ken, berating himself. KEN (CONT’D) Oh, you cannot be serious. We hear the ball WHISTLING, and Barry SCREAMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 27. BARRY Yowser!!! SEQ. 1000 - “SUV” The ball flies through the air, and lands in the middle of the street. It bounces into the street again, and sticks in the grille of an SUV. INT. CAR ENGINE - CONTINUOUS BARRY’S POV: the grille of the SUV sucks him up. He tumbles through a black tunnel, whirling vanes, and pistons. BARRY AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OHHHH!! EECHHH!! AHHHHHH!! Barry gets chilled by the A/C system, and sees a frozen grasshopper. BARRY (CONT’D) (re: grasshopper) Eww, gross. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS The car is packed with a typical suburban family: MOTHER, FATHER, eight-year old BOY, LITTLE GIRL in a car seat and a GRANDMOTHER. A big slobbery DOG is behind a grate. Barry pops into the passenger compartment, hitting the Mother’s magazine. MOTHER There’s a bee in the car! They all notice the bee and start SCREAMING. BARRY Aaahhhh! Barry tumbles around the car. We see the faces from his POV. MOTHER Do something! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 28. FATHER I’m driving! Barry flies by the little girl in her CAR SEAT. She waves hello. LITTLE GIRL Hi, bee. SON He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! The car SWERVES around the road. Barry flies into the back, where the slobbery dog SNAPS at him. Barry deftly avoids the jaws and gross, flying SPITTLE. MOTHER Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! Everyone in the car freezes. Barry freezes. They stare at each other, eyes going back and forth, waiting to see who will make the first move. Barry blinks. GRANNY He blinked! Granny pulls out a can of HAIR SPRAY. SON Spray him, Granny! Granny sprays the hair spray everywhere. FATHER What are you doing? GRANNY It’s hair spray! Extra hold! MOTHER Kill it! Barry gets sprayed back by the hair spray, then sucked out of the sunroof. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 29. EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS BARRY Wow. The tension level out here is unbelievable. I’ve got to get home. As Barry flies down the street, it starts to RAIN. He nimbly avoids the rain at first. BARRY (CONT’D) Whoa. Whoa! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in-- A couple of drops hit him, his wings go limp and he starts falling. BARRY (CONT'D) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Barry sees a window ledge and aims for it and just makes it. Shivering and exhausted, he crawls into an open window as it CLOSES. SEQ. 1100 - “VANESSA SAVES BARRY” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Inside the window, Barry SHAKES off the rain like a dog. Vanessa, Ken, Andy, and Anna ENTER the apartment. VANESSA Ken, can you close the window please? KEN Huh? Oh. (to Andy) Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? It folds out. Ken holds up his brochure, with photos of himself, and a resume in the middle. ANGLE ON: Barry hiding behind the curtains, as Ken CLOSES THE WINDOW. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 30. BARRY Oh no, more humans. I don’t need this. Barry HOVERS up into the air and THROWS himself into the glass. BARRY (CONT’D) (dazed) Ow! What was that? He does it again, and then multiple more times. BARRY (CONT'D) Maybe this time...this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time. Barry JUMPS onto the drapes. BARRY (CONT'D) (out of breath) Drapes! (then, re: glass) That is diabolical. KEN It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top ten favorite movies. ANDY What’s your number one? Star Wars? KEN Ah, I don’t go for that, (makes Star Wars noises), kind of stuff. ANGLE ON: Barry. BARRY No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They’re out of their minds. KEN When I walk out of a job interview they’re flabbergasted. They can’t believe the things I say. Barry looks around and sees the LIGHT BULB FIXTURE in the middle of the ceiling. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 31. BARRY (re: light bulb) Oh, there’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. Barry takes off and heads straight for the light bulb. His POV: The seventy-five watt label grows as he gets closer. BARRY (CONT’D) I don’t remember the sun having a big seventy five on it. Barry HITS the bulb and is KNOCKED SILLY. He falls into a BOWL OF GUACAMOLE. Andy dips his chip in the guacamole, taking Barry with it. ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy. KEN I’ll tell you what. You know what? I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Barry’s POV: Giant human mouth opening. KEN (CONT’D) Wait! Stop! Beeeeeee! ANNA Kill it! Kill it! They all JUMP up from their chairs. Andy looks around for something to use. Ken comes in for the kill with a big TIMBERLAND BOOT on each hand. KEN Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa ENTERS, and stops Ken from squashing Barry. VANESSA (grabs Ken’s arm) Wait. Don’t kill him. CLOSE UP: on Barry’s puzzled face. KEN You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 32. VANESSA Why does his life have any less value than yours? She takes a GLASS TUMBLER and places it over Barry. KEN Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA I’m just saying, all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. Barry looks up through the glass and watches this conversation, astounded. Vanessa RIPS Ken’s resume in half and SLIDES it under the glass. KEN (wistful) My brochure. There’s a moment of eye contact as she carries Barry to the window. She opens it and sets him free. VANESSA There you go, little guy. KEN (O.C) I’m not scared of them. But, you know, it’s an allergic thing. ANDY (O.C) * Hey, why don’t you put that on your * resume-brochure? * KEN (O.C) It’s not funny, my whole face could puff up. ANDY (O.C) Make it one of your “Special Skills.” KEN (O.C) You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 33. EXT. WINDOWSILL - CONTINUOUS Barry stares over the window frame. He can’t believe what’s just happened. It is still RAINING. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1200 - “BARRY SPEAKS” EXT. WINDOWSILL - LATER Barry is still staring through the window. Inside, everyone’s saying their good-byes. KEN Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA Uh, yeah sure Ken. You know, whatever. KEN You can put carob chips on there. VANESSA Good night. KEN (as he exits) Supposed to be less calories, or something. VANESSA Bye. She shuts the door. Vanessa starts cleaning up. BARRY I’ve got to say something. She saved my life. I’ve got to say something. Alright, here it goes. Barry flies in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 34. INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Barry hides himself on different PRODUCTS placed along the kitchen shelves. He hides on a Bumblebee Tuna can, and a “Greetings From Coney Island” MUSCLE-MAN POSTCARD on the fridge. BARRY (on fridge) What would I say? (landing on a bottle) I could really get in trouble. He stands looking at Vanessa. BARRY (CONT'D) It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it! Come on! No, yes, no, do it! I can’t. How should I start it? You like jazz? No, that’s no good. Here she comes. Speak, you fool. As Vanessa walks by, Barry takes a DEEP BREATH. BARRY (CONT’D) (cheerful) Umm...hi. Vanessa DROPS A STACK OF DISHES, and HOPS BACK. BARRY (CONT’D) I’m sorry. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY Yes, I know, I know. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. VANESSA It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s just, I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t recall going to bed. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 35. BARRY Well, you know I’m sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA Well yeah. I mean this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean...you’re a bee. BARRY Yeah, I am a bee, and you know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me and if it wasn’t for you...I mean, I had to thank you. It’s just the way I was raised. Vanessa intentionally JABS her hand with a FORK. VANESSA Ow! BARRY That was a little weird. VANESSA (to herself) I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Anyway... VANESSA And a bee is talking to me... BARRY I just want you to know that I’m grateful, and I’m going to leave now. VANESSA Wait, wait, wait, wait, how did you learn to do that? BARRY What? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 36. VANESSA The talking thing. BARRY Same way you did, I guess. Mama, Dada, honey, you pick it up. VANESSA That’s very funny. BARRY Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. With what we have to deal with. Vanessa LAUGHS. BARRY (CONT’D) Anyway. VANESSA Can I, uh, get you something? BARRY Like what? VANESSA I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know. Coffee? BARRY Well, uh, I don’t want to put you out. VANESSA It’s no trouble. BARRY Unless you’re making anyway. VANESSA Oh, it takes two minutes. BARRY Really? VANESSA It’s just coffee. BARRY I hate to impose. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 37. VANESSA Don’t be ridiculous. BARRY Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA Hey, you want a little rum cake? BARRY I really shouldn’t. VANESSA Have a little rum cake. BARRY No, no, no, I can’t. VANESSA Oh, come on. BARRY You know, I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms here. VANESSA Where? BARRY Well... These stripes don’t help. VANESSA You look great. BARRY I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Vanessa starts POURING the coffee through an imaginary cup and directly onto the floor. BARRY (CONT'D) Are you alright? VANESSA No. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1300 - “ROOFTOP COFFEE” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 38. EXT. VANESSA’S ROOF - LATER Barry and Vanessa are drinking coffee on her roof terrace. He is perched on her keychain. BARRY ...He can’t get a taxi. He’s making the tie in the cab, as they’re flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY He runs up the steps into the church, the wedding is on... VANESSA Yeah? BARRY ...and he says, watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY Why would I marry a watermelon? Barry laughs. Vanessa doesn’t. VANESSA Oh! Is that, uh, a bee joke? BARRY Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff that we do. VANESSA Yeah, different. A BEAT. VANESSA (CONT’D) So anyway...what are you going to do, Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 39. BARRY About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. VANESSA I know how you feel. BARRY You do? VANESSA Sure, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY Really? VANESSA My only interest is flowers. BARRY Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. VANESSA Oh. BARRY Anyway, see there’s my hive, right there. You can see it. VANESSA Oh, you’re in Sheep Meadow. BARRY (excited) Yes! You know the turtle pond? VANESSA Yes? BARRY I’m right off of that. VANESSA Oh, no way. I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe-ring there once? BARRY Really? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 40. VANESSA Yes. BARRY Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA Why not? BARRY I don’t know. It’s like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA Really? Okay. A JANITOR in the background changes a LIGHTBULB. To him, it appears that Vanessa is talking to an imaginary friend. JANITOR You all right, ma’am? VANESSA Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. BARRY Anyway, this has been great. (wiping his mouth) Thanks for the coffee. Barry gazes at Vanessa. VANESSA Oh yeah, it’s no trouble. BARRY Sorry I couldn’t finish it. Vanessa giggles. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: coffee) If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Ummm. Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA Sure. Here, have a crumb. She takes a CRUMB from the plate and hands it to Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 41. BARRY (a little dreamy) Oh, thanks. VANESSA Yeah. There is an awkward pause. BARRY Alright, well then, I guess I’ll see you around, or not, or... VANESSA Okay Barry. BARRY And thank you so much again, for before. VANESSA Oh that? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA Oh, that was nothing. BARRY Well, not nothing, but, anyway... Vanessa extends her hand, and shakes Barry’s gingerly. The Janitor watches. The lightbulb shorts out. The Janitor FALLS. CUT TO: SEQ. 1400 - “HONEX” INT. HONEX BUILDING - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: A TEST BEE WEARING A PARACHUTE is in a wind tunnel, hovering through increasingly heavy wind. SIGNS UNDER A FLASHING LIGHT READ: “Test In Progress” & “Hurricane Survival Test”. 2 BEES IN A LAB COATS are observing behind glass. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 42. LAB COAT BEE 1 This can’t possibly work. LAB COAT BEE 2 Well, he’s all set to go, we may as well try it. (into the mic) Okay Dave, pull the chute. The test bee opens his parachute. He’s instantly blown against the rear wall. Adam and Barry ENTER. ADAM Sounds amazing. BARRY Oh, it was amazing. It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. ADAM Humans! Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant scary humans! What were they like? BARRY Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. ADAM And do they try and kill you like on TV? DIAVOLO Where the hell am I? BARRY Some of them. But some of them don’t. ADAM How’d you get back? BARRY Poodle. ADAM Look, you did it. And I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, you had your “experience”, and now you’re back, you can pick out your job, and everything can be normal. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 43. ANGLE ON: LAB BEES examining a CANDY CORN through a microscope. BARRY Well... ADAM Well? BARRY Well, I met someone. ADAM You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? BARRY Mmm. ADAM Not a WASP? Your parents will kill you. BARRY No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM Spider? BARRY You know, I’m not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it’s like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. Barry makes a spider face. ADAM So, who is she? BARRY She’s a human. ADAM Oh no, no, no, no. That didn’t happen. You didn’t do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. BARRY Her name’s Vanessa. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 44. ADAM Oh, oh boy! BARRY She’s so-o nice. And she’s a florist! ADAM Oh, no. No, no, no! You’re dating a human florist? BARRY We’re not dating. ADAM You’re flying outside the hive. You’re talking to human beings that attack our homes with power washers and M-80’s. That’s 1/8 of a stick of dynamite. BARRY She saved my life. And she understands me. ADAM This is over. Barry pulls out the crumb. BARRY Eat this. Barry stuffs the crumb into Adam’s face. ADAM This is not over. What was that? BARRY They call it a crumb. ADAM That was SO STINGING STRIPEY! BARRY And that’s not even what they eat. That just falls off what they eat. Do you know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM No. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 45. BARRY It’s bread... ADAM Come in here! BARRY and cinnamon, ADAM Be quiet! BARRY and frosting...they heat it up-- ADAM Sit down! INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS BARRY Really hot! ADAM Listen to me! We are not them. We’re us. There’s us and there’s them. BARRY Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning... Barry rolls his chair down the corridor. ADAM There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. ANOTHER BEE JOINS IN. ANOTHER BEE Thinking bee. WIDER SHOT AS A 3RD BEE ENTERS, popping up over the cubicle wall. 3RD BEE Thinking bee. EVEN WIDER SHOT AS ALL THE BEES JOIN IN. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 46. OTHER BEES Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. CUT TO: SEQ. 1500 - “POOLSIDE NAGGING” EXT.
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2020.06.13 06:03 Igan-the-Goat [Event] The Red-Blue Courts, and the New Life Guards

The Red-Blue Courts
The Thai Party has finally passed one of the largest peaceful constitutional revisions in the country's history. They have completely reformed the judiciary system of the Kingdom of Thailand, officially adopting a slimmed-down system that is far more efficient, speedy, and of course in the spirit of the New Life Movement. These constitutional amendments have drastically reduced the court system down to a single track that will handle both civil and criminal cases, and all lead to the Supreme Court of the Kingdom of Thailand. They also coincidentally void the appointments and selection of every judge within the country to date. The New Life Movement and the Thai Party will select every single judge within the country, shaping the future of the judicial system indefinitely.
While many have expressed worry about the New Life Movement's heavy hand in redesigning the Thai Court System, many have hailed it as a triumph. A renewed focus has been built in the Courts around evidence. No more will case be tried off of speculation and sketchy reports, but instead, rely on hard evidence and a strong prosecution to convict. The Judiciary will ultimately be independent of the other two branches, but at some level will still have to respond to the wants and needs of the legislative and executive branches.
The new Red-Blue courts are going to be packed with Judges from the New Life Movement and will be able to shape the future of Thai courts indefinitely. They will also be able to protect the government from any civil prosecution or judicial attacks, and of course, loyalty will be maintained with impeachment.
The New Life Guards
The New Life Guards are a new armed wing of the Thai Party. They report to Chief of Party Loyalty Chet Nitaya, who will not only use the heavily armed security guards to protect Party Members and events, but also to ensure that Loyalty to the Party and to the New Life Movement is maintained. Why the New Life Guards need weapons to do that, is worrying perhaps, but it's better if you don't ask questions in Thailand. The New Life Guards have already been seen around the country, wearing an all-black uniform, an Elephant roaring as their insignia. Most noticeably they are now providing for the security of Prime Minister Sap Sansurin, no longer dressed in suits and concealing their pistols, but wearing pseudo-military uniforms, and openly carrying their firearms.
The New Life Guards have also been seen at a number of Rallies and Assemblies, leading the crowd in cheering and chants. Their role may be more than just security and loyalty, instead functioning mainly as an incredibly loyal part of the party that can be relied on for a variety of tasks that include armed security. Their insignia of a roaring elephant is absolutely badass and as such has spread rapidly across the internet, and people think it's pretty sweet. Like the fearsome elephant that inhabits Thailand, the New Life Guards are an incredibly fierce and loyal society.
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2020.06.06 07:05 RealMudkipLegend Half of the bee movie script

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 - “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos tiempos. BARRY I wonder what it’s going to be like? ADAM A little scary. Barry shakes Adam. BARRY AND ADAM AAHHHH! The tram passes under SIGNS READING: “Honex: A Division of Honesco: A Part of the Hexagon Group.” TRUDY Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco, and a part of the Hexagon group. BARRY This is it! The Honex doors OPEN, revealing the factory. BARRY (CONT’D) Wow. TRUDY We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive where our top secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this... Trudy GRABS a TEST TUBE OF HONEY from a technician. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 7. TRUDY (CONT’D) ...soothing, sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow, you all know as... EVERYONE ON THE TRAM (in unison) H-o-n-e-y. Trudy flips the flask into the crowd, and laughs as they all scramble for it. ANGLE ON: A GIRL BEE catching the honey. ADAM (sotto) That girl was hot. BARRY (sotto) She’s my cousin. ADAM She is? BARRY Yes, we’re all cousins. ADAM Right. You’re right. TRUDY At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress testing a new helmet technology. ANGLE ON: A STUNT BEE in a HELMET getting hit with a NEWSPAPER, then a SHOE, then a FLYSWATTER. He gets up, and gives a “thumb’s up”. The graduate bees APPLAUD. ADAM (re: stunt bee) What do you think he makes? BARRY Not enough. TRUDY And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 8. BARRY Wow, what does that do? TRUDY Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ANGLE ON: The Krelman machine. Bees with hand-shaped hats on, rotating around a wheel to catch drips of honey. Adam’s hand shoots up. ADAM Can anyone work on the Krelman? TRUDY Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. There are over 3000 different bee occupations. But choose carefully, because you’ll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life. The bees CHEER. ANGLE ON: Barry’s smile dropping slightly. BARRY The same job for the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. ADAM What’s the difference? TRUDY And you’ll be happy to know that bees as a species haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. BARRY So you’ll just work us to death? TRUDY (laughing) We’ll sure try. Everyone LAUGHS except Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 9. The tram drops down a log-flume type steep drop. Cameras flash, as all the bees throw up their hands. The frame freezes into a snapshot. Barry looks concerned. The tram continues through 2 doors. FORM DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 175 - “WALKING THE HIVE” INT. HONEX LOBBY ANGLE ON: The log-flume photo, as Barry looks at it. ADAM Wow. That blew my mind. BARRY (annoyed) “What’s the difference?” Adam, how could you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. ADAM Well, I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY But Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM Barry, why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. They walk by a newspaper stand with A SANDWICH BOARD READING: “Bee Goes Berserk: Stings Seven Then Self.” ANGLE ON: A BEE filling his car’s gas tank from a honey pump. He fills his car some, then takes a swig for himself. NEWSPAPER BEE (to the bee guzzling gas) Hey! Barry and Adam begin to cross the street. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 10. BARRY Yeah but Adam, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here? They stop in the middle of the street. The traffic moves perfectly around them. ADAM Like what? Give me one example. BARRY (thinks) ...I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BARRY They know what it’s like to go outside the hive. ADAM Yeah, but some of them don’t come back. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 11. The nectar from the pollen jocks is removed from their backpacks, and loaded into trucks on their way to Honex. A SMALL CROWD forms around the Patrol Bees. Each one has a PIT CREW that takes their nectar. Lou Loduca hurries a pit crew along: LOU LODUCA You guys did great! You’re monsters. You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! SCHOOL GIRLS are jumping up and down and squealing nearby. BARRY I wonder where those guys have just been? ADAM I don’t know. BARRY Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. ADAM You can’t just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. BARRY Right. Pollen Jocks cross in close proximity to Barry and Adam. Some pollen falls off, onto Barry and Adam. BARRY (CONT’D) Look at that. That’s more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime. ADAM (playing with the pollen) It’s just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it. BARRY Perhaps, unless you’re wearing it, and the ladies see you wearing it. ANGLE ON: Two girl bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 12. ADAM Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? BARRY Distant, distant. ANGLE ON: TWO POLLEN JOCKS. JACKSON Look at these two. SPLITZ Couple of Hive Harrys. JACKSON Let’s have some fun with them. The pollen jocks approach. Barry and Adam continue to talk to the girls. GIRL 1 It must be so dangerous being a pollen jock. BARRY Oh yeah, one time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom. He had one paw on my throat, and with the other he was slapping me back and forth across the face. GIRL 1 Oh my. BARRY I never thought I’d knock him out. GIRL 2 (to Adam) And what were you doing during all of this? ADAM Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. The girl swipes some pollen off of Adam with a finger. BARRY (re: pollen) I can autograph that if you want. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 13. JACKSON Little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? BARRY Yeah. Gusty. BUZZ You know, we’re going to hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY Six miles, huh? ADAM (whispering) Barry. BUZZ It’s a puddle-jump for us. But maybe you’re not up for it. BARRY Maybe I am. ADAM (whispering louder) You are not! BUZZ We’re going, oh-nine hundred at JGate. ADAM (re: j-gate) Whoa. BUZZ (leaning in, on top of Barry) What do you think, Buzzy Boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY I might be. It all depends on what oh-nine hundred means. CUT TO: SEQ. 450 - “THE BALCONY” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 14. INT. BENSON HOUSE BALCONY - LATER Barry is standing on the balcony alone, looking out over the city. Martin Benson ENTERS, sneaks up behind Barry and gooses him in his ribs. MARTIN BENSON Honex! BARRY Oh, Dad. You surprised me. MARTIN BENSON (laughing) Have you decided what you’re interested in, Son? BARRY Well, there’s a lot of choices. MARTIN BENSON But you only get one. Martin LAUGHS. BARRY Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN BENSON Son, let me tell you something about stirring. (making the stirring motion) You grab that stick and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. BARRY You know dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. MARTIN BENSON And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 15. BARRY Well no... MARTIN BENSON Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY I’m not trying to be funny. MARTIN BENSON You’re not funny, you’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer. JANET BENSON You’re going to be a stirrer?! BARRY No one’s listening to me. MARTIN BENSON Wait until you see the sticks I have for you. BARRY I can say anything I want right now. I’m going to get an ant tattoo. JANET BENSON Let’s open some fresh honey and celebrate. BARRY Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax! MARTIN BENSON (toasting) To honey! BARRY Shave my antennae! JANET BENSON To honey! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 16. BARRY Shack up with a grasshopper, get a gold tooth, and start calling everybody “Dawg.” CUT TO: SEQ. 760 - “JOB PLACEMENT” EXT. HONEX LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: A BEE BUS STOP. One group of bees stands on the pavement, as another group hovers above them. A doubledecker bus pulls up. The hovering bees get on the top level, and the standing bees get on the bottom. Barry and Adam pull up outside of Honex. ADAM I can’t believe we’re starting work today. BARRY Today’s the day. Adam jumps out of the car. ADAM (O.C) Come on. All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY Yeah, right... ANGLE ON: A BOARD READING: “JOB PLACEMENT BOARD”. Buzzwell, the Bee Processor, is at the counter. Another BEE APPLICANT, SANDY SHRIMPKIN is EXITING. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Is it still available? BUZZWELL Hang on. (he looks at changing numbers on the board) Two left. And...one of them’s yours. Congratulations Son, step to the side please. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 17. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Yeah! ADAM (to Sandy, leaving) What did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time it BOUNCES, the other bees cringe and GASP. ANGLE ON: Barry, terrified. Pure dumb luck, he’s not getting squished. BARRY (with each bounce) Very close...Gonna Hurt...Mamma’s little boy. SPLITZ You are way out of position, rookie. ANGLE ON: Vanessa serving. We see Barry and the ball up against the racket as she brings it back. She tosses the ball into the air; Barry’s eyes widen. The ball is STRUCK, and the rally is on. KEN Coming in at you like a missile! Ken HITS the ball back. Barry feels the g-forces. ANGLE ON: The Pollen Jocks watching Barry pass by them in SLOW MOTION. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 26. BARRY (in slow motion) Help me! JACKSON You know, I don't think these are flowers. SPLITZ Should we tell him? JACKSON I think he knows. BARRY (O.S) What is this?! Vanessa HITS a high arcing lob. Ken waits, poised for the return. We see Barry having trouble maneuvering the ball from fatigue. KEN (overly confident) Match point! ANGLE ON: Ken running up. He has a killer look in his eyes. He’s going to hit the ultimate overhead smash. KEN (CONT'D) You can just start packing up Honey, because I believe you’re about to eat it! ANGLE ON: Pollen Jocks. JACKSON Ahem! Ken is distracted by the jock. KEN What? No! He misses badly. The ball rockets into oblivion. Barry is still hanging on. ANGLE ON: Ken, berating himself. KEN (CONT’D) Oh, you cannot be serious. We hear the ball WHISTLING, and Barry SCREAMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 27. BARRY Yowser!!! SEQ. 1000 - “SUV” The ball flies through the air, and lands in the middle of the street. It bounces into the street again, and sticks in the grille of an SUV. INT. CAR ENGINE - CONTINUOUS BARRY’S POV: the grille of the SUV sucks him up. He tumbles through a black tunnel, whirling vanes, and pistons. BARRY AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OHHHH!! EECHHH!! AHHHHHH!! Barry gets chilled by the A/C system, and sees a frozen grasshopper. BARRY (CONT’D) (re: grasshopper) Eww, gross. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS The car is packed with a typical suburban family: MOTHER, FATHER, eight-year old BOY, LITTLE GIRL in a car seat and a GRANDMOTHER. A big slobbery DOG is behind a grate. Barry pops into the passenger compartment, hitting the Mother’s magazine. MOTHER There’s a bee in the car! They all notice the bee and start SCREAMING. BARRY Aaahhhh! Barry tumbles around the car. We see the faces from his POV. MOTHER Do something! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 28. FATHER I’m driving! Barry flies by the little girl in her CAR SEAT. She waves hello. LITTLE GIRL Hi, bee. SON He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! The car SWERVES around the road. Barry flies into the back, where the slobbery dog SNAPS at him. Barry deftly avoids the jaws and gross, flying SPITTLE. MOTHER Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! Everyone in the car freezes. Barry freezes. They stare at each other, eyes going back and forth, waiting to see who will make the first move. Barry blinks. GRANNY He blinked! Granny pulls out a can of HAIR SPRAY. SON Spray him, Granny! Granny sprays the hair spray everywhere. FATHER What are you doing? GRANNY It’s hair spray! Extra hold! MOTHER Kill it! Barry gets sprayed back by the hair spray, then sucked out of the sunroof. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 29. EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS BARRY Wow. The tension level out here is unbelievable. I’ve got to get home. As Barry flies down the street, it starts to RAIN. He nimbly avoids the rain at first. BARRY (CONT’D) Whoa. Whoa! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in-- A couple of drops hit him, his wings go limp and he starts falling. BARRY (CONT'D) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Barry sees a window ledge and aims for it and just makes it. Shivering and exhausted, he crawls into an open window as it CLOSES. SEQ. 1100 - “VANESSA SAVES BARRY” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Inside the window, Barry SHAKES off the rain like a dog. Vanessa, Ken, Andy, and Anna ENTER the apartment. VANESSA Ken, can you close the window please? KEN Huh? Oh. (to Andy) Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? It folds out. Ken holds up his brochure, with photos of himself, and a resume in the middle. ANGLE ON: Barry hiding behind the curtains, as Ken CLOSES THE WINDOW. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 30. BARRY Oh no, more humans. I don’t need this. Barry HOVERS up into the air and THROWS himself into the glass. BARRY (CONT’D) (dazed) Ow! What was that? He does it again, and then multiple more times. BARRY (CONT'D) Maybe this time...this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time. Barry JUMPS onto the drapes. BARRY (CONT'D) (out of breath) Drapes! (then, re: glass) That is diabolical. KEN It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top ten favorite movies. ANDY What’s your number one? Star Wars? KEN Ah, I don’t go for that, (makes Star Wars noises), kind of stuff. ANGLE ON: Barry. BARRY No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They’re out of their minds. KEN When I walk out of a job interview they’re flabbergasted. They can’t believe the things I say. Barry looks around and sees the LIGHT BULB FIXTURE in the middle of the ceiling. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 31. BARRY (re: light bulb) Oh, there’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. Barry takes off and heads straight for the light bulb. His POV: The seventy-five watt label grows as he gets closer. BARRY (CONT’D) I don’t remember the sun having a big seventy five on it. Barry HITS the bulb and is KNOCKED SILLY. He falls into a BOWL OF GUACAMOLE. Andy dips his chip in the guacamole, taking Barry with it. ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy. KEN I’ll tell you what. You know what? I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Barry’s POV: Giant human mouth opening. KEN (CONT’D) Wait! Stop! Beeeeeee! ANNA Kill it! Kill it! They all JUMP up from their chairs. Andy looks around for something to use. Ken comes in for the kill with a big TIMBERLAND BOOT on each hand. KEN Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa ENTERS, and stops Ken from squashing Barry. VANESSA (grabs Ken’s arm) Wait. Don’t kill him. CLOSE UP: on Barry’s puzzled face. KEN You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 32. VANESSA Why does his life have any less value than yours? She takes a GLASS TUMBLER and places it over Barry. KEN Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA I’m just saying, all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. Barry looks up through the glass and watches this conversation, astounded. Vanessa RIPS Ken’s resume in half and SLIDES it under the glass. KEN (wistful) My brochure. There’s a moment of eye contact as she carries Barry to the window. She opens it and sets him free. VANESSA There you go, little guy. KEN (O.C) I’m not scared of them. But, you know, it’s an allergic thing. ANDY (O.C) * Hey, why don’t you put that on your * resume-brochure? * KEN (O.C) It’s not funny, my whole face could puff up. ANDY (O.C) Make it one of your “Special Skills.” KEN (O.C) You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 33. EXT. WINDOWSILL - CONTINUOUS Barry stares over the window frame. He can’t believe what’s just happened. It is still RAINING. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1200 - “BARRY SPEAKS” EXT. WINDOWSILL - LATER Barry is still staring through the window. Inside, everyone’s saying their good-byes. KEN Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA Uh, yeah sure Ken. You know, whatever. KEN You can put carob chips on there. VANESSA Good night. KEN (as he exits) Supposed to be less calories, or something. VANESSA Bye. She shuts the door. Vanessa starts cleaning up. BARRY I’ve got to say something. She saved my life. I’ve got to say something. Alright, here it goes. Barry flies in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 34. INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Barry hides himself on different PRODUCTS placed along the kitchen shelves. He hides on a Bumblebee Tuna can, and a “Greetings From Coney Island” MUSCLE-MAN POSTCARD on the fridge. BARRY (on fridge) What would I say? (landing on a bottle) I could really get in trouble. He stands looking at Vanessa. BARRY (CONT'D) It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it! Come on! No, yes, no, do it! I can’t. How should I start it? You like jazz? No, that’s no good. Here she comes. Speak, you fool. As Vanessa walks by, Barry takes a DEEP BREATH. BARRY (CONT’D) (cheerful) Umm...hi. Vanessa DROPS A STACK OF DISHES, and HOPS BACK. BARRY (CONT’D) I’m sorry. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY Yes, I know, I know. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. VANESSA It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s just, I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t recall going to bed. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 35. BARRY Well, you know I’m sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA Well yeah. I mean this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean...you’re a bee. BARRY Yeah, I am a bee, and you know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me and if it wasn’t for you...I mean, I had to thank you. It’s just the way I was raised. Vanessa intentionally JABS her hand with a FORK. VANESSA Ow! BARRY That was a little weird. VANESSA (to herself) I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Anyway... VANESSA And a bee is talking to me... BARRY I just want you to know that I’m grateful, and I’m going to leave now. VANESSA Wait, wait, wait, wait, how did you learn to do that? BARRY What? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 36. VANESSA The talking thing. BARRY Same way you did, I guess. Mama, Dada, honey, you pick it up. VANESSA That’s very funny. BARRY Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. With what we have to deal with. Vanessa LAUGHS. BARRY (CONT’D) Anyway. VANESSA Can I, uh, get you something? BARRY Like what? VANESSA I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know. Coffee? BARRY Well, uh, I don’t want to put you out. VANESSA It’s no trouble. BARRY Unless you’re making anyway. VANESSA Oh, it takes two minutes. BARRY Really? VANESSA It’s just coffee. BARRY I hate to impose. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 37. VANESSA Don’t be ridiculous. BARRY Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA Hey, you want a little rum cake? BARRY I really shouldn’t. VANESSA Have a little rum cake. BARRY No, no, no, I can’t. VANESSA Oh, come on. BARRY You know, I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms here. VANESSA Where? BARRY Well... These stripes don’t help. VANESSA You look great. BARRY I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Vanessa starts POURING the coffee through an imaginary cup and directly onto the floor. BARRY (CONT'D) Are you alright? VANESSA No. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1300 - “ROOFTOP COFFEE” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 38. EXT. VANESSA’S ROOF - LATER Barry and Vanessa are drinking coffee on her roof terrace. He is perched on her keychain. BARRY ...He can’t get a taxi. He’s making the tie in the cab, as they’re flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY He runs up the steps into the church, the wedding is on... VANESSA Yeah? BARRY ...and he says, watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY Why would I marry a watermelon? Barry laughs. Vanessa doesn’t. VANESSA Oh! Is that, uh, a bee joke? BARRY Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff that we do. VANESSA Yeah, different. A BEAT. VANESSA (CONT’D) So anyway...what are you going to do, Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 39. BARRY About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. VANESSA I know how you feel. BARRY You do? VANESSA Sure, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY Really? VANESSA My only interest is flowers. BARRY Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. VANESSA Oh. BARRY Anyway, see there’s my hive, right there. You can see it. VANESSA Oh, you’re in Sheep Meadow. BARRY (excited) Yes! You know the turtle pond? VANESSA Yes? BARRY I’m right off of that. VANESSA Oh, no way. I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe-ring there once? BARRY Really? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 40. VANESSA Yes. BARRY Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA Why not? BARRY I don’t know. It’s like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA Really? Okay. A JANITOR in the background changes a LIGHTBULB. To him, it appears that Vanessa is talking to an imaginary friend. JANITOR You all right, ma’am? VANESSA Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. BARRY Anyway, this has been great. (wiping his mouth) Thanks for the coffee. Barry gazes at Vanessa. VANESSA Oh yeah, it’s no trouble. BARRY Sorry I couldn’t finish it. Vanessa giggles. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: coffee) If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Ummm. Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA Sure. Here, have a crumb. She takes a CRUMB from the plate and hands it to Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 41. BARRY (a little dreamy) Oh, thanks. VANESSA Yeah. There is an awkward pause. BARRY Alright, well then, I guess I’ll see you around, or not, or... VANESSA Okay Barry. BARRY And thank you so much again, for before. VANESSA Oh that? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA Oh, that was nothing. BARRY Well, not nothing, but, anyway... Vanessa extends her hand, and shakes Barry’s gingerly. The Janitor watches. The lightbulb shorts out. The Janitor FALLS. CUT TO: SEQ. 1400 - “HONEX” INT. HONEX BUILDING - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: A TEST BEE WEARING A PARACHUTE is in a wind tunnel, hovering through increasingly heavy wind. SIGNS UNDER A FLASHING LIGHT READ: “Test In Progress” & “Hurricane Survival Test”. 2 BEES IN A LAB COATS are observing behind glass. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 42. LAB COAT BEE 1 This can’t possibly work. LAB COAT BEE 2 Well, he’s all set to go, we may as well try it. (into the mic) Okay Dave, pull the chute. The test bee opens his parachute. He’s instantly blown against the rear wall. Adam and Barry ENTER. ADAM Sounds amazing. BARRY Oh, it was amazing. It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. ADAM Humans! Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant scary humans! What were they like? BARRY Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. ADAM And do they try and kill you like on TV? BARRY Some of them. But some of them don’t. ADAM How’d you get back? BARRY Poodle. ADAM Look, you did it. And I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, you had your “experience”, and now you’re back, you can pick out your job, and everything can be normal. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 43. ANGLE ON: LAB BEES examining a CANDY CORN through a microscope. BARRY Well... ADAM Well? BARRY Well, I met someone. ADAM You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? BARRY Mmm. ADAM Not a WASP? Your parents will kill you. BARRY No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM Spider? BARRY You know, I’m not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it’s like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. Barry makes a spider face. ADAM So, who is she? BARRY She’s a human. ADAM Oh no, no, no, no. That didn’t happen. You didn’t do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. BARRY Her name’s Vanessa. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 44. ADAM Oh, oh boy! BARRY She’s so-o nice. And she’s a florist! ADAM Oh, no. No, no, no! You’re dating a human florist? BARRY We’re not dating. ADAM You’re flying outside the hive. You’re talking to human beings that attack our homes with power washers and M-80’s. That’s 1/8 of a stick of dynamite. BARRY She saved my life. And she understands me. ADAM This is over. Barry pulls out the crumb. BARRY Eat this. Barry stuffs the crumb into Adam’s face. ADAM This is not over. What was that? BARRY They call it a crumb. ADAM That was SO STINGING STRIPEY! BARRY And that’s not even what they eat. That just falls off what they eat. Do you know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM No. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 45. BARRY It’s bread... ADAM Come in here! BARRY and cinnamon, ADAM Be quiet! BARRY and frosting...they heat it up-- ADAM Sit down! INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS BARRY Really hot! ADAM Listen to me! We are not them. We’re us. There’s us and there’s them. BARRY Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning... Barry rolls his chair down the corridor. ADAM There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. ANOTHER BEE JOINS IN. ANOTHER BEE Thinking bee. WIDER SHOT AS A 3RD BEE ENTERS, popping up over the cubicle wall. 3RD BEE Thinking bee. EVEN WIDER SHOT AS ALL THE BEES JOIN IN. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 46. OTHER BEES Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. CUT TO: SEQ. 1500 - “POOLSIDE NAGGING” EXT. BACKYARD PARENT’S HOUSE - DAY Barry
submitted by RealMudkipLegend to Evanite [link] [comments]


2020.05.21 19:50 AnglerCat The time somebody left a *%^$ doomsday device inside our CRM database

The time somebody left a *%^$ doomsday device inside our CRM database
So, no shit, there I was...
The date: February 2019
The system: Blackbaud CRM (on SQL Server 2014)
Some technical background: Blackbaud CRM has a concept of a "global change," which is basically a front end for a stored procedure: you use a little form-builder to create a form and some inputs, then you can map those inputs to the variables for a stored proc, and then execute the proc to update records in the database in bulk.
Some of you can probably already see where this is going. But I promise you, it's way worse than you're currently imagining.
The offender: "Chet" (not his real name)... I will say Chet was a "business analyst" because calling this guy a developer would be too generous. He was in our donor relations department, not central IT. The dude couldn't wrap his head around how version control works, and seemed to have issues with just following simple instructions in general. Fortunately, Chet left us to take another job far, far away.
Sometime after this all-star left our employment, I'm poking around the production database one day, when I happen upon a stored proc I don't recognize with a very generic-sounding name:
 [dbo].[USR_USP_GLOBAL_CHANGE_MEGC] 
I peek at the code.
My eye twitches involuntarily.
CREATE PROCEDURE [dbo].[USR_USP_GLOBAL_CHANGE_MEGC] @MEGC VARCHAR(4000) AS EXECUTE sp_executesql(@MEGC); 
(This is not the exact code, but a close approximation of what it said.)
Thinking I must be insane, that nobody in his right mind would purposefully put something like that into a production database, I go to the Blackbaud UI and find the corresponding form for this stored procedure, and find what appears to be a simple text parameter:

Blackbaud CRM Doomsday Device (Control Panel)
At this point, I can't stop my eye from twitching and I can almost feel a subarachnoid hemorrhage coming on.
The S.O.B. installed a freaking DOOMSDAY DEVICE in our CRM database!
He could feed the UI any SQL he wanted via that parameter and the proc would try to execute it! I started having visions of him running DROP TABLE scripts in this thing.
Immediately informed my boss, who agreed I should immediately drop the proc from the database and never speak of it again.
...
This is yet another reason to fear platforms like Blackbaud where "power users" are enabled to create their own stored procedures in the database. Somebody (not me, not my boss) hired Chet, put way too much faith in him, and let him run around inside a platform where power users can build crap like this.
Between this and the nonsense I posted about in my other recent thread about "ad hoc queries" in Blackbaud, I'm about to start waging a guerrilla campaign to get us out of that system and into a better CRM that puts less trust in its users.
submitted by AnglerCat to SQLServer [link] [comments]


2020.05.06 01:03 Quirky-Boot Here is the entire bee movie script for no reason. (part 1)

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 - “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos tiempos. BARRY I wonder what it’s going to be like? ADAM A little scary. Barry shakes Adam. BARRY AND ADAM AAHHHH! The tram passes under SIGNS READING: “Honex: A Division of Honesco: A Part of the Hexagon Group.” TRUDY Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco, and a part of the Hexagon group. BARRY This is it! The Honex doors OPEN, revealing the factory. BARRY (CONT’D) Wow. TRUDY We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive where our top secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this... Trudy GRABS a TEST TUBE OF HONEY from a technician. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 7. TRUDY (CONT’D) ...soothing, sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow, you all know as... EVERYONE ON THE TRAM (in unison) H-o-n-e-y. Trudy flips the flask into the crowd, and laughs as they all scramble for it. ANGLE ON: A GIRL BEE catching the honey. ADAM (sotto) That girl was hot. BARRY (sotto) She’s my cousin. ADAM She is? BARRY Yes, we’re all cousins. ADAM Right. You’re right. TRUDY At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress testing a new helmet technology. ANGLE ON: A STUNT BEE in a HELMET getting hit with a NEWSPAPER, then a SHOE, then a FLYSWATTER. He gets up, and gives a “thumb’s up”. The graduate bees APPLAUD. ADAM (re: stunt bee) What do you think he makes? BARRY Not enough. TRUDY And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 8. BARRY Wow, what does that do? TRUDY Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ANGLE ON: The Krelman machine. Bees with hand-shaped hats on, rotating around a wheel to catch drips of honey. Adam’s hand shoots up. ADAM Can anyone work on the Krelman? TRUDY Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. There are over 3000 different bee occupations. But choose carefully, because you’ll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life. The bees CHEER. ANGLE ON: Barry’s smile dropping slightly. BARRY The same job for the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. ADAM What’s the difference? TRUDY And you’ll be happy to know that bees as a species haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. BARRY So you’ll just work us to death? TRUDY (laughing) We’ll sure try. Everyone LAUGHS except Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 9. The tram drops down a log-flume type steep drop. Cameras flash, as all the bees throw up their hands. The frame freezes into a snapshot. Barry looks concerned. The tram continues through 2 doors. FORM DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 175 - “WALKING THE HIVE” INT. HONEX LOBBY ANGLE ON: The log-flume photo, as Barry looks at it. ADAM Wow. That blew my mind. BARRY (annoyed) “What’s the difference?” Adam, how could you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. ADAM Well, I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY But Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM Barry, why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. They walk by a newspaper stand with A SANDWICH BOARD READING: “Bee Goes Berserk: Stings Seven Then Self.” ANGLE ON: A BEE filling his car’s gas tank from a honey pump. He fills his car some, then takes a swig for himself. NEWSPAPER BEE (to the bee guzzling gas) Hey! Barry and Adam begin to cross the street. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 10. BARRY Yeah but Adam, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here? They stop in the middle of the street. The traffic moves perfectly around them. ADAM Like what? Give me one example. BARRY (thinks) ...I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BARRY They know what it’s like to go outside the hive. ADAM Yeah, but some of them don’t come back. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 11. The nectar from the pollen jocks is removed from their backpacks, and loaded into trucks on their way to Honex. A SMALL CROWD forms around the Patrol Bees. Each one has a PIT CREW that takes their nectar. Lou Loduca hurries a pit crew along: LOU LODUCA You guys did great! You’re monsters. You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! SCHOOL GIRLS are jumping up and down and squealing nearby. BARRY I wonder where those guys have just been? ADAM I don’t know. BARRY Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. ADAM You can’t just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. BARRY Right. Pollen Jocks cross in close proximity to Barry and Adam. Some pollen falls off, onto Barry and Adam. BARRY (CONT’D) Look at that. That’s more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime. ADAM (playing with the pollen) It’s just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it. BARRY Perhaps, unless you’re wearing it, and the ladies see you wearing it. ANGLE ON: Two girl bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 12. ADAM Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? BARRY Distant, distant. ANGLE ON: TWO POLLEN JOCKS. JACKSON Look at these two. SPLITZ Couple of Hive Harrys. JACKSON Let’s have some fun with them. The pollen jocks approach. Barry and Adam continue to talk to the girls. GIRL 1 It must be so dangerous being a pollen jock. BARRY Oh yeah, one time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom. He had one paw on my throat, and with the other he was slapping me back and forth across the face. GIRL 1 Oh my. BARRY I never thought I’d knock him out. GIRL 2 (to Adam) And what were you doing during all of this? ADAM Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. The girl swipes some pollen off of Adam with a finger. BARRY (re: pollen) I can autograph that if you want. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 13. JACKSON Little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? BARRY Yeah. Gusty. BUZZ You know, we’re going to hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY Six miles, huh? ADAM (whispering) Barry. BUZZ It’s a puddle-jump for us. But maybe you’re not up for it. BARRY Maybe I am. ADAM (whispering louder) You are not! BUZZ We’re going, oh-nine hundred at JGate. ADAM (re: j-gate) Whoa. BUZZ (leaning in, on top of Barry) What do you think, Buzzy Boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY I might be. It all depends on what oh-nine hundred means. CUT TO: SEQ. 450 - “THE BALCONY” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 14. INT. BENSON HOUSE BALCONY - LATER Barry is standing on the balcony alone, looking out over the city. Martin Benson ENTERS, sneaks up behind Barry and gooses him in his ribs. MARTIN BENSON Honex! BARRY Oh, Dad. You surprised me. MARTIN BENSON (laughing) Have you decided what you’re interested in, Son? BARRY Well, there’s a lot of choices. MARTIN BENSON But you only get one. Martin LAUGHS. BARRY Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN BENSON Son, let me tell you something about stirring. (making the stirring motion) You grab that stick and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. BARRY You know dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. MARTIN BENSON And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 15. BARRY Well no... MARTIN BENSON Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY I’m not trying to be funny. MARTIN BENSON You’re not funny, you’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer. JANET BENSON You’re going to be a stirrer?! BARRY No one’s listening to me. MARTIN BENSON Wait until you see the sticks I have for you. BARRY I can say anything I want right now. I’m going to get an ant tattoo. JANET BENSON Let’s open some fresh honey and celebrate. BARRY Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax! MARTIN BENSON (toasting) To honey! BARRY Shave my antennae! JANET BENSON To honey! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 16. BARRY Shack up with a grasshopper, get a gold tooth, and start calling everybody “Dawg.” CUT TO: SEQ. 760 - “JOB PLACEMENT” EXT. HONEX LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: A BEE BUS STOP. One group of bees stands on the pavement, as another group hovers above them. A doubledecker bus pulls up. The hovering bees get on the top level, and the standing bees get on the bottom. Barry and Adam pull up outside of Honex. ADAM I can’t believe we’re starting work today. BARRY Today’s the day. Adam jumps out of the car. ADAM (O.C) Come on. All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY Yeah, right... ANGLE ON: A BOARD READING: “JOB PLACEMENT BOARD”. Buzzwell, the Bee Processor, is at the counter. Another BEE APPLICANT, SANDY SHRIMPKIN is EXITING. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Is it still available? BUZZWELL Hang on. (he looks at changing numbers on the board) Two left. And...one of them’s yours. Congratulations Son, step to the side please. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 17. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Yeah! ADAM (to Sandy, leaving) What did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time it BOUNCES, the other bees cringe and GASP. ANGLE ON: Barry, terrified. Pure dumb luck, he’s not getting squished. BARRY (with each bounce) Very close...Gonna Hurt...Mamma’s little boy. SPLITZ You are way out of position, rookie. ANGLE ON: Vanessa serving. We see Barry and the ball up against the racket as she brings it back. She tosses the ball into the air; Barry’s eyes widen. The ball is STRUCK, and the rally is on. KEN Coming in at you like a missile! Ken HITS the ball back. Barry feels the g-forces. ANGLE ON: The Pollen Jocks watching Barry pass by them in SLOW MOTION. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 26. BARRY (in slow motion) Help me! JACKSON You know, I don't think these are flowers. SPLITZ Should we tell him? JACKSON I think he knows. BARRY (O.S) What is this?! Vanessa HITS a high arcing lob. Ken waits, poised for the return. We see Barry having trouble maneuvering the ball from fatigue. KEN (overly confident) Match point! ANGLE ON: Ken running up. He has a killer look in his eyes. He’s going to hit the ultimate overhead smash. KEN (CONT'D) You can just start packing up Honey, because I believe you’re about to eat it! ANGLE ON: Pollen Jocks. JACKSON Ahem! Ken is distracted by the jock. KEN What? No! He misses badly. The ball rockets into oblivion. Barry is still hanging on. ANGLE ON: Ken, berating himself. KEN (CONT’D) Oh, you cannot be serious. We hear the ball WHISTLING, and Barry SCREAMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 27. BARRY Yowser!!! SEQ. 1000 - “SUV” The ball flies through the air, and lands in the middle of the street. It bounces into the street again, and sticks in the grille of an SUV. INT. CAR ENGINE - CONTINUOUS BARRY’S POV: the grille of the SUV sucks him up. He tumbles through a black tunnel, whirling vanes, and pistons. BARRY AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OHHHH!! EECHHH!! AHHHHHH!! Barry gets chilled by the A/C system, and sees a frozen grasshopper. BARRY (CONT’D) (re: grasshopper) Eww, gross. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS The car is packed with a typical suburban family: MOTHER, FATHER, eight-year old BOY, LITTLE GIRL in a car seat and a GRANDMOTHER. A big slobbery DOG is behind a grate. Barry pops into the passenger compartment, hitting the Mother’s magazine. MOTHER There’s a bee in the car! They all notice the bee and start SCREAMING. BARRY Aaahhhh! Barry tumbles around the car. We see the faces from his POV. MOTHER Do something! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 28. FATHER I’m driving! Barry flies by the little girl in her CAR SEAT. She waves hello. LITTLE GIRL Hi, bee. SON He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! The car SWERVES around the road. Barry flies into the back, where the slobbery dog SNAPS at him. Barry deftly avoids the jaws and gross, flying SPITTLE. MOTHER Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! Everyone in the car freezes. Barry freezes. They stare at each other, eyes going back and forth, waiting to see who will make the first move. Barry blinks. GRANNY He blinked! Granny pulls out a can of HAIR SPRAY. SON Spray him, Granny! Granny sprays the hair spray everywhere. FATHER What are you doing? GRANNY It’s hair spray! Extra hold! MOTHER Kill it! Barry gets sprayed back by the hair spray, then sucked out of the sunroof. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 29. EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS BARRY Wow. The tension level out here is unbelievable. I’ve got to get home. As Barry flies down the street, it starts to RAIN. He nimbly avoids the rain at first. BARRY (CONT’D) Whoa. Whoa! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in-- A couple of drops hit him, his wings go limp and he starts falling. BARRY (CONT'D) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Barry sees a window ledge and aims for it and just makes it. Shivering and exhausted, he crawls into an open window as it CLOSES. SEQ. 1100 - “VANESSA SAVES BARRY” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Inside the window, Barry SHAKES off the rain like a dog. Vanessa, Ken, Andy, and Anna ENTER the apartment. VANESSA Ken, can you close the window please? KEN Huh? Oh. (to Andy) Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? It folds out. Ken holds up his brochure, with photos of himself, and a resume in the middle. ANGLE ON: Barry hiding behind the curtains, as Ken CLOSES THE WINDOW. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 30. BARRY Oh no, more humans. I don’t need this. Barry HOVERS up into the air and THROWS himself into the glass. BARRY (CONT’D) (dazed) Ow! What was that? He does it again, and then multiple more times. BARRY (CONT'D) Maybe this time...this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time. Barry JUMPS onto the drapes. BARRY (CONT'D) (out of breath) Drapes! (then, re: glass) That is diabolical. KEN It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top ten favorite movies. ANDY What’s your number one? Star Wars? KEN Ah, I don’t go for that, (makes Star Wars noises), kind of stuff. ANGLE ON: Barry. BARRY No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They’re out of their minds. KEN When I walk out of a job interview they’re flabbergasted. They can’t believe the things I say. Barry looks around and sees the LIGHT BULB FIXTURE in the middle of the ceiling. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 31. BARRY (re: light bulb) Oh, there’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. Barry takes off and heads straight for the light bulb. His POV: The seventy-five watt label grows as he gets closer. BARRY (CONT’D) I don’t remember the sun having a big seventy five on it. Barry HITS the bulb and is KNOCKED SILLY. He falls into a BOWL OF GUACAMOLE. Andy dips his chip in the guacamole, taking Barry with it. ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy. KEN I’ll tell you what. You know what? I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Barry’s POV: Giant human mouth opening. KEN (CONT’D) Wait! Stop! Beeeeeee! ANNA Kill it! Kill it! They all JUMP up from their chairs. Andy looks around for something to use. Ken comes in for the kill with a big TIMBERLAND BOOT on each hand. KEN Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa ENTERS, and stops Ken from squashing Barry. VANESSA (grabs Ken’s arm) Wait. Don’t kill him. CLOSE UP: on Barry’s puzzled face. KEN You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 32. VANESSA Why does his life have any less value than yours? She takes a GLASS TUMBLER and places it over Barry. KEN Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA I’m just saying, all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. Barry looks up through the glass and watches this conversation, astounded. Vanessa RIPS Ken’s resume in half and SLIDES it under the glass. KEN (wistful) My brochure. There’s a moment of eye contact as she carries Barry to the window. She opens it and sets him free. VANESSA There you go, little guy. KEN (O.C) I’m not scared of them. But, you know, it’s an allergic thing. ANDY (O.C) * Hey, why don’t you put that on your * resume-brochure? * KEN (O.C) It’s not funny, my whole face could puff up. ANDY (O.C) Make it one of your “Special Skills.” KEN (O.C) You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 33. EXT. WINDOWSILL - CONTINUOUS Barry stares over the window frame. He can’t believe what’s just happened. It is still RAINING. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1200 - “BARRY SPEAKS” EXT. WINDOWSILL - LATER Barry is still staring through the window. Inside, everyone’s saying their good-byes. KEN Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA Uh, yeah sure Ken. You know, whatever. KEN You can put carob chips on there. VANESSA Good night. KEN (as he exits) Supposed to be less calories, or something. VANESSA Bye. She shuts the door. Vanessa starts cleaning up. BARRY I’ve got to say something. She saved my life. I’ve got to say something. Alright, here it goes. Barry flies in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 34. INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Barry hides himself on different PRODUCTS placed along the kitchen shelves. He hides on a Bumblebee Tuna can, and a “Greetings From Coney Island” MUSCLE-MAN POSTCARD on the fridge. BARRY (on fridge) What would I say? (landing on a bottle) I could really get in trouble. He stands looking at Vanessa. BARRY (CONT'D) It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it! Come on! No, yes, no, do it! I can’t. How should I start it? You like jazz? No, that’s no good. Here she comes. Speak, you fool. As Vanessa walks by, Barry takes a DEEP BREATH. BARRY (CONT’D) (cheerful) Umm...hi. Vanessa DROPS A STACK OF DISHES, and HOPS BACK. BARRY (CONT’D) I’m sorry. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY Yes, I know, I know. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. VANESSA It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s just, I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t recall going to bed. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 35. BARRY Well, you know I’m sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA Well yeah. I mean this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean...you’re a bee. BARRY Yeah, I am a bee, and you know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me and if it wasn’t for you...I mean, I had to thank you. It’s just the way I was raised. Vanessa intentionally JABS her hand with a FORK. VANESSA Ow! BARRY That was a little weird. VANESSA (to herself) I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Anyway... VANESSA And a bee is talking to me... BARRY I just want you to know that I’m grateful, and I’m going to leave now. VANESSA Wait, wait, wait, wait, how did you learn to do that? BARRY What? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 36. VANESSA The talking thing. BARRY Same way you did, I guess. Mama, Dada, honey, you pick it up. VANESSA That’s very funny. BARRY Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. With what we have to deal with. Vanessa LAUGHS. BARRY (CONT’D) Anyway. VANESSA Can I, uh, get you something? BARRY Like what? VANESSA I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know. Coffee? BARRY Well, uh, I don’t want to put you out. VANESSA It’s no trouble. BARRY Unless you’re making anyway. VANESSA Oh, it takes two minutes. BARRY Really? VANESSA It’s just coffee. BARRY I hate to impose. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 37. VANESSA Don’t be ridiculous. BARRY Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA Hey, you want a little rum cake? BARRY I really shouldn’t. VANESSA Have a little rum cake. BARRY No, no, no, I can’t. VANESSA Oh, come on. BARRY You know, I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms here. VANESSA Where? BARRY Well... These stripes don’t help. VANESSA You look great. BARRY I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Vanessa starts POURING the coffee through an imaginary cup and directly onto the floor. BARRY (CONT'D) Are you alright? VANESSA No. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1300 - “ROOFTOP COFFEE” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 38. EXT. VANESSA’S ROOF - LATER Barry and Vanessa are drinking coffee on her roof terrace. He is perched on her keychain. BARRY ...He can’t get a taxi. He’s making the tie in the cab, as they’re flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY He runs up the steps into the church, the wedding is on... VANESSA Yeah? BARRY ...and he says, watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY Why would I marry a watermelon? Barry laughs. Vanessa doesn’t. VANESSA Oh! Is that, uh, a bee joke? BARRY Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff that we do. VANESSA Yeah, different. A BEAT. VANESSA (CONT’D) So anyway...what are you going to do, Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 39. BARRY About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. VANESSA I know how you feel. BARRY You do? VANESSA Sure, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY Really? VANESSA My only interest is flowers. BARRY Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. VANESSA Oh. BARRY Anyway, see there’s my hive, right there. You can see it. VANESSA Oh, you’re in Sheep Meadow. BARRY (excited) Yes! You know the turtle pond? VANESSA Yes? BARRY I’m right off of that. VANESSA Oh, no way. I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe-ring there once? BARRY Really? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 40. VANESSA Yes. BARRY Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA Why not? BARRY I don’t know. It’s like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA Really? Okay. A JANITOR in the background changes a LIGHTBULB. To him, it appears that Vanessa is talking to an imaginary friend. JANITOR You all right, ma’am? VANESSA Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. BARRY Anyway, this has been great. (wiping his mouth) Thanks for the coffee. Barry gazes at Vanessa. VANESSA Oh yeah, it’s no trouble. BARRY Sorry I couldn’t finish it. Vanessa giggles. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: coffee) If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Ummm. Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA Sure. Here, have a crumb. She takes a CRUMB from the plate and hands it to Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 41. BARRY (a little dreamy) Oh, thanks. VANESSA Yeah. There is an awkward pause. BARRY Alright, well then, I guess I’ll see you around, or not, or... VANESSA Okay Barry. BARRY And thank you so much again, for before. VANESSA Oh that? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA Oh, that was nothing. BARRY Well, not nothing, but, anyway... Vanessa extends her hand, and shakes Barry’s gingerly. The Janitor watches. The lightbulb shorts out. The Janitor FALLS. CUT TO: SEQ. 1400 - “HONEX” INT. HONEX BUILDING - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: A TEST BEE WEARING A PARACHUTE is in a wind tunnel, hovering through increasingly heavy wind. SIGNS UNDER A FLASHING LIGHT READ: “Test In Progress” & “Hurricane Survival Test”. 2 BEES IN A LAB COATS are observing behind glass. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 42. LAB COAT BEE 1 This can’t possibly work. LAB COAT BEE 2 Well, he’s all set to go, we may as well try it. (into the mic) Okay Dave, pull the chute. The test bee opens his parachute. He’s instantly blown against the rear wall. Adam and Barry ENTER. ADAM Sounds amazing. BARRY Oh, it was amazing. It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. ADAM Humans! Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant scary humans! What were they like? BARRY Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. ADAM And do they try and kill you like on TV? BARRY Some of them. But some of them don’t. ADAM How’d you get back? BARRY Poodle. ADAM Look, you did it. And I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, you had your “experience”, and now you’re back, you can pick out your job, and everything can be normal. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 43. ANGLE ON: LAB BEES examining a CANDY CORN through a microscope. BARRY Well... ADAM Well? BARRY Well, I met someone. ADAM You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? BARRY Mmm. ADAM Not a WASP? Your parents will kill you. BARRY No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM Spider? BARRY You know, I’m not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it’s like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. Barry makes a spider face. ADAM So, who is she? BARRY She’s a human. ADAM Oh no, no, no, no. That didn’t happen. You didn’t do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. BARRY Her name’s Vanessa. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 44. ADAM Oh, oh boy! BARRY She’s so-o nice. And she’s a florist! ADAM Oh, no. No, no, no! You’re dating a human florist? BARRY We’re not dating. ADAM You’re flying outside the hive. You’re talking to human beings that attack our homes with power washers and M-80’s. That’s 1/8 of a stick of dynamite. BARRY She saved my life. And she understands me. ADAM This is over. Barry pulls out the crumb. BARRY Eat this. Barry stuffs the crumb into Adam’s face. ADAM This is not over. What was that? BARRY They call it a crumb. ADAM That was SO STINGING STRIPEY! BARRY And that’s not even what they eat. That just falls off what they eat. Do you know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM No. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 45. BARRY It’s bread... ADAM Come in here! BARRY and cinnamon, ADAM Be quiet! BARRY and frosting...they heat it up-- ADAM Sit down! INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS BARRY Really hot! ADAM Listen to me! We are not them. We’re us. There’s us and there’s them. BARRY Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning... Barry rolls his chair down the corridor. ADAM There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. ANOTHER BEE JOINS IN. ANOTHER BEE Thinking bee. WIDER SHOT AS A 3RD BEE ENTERS, popping up over the cubicle wall. 3RD BEE Thinking bee. EVEN WIDER SHOT AS ALL THE BEES JOIN IN. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 46. OTHER BEES Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. CUT TO: SEQ. 1500 - “POOLSIDE NAGGING” EXT. BACKYARD PARENT’S HOUSE - DAY Barry sits on a RAFT in a hexagon honey pool, legs dangling into the water.
submitted by Quirky-Boot to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.04.10 22:41 SuperMikoo "The L Button" - a full video script

Hey all, Scott here, and quarantine sucks. I mean, come on, I'm expected to stay at home by myself for months, how am I supposed to farm virgin points without the option of public embarrassment?
Cuts to compilation of Scott doing stupid things outside in videos
Well, I got nothing else to do and months of time to burn, so let's play video games!
Scott gets his Nintendo Switch controller and presses the L Button on accident, then the power goes out
Well sh*t.
Scott looks at his finger, which is still on the L Button.
Flashback to Scott saying "guess I have to talk about the L Button today"
Eh, why not?
The L Button! It's been a staple in gaming since the beginning, if the words "the beginning" mean "around 1990" to you. And when they aren't destroying vital powerlines and infrastructure, they're actually pretty useful.
It's easy to talk about the Super Nintendo and all of it's innovations, but I wanna go further back, to the first appearance of the L button.
The phrase made up of the words "Button" and "L" in order of consecutive increase in letters was first popularized by the release of the office typewriter, in 1874. People would press it and the letter "L" would get stamped onto a page by whatever this thing is called
Picture of typewriter seal appears
The next major appearance of the button was on computer keyboards. It did the same thing, but apparently electrons were used at some point in the process.
Then came a period where little to no new technology used an L button. Atari passed right by, and it seemed like Nintendo did too. But then they went back on that decision after major backlash from pre-fetus Scott and the rest of the pro L button community.
Yeah the SNES was cool. It had 16 bits, the prequel to Donkey Kong: Barrel Blast, and this little piece of plastic.
Shows SNES controller L button
This was a great Idea. While Sega experimented with adding a ton of face buttons to their Genesis controllers, Nintendo realized that this was... too much. With 2 face buttons, you always have access to both of them. With 4, there's always one button that's just out of reach and slightly uncomfortable to hit, but with 6?
How am I supposed to use this?
Nintendo saw this, and thought "let's just move these 2 from here to here," and BAM we have a new controller in our hands.
Shows graphic where 2 face buttons are moved to the top of the controller and become shoulder buttons
This was absolutely ingenious. With most controllers, you just naturally had your fingers up where the buttons are anyways, so you always had access to them. This led to games on the SNES having more complex control systems that required the use of multiple buttons at a time, and wouldn't you know it, one of them just happened to be called "L".
Next up, we have the SEGA Saturn. Sega watched Nintendo add shoulder buttons in order to fix the face button problem, and they went and added shoulder buttons. Without removing the 2 extra face buttons. WHY.
I mean, I get this was to allow for better fighting and RPG controls, but it ends up feeling overall less polished than the SNES layout.
Now, it was Sony's turn to come in, with not one, but 2 L buttons. Yes, that's right, they added more non-face buttons, and managed to place them in such a way that they were easily accessible by your index fingers without affecting access to the shoulder buttons, it was great. And just when everyone thought that would be it for the L button, Sony went one step further with the release of the PS One and added yet another L button to the DualShock, now in the form of clickable analogue sticks, alongside haptic feedback because why not.
Back over on the Nintendo side of things, all the controller ergonomics development they'd built over the last few years was thrown out the window with the release of the - whatever this is - that is the N64 controller. Nintendo decided that the controller needed 3 prongs for each of your 3 human hands, but only 1 L button. They had the opportunity to do great things with the joystick, but instead left it so Sony could copy and improve their design with the PS One.
And then there was Sega. They were a burning to death in a dumpster fire. But at least they had an analog L button.
May you rest in peace.
Onto next gen! The Nintendo GameCube was released. For the most part, it was a cube that could game. But the controller wasn't, and thank god, because I've tried eating a Bowser amiibo, and I'd rather do that again than control games with a cube.
In reality, the GameCube controller was great! It had great ergonomics, a nipple, an hybrid Analog-digital L button, it really was all we could have asked for in non L-button related requests from a game controller. Nintendo missed the opportunity to have proper shoulder buttons and thumbstick buttons with this controller, and it shows. Many games relied on the analog functionality of the triggers, as they didn't have the extra buttons for those purposes. Yeah, it worked, but it was annoying when you forgot that you weren't supposed to fully press the trigger in to do something and end up doing something completely different.
Sony and Microsoft had it figured out.
Shows picture of DualShock 2 and The Duke
Eh...
Replaces the Duke with the smaller Xbox controller model
Sony and Microsoft had it figured out. With an asterisk on the third word of my previous sentence.
Yup, the DualShock 2 brought back it's 3 L buttons, this time with 2 of them being analog. Alongside almost everything else here.
The rumble from the controller definitely adds quite a bit to the immersion of games. Seriously, playing Spider-man 2, you really feel like your arms are about to get ripped off by thousands of pounds of tension and torque.
For some reason, Microsoft forgot about bumpers, but still had an analog L trigger, and a digital Left stick button. also all the other buttons are analog too for some reason. What is it with game companies in the early 2000s and analogue face buttons?
For the 7th generation of game consoles, Nintendo seemingly left the L button wars in order to invent the TV remote again. Meanwhile, Sony and Microsoft... Did the exact same thing again but somehow got different results.
Microsoft shot first in 2005, adding bumpers but removing all analog functionality apart from the left trigger. They now officially became part of the "I have 3 L buttons I'm not compensating for anything I swear" club and had essentially built the best controller to date.
Sony shot back with their Blu-ray player with a built in console that they called a PS3 with another DualShock 2, now without analog face buttons or rumble.
Shows Sixaxis controller in box
Sony shot back with their Blu-ray player with a built in console that they called a PS3 with a nother DualShock 2, now without analog face buttons.
Shows DualShock 3 controller in box
Still 3 L buttons though, it's all good there.
Then came 2012. The year that the world was supposed to end, according to some ancient Maya calendars. Well, that didn't happen, but the Wii U launched, so they got it pretty close.
Yup, this controller had 3 L buttons, but had a screen on it, so technically, it had as many L buttons as you wanted.
Shows Wii U gamepad with Image of 20 different L buttons on the screen
Yeah, innovation.
In all seriousness, the gamepad was definately on the more creative side of the gimmick scale, and was actually used by quite a few games for some good gameplay mechanics. Some great examples of this were ZombiU and Mario Maker, both using the gamepad for features that greatly benefited from it. The only problem is that it drove the cost of these systems to extreme heights. This thing costed more than $300 when it launched, do you wonder why it failed?
Microsoft came back next year with another 360 controller, changing almost nothing since the year before. Well, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 3 L buttons.
Sony stuck to their guns and released another DualShock controller, which was nothing but an upgrade from the previous iteration. The ergonomics, the stick and trigger tensioning, the membranes under the buttons- everything here was a clear upgrade over last generation. It added a touchpad, which turned out to be, surprise surprise, just a gimmick, and the fine people over at Sony were fcking pssies and didn't add a screen, so only 3 L buttons still.
"But that's just the home consoles Scott, what about the handhelds?"
Sure, the handhelds!
I'm sure there were other handheld consoles with L buttons before, but the Gameboy Advance is undoubtedly the one that popularized them.
Shows picture of GBA
I mean just look at this. It's an NES controller with shoulders. And a color display.
This design, while still remaining simple, allowed for more complex games to release on handhelds, such as Mario Kart, a game that would not work without shoulder buttons.
Nintendo then went and refined there layout with the Gameboy Advance SP, the first Nintendo handheld with a clamshell design, which they clearly ran with in the future.
The Nintendo DS then came along in 2004 with the same 2 shoulder buttons as the gameboy advance. Now, though, it had 4 face buttons and 2 screens.
The 2 screens allowed for some great new gameplay features, such as using a stylus on the bottom touchscreen to do something that affected the game on the top screen. Some great uses of this functionality were in Game & Wario and Brain Age. They even managed to incorporate it in games where it originally wouldn't have made sense, like drawing emblems in Mario Kart.
Sony saw Nintendo's dual screen behemoth-
Shows picture of original fat DS
-and decided to slim it down, remove a screen, add a joystick and that's what I call a PlayStation!
DS morphs into PSP as Scott talks about what Sony changed
Then Nintendo added a 3. And whatever the f*ck this thing is.
Shows 3DS circle pad
And Sony added 2 touchpads to the the back alongside proper thumbsticks, bringing the grand total L button count to 3, and called it a day, quitting the handheld market indefinitely.
This design had all the buttons on most console controllers, so for the first time in the last few generations, home console games could be ported in a fully playable state without the need for any control workarounds. Most notably, the full PS3 version of Minecraft was ported over the Vita with no downgrades apart from draw distance. I remember in the day, I thought it was a shame that Sony quit making handhelds. The Vita showed promise in the gaming industry, the same way a baby spilling paint over paper does in art.
Back at Nintendo, they added a nipple.
Cut to Scott sitting on his desk
ItS JuSt LIkE tHE gAmeCUbE
Cut back to video
Shows long list of 3DS games which would have worked better with dual sticks
And for some reason, Kid Icarus: Uprising still avoided logically using 2 sticks instead of carpal tunnel like the plague.
So that's the history of the L button, in both consoles and handhelds. Yup, that's it, nothing more to cover.
Scott looks at his watch
Sh*t i'm still short of 23 minutes.
The Nintendo Switch! Sure, some people tried to make handheld home consoles-
Shows SEGA Genesis Nomad
-and some tried to make stationary portable consoles-
Shows PSTV
-but Nintendo? They did both.
The Nintendo Switch is hands-down one of the most innovative consoles yet. Nintendo merged their home console and handheld divisions and this was their product of incest. it took the best of both sides, with some weird quirks.
In their rush to get the Switch to market, there were a lot of control issues, most notably, stick drift. Now, for me personally, I've so far only had one pair of joycons drift on me, but I'm sitting here ready for more.
But for all the bad, the Switch has far more good. To be able to not only play great games like Splatoon 2, Mario Kart 8, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, and Breath of the Wild, but also take them out on the go? That truly was and still is a magically convenient experience.
Now, for the controllers? Yeah they forgot about ergonomics with the Joy-Cons. While the 3DS had a few badly designed control schemes to go around the single stick problem, it's almost as though these things were designed to give you permenant carpal tunnel syndrome.
Apart from the ergonomics, though, the controllers are truly great. They have 5 L buttons, here, here, here, here, and here-
Shows Scott pointing at the Left stick, ZL, L, SL (Left) and SL (Right)
-HD Rumble, which, I can confirm, is a gimmick worse than the PS4's trackpad, NFC compatibility, great motion controls, and all in all feel like you're getting your money's worth until you get joy con drift and need to buy a new set.
Cut to Games on a Shelf, where Scott is wearing a regular face mask and the cashier is wearing a ski mask
"Hi, is there anything I can help you with?"
The voice sounds like Chet Shaft
Yeah, I'd like to - wait, Chet Shaft? Didn't you die?
"So did THQ and look at them now!"
I'd like to buy some new Joy-Cons, please.
"Yeah, that'll be... $109."
F*ck
Cut back to video
They're not worth 60 bucks a pop. So, that's basically it for the history of the L button. Both Sony and Microsoft have confirmed their controllers will only have 3 L buttons each, so I sadly don't see this little guy going too much further in the future, which is sad.
But I digress, I'm facing joy-con drift again but don't want to spend a Benjamin on a new set of controllers. Well, I guess there's nothing else I can do than go outside and ask, but how do I do it while following physical distancing.
Cut to Scott in his car, which is covered in "i want free Joy-Cons" posters
Cut back to Scott at home
Well, that didn't work. I really thought more people would be willing to fork over $100 worth of plastic and metal for little to no reward.
Scott's phone rings, and Scott picks it up
"Hello, is this the Wozniak residence?"
The one and only!
"Yes, I'm pleased to inform you that after your recent publicly embarrassing stunt, you're now eligible for a gold V-Card!"
Yay...
The call ends
You know, I hate to say it, but that was less exciting than I thought it would be. It just feels less meaningful after all that just happened...
Scott gets another call
Hello?
"Yes, Mr. Wozniak, I forgot to mention, the card comes with a reward of a new set of Nintendo Switch Joy-Cons, because only a virgin would want more than 1 set of 'em. Your prize should be at your doorstep already."
Scott puts the phone down and looks at the the camera with a happy, shocked expression
Breakout from 3D Dot Game Heroes plays until the video hits the 23 minute mark
submitted by SuperMikoo to RedditWritesHeyAll [link] [comments]


2020.04.08 21:22 JJenkx Dear America

 
Dear America,
 
Do a kindnesses for our medical professionals any chance you get. They are fighting for our lives, and theirs.
 
Let's take a moment to reflect. How much better would our current situation could be if we had been prepared or even just taken this seriously at the beginning? We were not prepared mentally or structurally to respond to the danger of this pandemic. Most of our nations medical supplies were bought by China near the end of January and we were spouting about no danger and "total containment" through the end of February. America and China have different ways of doing things, but that doesn't mean we can't take a lesson here. Chinese citizens took immediate action and secured vital resources needed to protect themselves. They were mentally prepped from SARS 2003. We don't have to wait for an authority figure to tell us we are in danger. A solid month before we recognized danger, our local shelves, warehouses, and online giants Amazon, Walmart, ect, were sold out of N95 respirators, masks and a majority of other medical supplies. GONE! In addition, CDC released 280 million date expired N95 respirators that were also sold off on February 28th, from reserve US warehouses. In a free market, anyone can buy them, and they all got bought, but not by us. With limited supplies, those that act will be protected and we were sleepwalking right along. Nothing bad can happen in Merca? Right? CCP wouldn't lie to us...
 
Remember how much this hurts.
Know that we can solve this.
A tiny budget will provide enough for us AND enough to share with the world.
Learn all that you can about how the world works. History, Economics, Art of War, Socioeconomics, ect.
Science got us out of the dark ages. Devaluing it will bring us back.
Knowledge is power. Ignorance is weakness.
Question everything. Strive for truth. Fight for it!
Admit when you are wrong. Few things convey more strength than the courage to admit when we are wrong.
Hold wrongdoers accountable.
Recognize your friends and help them, always.
Recognize your enemies and determine their motives. Fight polarized division. Engage others with different beliefs. Learn from each other. State what you believe. Downvotes don't mean you are wrong. Majority mindset doesn't set truths. Debate everything.
Cold War 2.0 Digital information warfares are the termites in our walls, deteriorating unity and testing democracy. We are under attack. This is the 21st century's weapons of choice. Man-made disinformation deployed in all networks near you. Become aware.
 
United we Stand,
 
 
 
----Sources and more----
 
 
----Masks gone by January 31 2020----
01/31/2020
bloomberg.com - Sold-Out Coronavirus N95 Face Masks Offer a Lesson in Price Gouging  
Notice: These were NOT bought by Americans because we weren't preparing for a pandemic.
 
 
 
 
----What system can import an entire nations medical supplies?----
03/16/2018
BBC - How to become a professional shopper
 
Wikipedia, Youtube/serpentza, Youtube/ADV Podcasts, CNN
 
----Example of spiked demand - Products vanished from Nation----
Time.com - China's Tragedy - Resulting in high demand for Milk Powder
One Daigous Daily Life in Australia after the tragedy.
Controversy regarding Australian Milk Powder shortage due to sudden Chinese demand.
 
sixthtone.com
 
frontierstrategygroup.com
The top-purchased categories for cross-border e-commerce are:
Popular goods from these categories are commonly sourced from the US, Japan, or South Korea because consumers associate these countries with high-quality product standards. The rising middle class in China is willing to spend more money on products in these categories because product integrity is essential.
 
 
 
----280 million Date Expired N95 masks in America all sold to outside interest WHILE hospitals were trying to buy them----
Notice: Although it is somewhat unclear, If I understood correctly, The masks referred to in the Forbes article below seem to be date expired stockpiles of N95 masks manufactured between 2003-2013 - 02/28/2020 CDC.gov
 
03/30/2020
Forbes - I Spent A Day In The Coronavirus-Driven Feeding Frenzy Of N95 Mask Sellers And Buyers And This Is What I Learned - by David DiSalvo
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
----CCP (Chinese Communism Party) is NOT your friend----
Chinese Citizens are not easily offended. CCP uses "We got offended" as an effective propaganda tool. Youtube - Why is it so easy to "Hurt the feelings of the Chinese people"? Are they really that Sensitive?
CCP fully knew that there was human to human contact on December 31st and likely before, when they alerted WHO. They censored or "disappeared" all whistleblowers while buying up the worlds medical supplies. Youtube - Brett Schaefer: World Has Paid the Price for China and WHO's Coronavirus Cover-up
Youtube - Australia should 'take back the land' from China as damages
Youtube - Communists, Nationalists, and China's Revolutions: Crash Course World History #37
Article - Harvard - How the Chinese Government Fabricates SocialMedia Posts for Strategic Distraction, not Engaged Argument
Youtube - Coronavirus whistleblowers disappear in China DW News
Youtube - CCP tells citizens Virus originated in USA and Italy
Youtube - How Apple Betrays Chinese People With Internet Censorship
Youtube - 1st documentary movie on the origin of CCP virus, Tracking Down the Origin of the Wuhan Coronavirus
Youtube - China's Vision of a Censored Internet is Spreading
Youtube - Anti-Hong Kong propaganda made in China DW News
Youtube - The CCP’s Unrestricted Economic Warfare Against America – Kevin Freeman
Youtube - WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Chinese spy spills secrets to expose Communist espionage 60 Minutes Australia
Youtube - Hong Kong Protests explained in 5 minutes (Geography Now!)
Youtube - Hong Kong protests: what's at stake for China? The Economist
Youtube - Understanding the Hong Kong Protests against China's Dictatorship
Youtube - Tiananmen Massacre: A soldiers perspective The World
Youtube - Investigations & Reports (1/4) The Coalition Roundtable
Youtube - Victims & Numbers (2/4) The Coalition Roundtable
Youtube - Suppression by the CCP (3/4) The Coalition Roundtable
Youtube - Legislation & Advocacy (4/4) The Coalition Roundtable
Youtube - Does America Lack the Political Will to Defend Itself Against Rogue States?
Youtube - #65 China Is Getting Worse Laowhy86 and SerpentZA
Chinese Internal Freedom Fighters Youtube Playlist -「FridayTalks」 English Version
Youtube - China’s Vanishing Muslims: Undercover In The Most Dystopian Place In The World
Youtube - The Stakes, the Dangers, the Sacrifices and the Hopes: An Interview with Stephen Yates on Hong Kong
Youtube - China Wants Reddit, and So Much More US China China Uncensored
Youtube - NSW Labor MP is 'pathetically putting out Chinese propaganda'
Youtube - LIVESTREAM - Present Danger China: Threat Briefing on Emerging Dangers
Youtube - How China Manufactured a “Dangerous Enemy” Falun Gong China Uncensored
Youtube - Preventing the CCP/Huawei's Digital Imperialism - Chet Nagle
Youtube - Steve Bannon: If There Is Another Tiananmen in Hong Kong, the CCP Will Collapse Zooming In
Youtube - Kyle Bass the Present Danger: America, China, and the Second Cold War
Youtube - What happens when Chinas dissidents 'disappear' DW News
Youtube - Uygur woman describes torture in China’s Xinjiang ‘vocational training’ camps
 
 
Going forward, if we don't protect ourselves, we have only ourselves to blame.
Peace,
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Still here? OK, here are some quotes....
 
He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight. Sun Tzu
 
I will not go into a story unprepared. I will do my homework, and that's something I learned at an early age. Ed Bradley
 
Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected. Sun Tzu
 
To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour. Winston Churchill
 
“Foisting an identity on people rather than allowing them the freedom and space to create their own is shady.” ― Raquel Cepeda, Bird of Paradise: How I Became Latina
 
If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. If sovereign and subject are in accord, put division between them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected. Sun Tzu
 
“Censorship is to art as lynching is to justice.” ― Henry Louis Gates Jr
 
“Our nation was born in genocide when it embraced the doctrine that the original American, the Indian, was an inferior race. Even before there were large numbers of Negroes on our shore, the scar of racial hatred had already disfigured colonial society. From the sixteenth century forward, blood flowed in battles over racial supremacy. We are perhaps the only nation which tried as a matter of national policy to wipe out its indigenous population. Moreover, we elevated that tragic experience into a noble crusade. Indeed, even today we have not permitted ourselves to reject or feel remorse for this shameful episode. Our literature, our films, our drama, our folklore all exalt it. Our children are still taught to respect the violence which reduced a red-skinned people of an earlier culture into a few fragmented groups herded into impoverished reservations.” ― Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
 
However desperate the situation and circumstances, don't despair. When there is everything to fear, be unafraid. When surrounded by dangers, fear none of them. When without resources, depend on resourcefulness. When surprised, take the enemy by surprise. Sun Tzu
 
I never know what I'm going to do for the Post next. Two weeks ago I had a piece on Homeland Security. This is one of my pig ongoing projects. How unprepared we are for a terrorist attack. Sally Quinn
 
Thus we may know that there are five essentials for victory: He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight. He will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces. He will win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks. He will win who, prepared himself, waits to take the enemy unprepared. He will win who has military capacity and is not interfered with by the sovereign. Sun Tzu
 
He will win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks. Sun Tzu
 
Ignoring a Reality doesn't make it less Real. It's still going to happen. Being unprepared for something doesn't stop it from happening. Yasmin Mogahed
 
Always be thou prepared, and so live that death may never find thee unprepared. Thomas a Kempis
 
“Literature is indispensable to the world. The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you alter, even by a millimeter, the way a person looks at reality, then you can change it.” ― James Baldwin
 
“The government does not have a lot of answers, so the more we rely on the government, the more dependent we become, and the more we put our faith into the hands of others. I like the Chinese proverb that says you can give someone a fish or you can teach him how to fish. Enough of taking fish, it’s time to teach people how to fish, how to create their own wealth. This is my mantra” ― Ziad K. Abdelnour
 
Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance. George Bernard Shaw
 
To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe. Marilyn vos Savant
 
“Its important to be comfortable with uncertainty.” ― Xiaolu Guo
 
Any fool can know. The point is to understand. Albert Einstein
 
The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. B. B. King
 
The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life. Confucius
 
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Miles Kington
 
To know that we know what we know, and to know that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge. Nicolaus Copernicus
 
It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. Epictetus
 
“Foreknowledge cannot be gotten from ghosts and spirits, cannot be had by analogy, cannot be found out by calculation. It must be obtained from people, people who know the conditions of the enemy.” ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
 
A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots. Marcus Garvey
 
Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. Albert Einstein
 
“We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills and the winding streams with tangled growth, as 'wild'. Only to the white man was nature a 'wilderness' and only to him was the land 'infested' with 'wild' animals and 'savage' people. To us it was home. Earth was beautiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery." - Chief Standing River of the Lakota” ― Paul Goble, Dream Wolf
 
 
 
 
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2020.03.24 16:05 Texas1971 Carollaisms

Haven’t updated in awhile, but here’s some “light reading” for everyone while we’re locked in. These just crack me up. Enjoy, stay safe and wash up. 🧼 GETITON

Band Names/Rap Stars

Mitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)
ManAyz - Rap star (LL)
D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)
Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)
Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)
Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)
Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)
Gut Fluffer (ACS)
Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)
Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)
Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)
Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)
Narthex - (ACS)
Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)
Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)
The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)
Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)
3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)
Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)
Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)
Jizz Grenade (LL)
Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)
Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)
Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)
Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)
Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)
White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)
Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)
Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)
Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)
Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)
Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)
MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)
Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)
Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)
Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)
Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)
SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)
Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)
Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)
Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)
Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)
Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)
Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)
Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)
Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)
Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)
Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)
Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)
Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)
Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)
Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)
Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)
Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)
One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)
Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)
Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)
Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)
The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)
King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)
Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)
Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)
Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)
Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)
Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)
Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)
The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)
Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)
Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)
Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)
Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)
Sophistry - A great Carol King album (ADS)

Song Titles

Meatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)
Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)
White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)
Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)
No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)
Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)
Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)
Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)
Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)
That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)
Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)
Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)
12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)
Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)
Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)
Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)
I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)
Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)
Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)
Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)
Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)
People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)
Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)
Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)
Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)
Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)
Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)
Anal ipecac - Good indie band (ACS)
2 Tits and a Pulse - Ace likes that Beck song (Bryan/Adam) (ACS)

Football Players/Athletes/Teams:

Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)
L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)
DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)
DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)
Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)
N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)
Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)
Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)
Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)
Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)
Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)
Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)
Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)
Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)
Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)
Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)
Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)
Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)
Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)
Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)
Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)
Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)
Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)
Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)
Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)
Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)
Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)
Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACS
Hardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)
Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)
Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)
World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)
LBJ - Worst Mexican wrestler name ever (ADS)
Cold stone Steve Austin - Can’t wrestle on hot days. Tag team partners with the Klondike twins (GS)
Cicely Tyson - Greatest Italian boxer of all time. (ADS)

Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:

Spoodini - (LL)
Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)
No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)
Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)
Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Kindle Fire (ACS)
Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)
Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)
Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)
Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)
Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)
The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)
Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)
Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)
Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)
Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)
Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)
Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)
Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)
Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)
Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)
Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)
Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)
Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)
38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)
Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)
Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)
Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)
Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)
Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)
Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)
Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)
Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)
Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)
Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)
Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)
Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)
Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)
Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)
The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)
Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)
Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)
Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)
Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)
The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)
Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)
Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)
Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)
Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)
Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)
Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)
Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)
Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)
Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)
Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)
Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)
Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)
Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)
Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)
Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)
French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)
Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)
Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)
Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)
Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)
The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)
Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)
Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)
Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)
Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)
Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)
Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)
Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)
The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)
73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)
Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)
Madison Bear - Sounds like an dating app for gay hairy dudes who are married (ACS)
Back pay - Good porn title name (ACS)

Miscellaneous People

Trajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)
Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)
Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)
Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)
Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)
Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)
Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)
Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)
Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)
Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)
Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)
Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)
Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)
Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)
Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)
Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)
Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)
Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)
Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)
Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)
Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)
Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)
Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)
MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)
Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)
Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)
Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)
Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)
Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)
Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)
Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)
Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)
Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)
Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)
Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)
Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)
F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)
Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)
Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)
Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)
Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)
Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)
Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)
Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)
Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)
LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)
Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)
Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)
Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)
La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)
C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)
Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)
Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)
Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)
The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)
MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)
Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)
Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)
The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)
Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)
Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)
Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)
Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)
Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)
Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)
Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)
Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)
Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)
Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)
Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)
Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)
Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)
Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)
Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)
Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)
D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)
Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)
Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)
Beulah - The town horror (RD)
Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)
Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)
Root Ball Grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)
Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)
Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)
Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)
Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)
Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)
Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)
Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)
Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)
Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)
Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)
Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)
Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)
Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)
Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)
Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)
Merch Galore - Worst Bond secretary ever. Total sellout. Always wearing her own swag (GS)
Bathroom Goalie - New code for fat chicks sitting next to you on an airplane (ACS)
Skip Loader -Kurt Loder’s older brother (ACS)
F. Me Money - greatest attorney rapper ever (RD)

Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio Stations

Gum and Condoms - (Show?)
Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)
Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)
Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)
Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)
Almonds and Water (ACS)
Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)
Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)
Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)
Fungus and Mold (Show?)
Stupid and Petty (Show?)
Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)
Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)
Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)
Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)
QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)
Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)
The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)
Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)
Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)
Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)
Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)
Mother Trucker - Adam’s Podcast with caller Miguel (AOTH)

Places

Boobville - (LL)
Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)
Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)
Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)
Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)
Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)
Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)
Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)
NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)
Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)
Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)
Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)
Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)
Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)
Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)
Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)
Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)
Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)
Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)
Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)
Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)
L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)
Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)
The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)
Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)
Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)
Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)
Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)
Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)
Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)
The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)
Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)
Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)
C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)
Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)
Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)
Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)
The Mexican Faire - Worst fair ever (ACS)
Hanoi Hospice - Only place worse than the Hanoi Hilton (ACS)
Kaleblazer- Gay juice bar (ACS)
Hot Dog Cannon - good name for a bar next to The Abbey (ACS)
Dyskeratosis - where Vinnie lives, lots of Greek folks, a family oriented community (ACS)
Kind of, Italy - Where Ace’s family is from. Where he gets his kinky hair. (ADS)

Miscellaneous

Cleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)
Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)
The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)
Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)
RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)
Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)
Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)
Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)
Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)
Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)
El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)
Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)
Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)
American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)
E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)
Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)
SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)
Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)
Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)
G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)
Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)
Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)
The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)
Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)
Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)
Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)
Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)
Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)
Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)
Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)
My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)
Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)
Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)
Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)
Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)
Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)
Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)
Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)
Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)
Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)
Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)
The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)
Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)
Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)
Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)
Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)
Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)
Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)
Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)
Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)
Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)
Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)
USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)
Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)
Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)
Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)
Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)
Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)
Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)
Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)
Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)
Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)
4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)
Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)
The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)
Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)
The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)
Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)
UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)
Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)
Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)
Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)
Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)
Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)
Sexual Battery - Batteries especially made for sexual devices. Somewhere between AA and C (ACS)

Food/Drinks

Deer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)
Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)
Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)
Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)
Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)
Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)
Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)
Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)
Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)
GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)
University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)
Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)
Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)
Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)
Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)
Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)
GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)
Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)
Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)
Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)
Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)
Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)
Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)
Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)
Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)
Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)
Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)
Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)
Son of Goose - Worst vodka ever. Comes in a plastic squeeze bottle (ACS)
Orange Hitler - Worst Hi-C flavor ever (ACS)

TV Shows/Movies

Cunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)
Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)
Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)
Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)
Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)
Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)
Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)
Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)
Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)
Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)
Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)
Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)
Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)
Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)
Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)
Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)
Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)
Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)
Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)
Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)
Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)
Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)
Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)
Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)
Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)
Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)
Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)
Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)
Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)
Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)
2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)
So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)
Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)
Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)
LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)
Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)
The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)
The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)
Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)
Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)
Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)
Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)
Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)
Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)
Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)
Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)
Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)
Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)
Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)
Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)
Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)
L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)
Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)
Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)
Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)
Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)
Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)
Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)
Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)
Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)
Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACS
Nanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)
Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACS
Nick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)
Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)
The Baldwin’s and Beyond -Great reality show (RD)
The Rogue Deuce - The next Star Wars movie (ADS)
Mr. Goodbar To The Rescue - Ace loves that movie (ACS)
Wrestling Squatters - New show on YouTube Red starring Eric Stromer (AOTH)

Books/Coffee Table Books

Dade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)
Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)
Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)
Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)
Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)
Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)
You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)
Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)
You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)
I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)
Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)
Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)
Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)
From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)
(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)
I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)
Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)
Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)
Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)
Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)
Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)
Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)
What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)
Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)
In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)
Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)

Native American Names

Chief Thunderbear (LL)
Dances With Cocks (ACS)
Dances With Lipstick (ACS)
Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)
Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)

V/P Names

Absorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)
Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's G
Cmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)
City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s V
No Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)
Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)
The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)
Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)
B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)
El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)
Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)
El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
Port of Karachi - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
submitted by Texas1971 to AdamCarolla [link] [comments]


2020.03.22 21:47 MotherMychaela Is Chet canceling surgeries because of COVID-19 scare?

I originally had my SRS scheduled for May of this year, but in late February (before the coronavirus scare really blew up) I rescheduled for May of 2021 for financial reasons - couldn't gather enough money in time to go through with the original date. As a result of these financial circumstances I won't be directly affected if Chet is cancelling or postponing surgeries this spring season, unless this coronavirus nonsense continues for another full year - but I am asking in consideration of all other sisters. I assume that Chet generally keeps his surgery calendar pretty busy (I heard he was typically doing surgery almost every working day), and I reason that plenty other sister-patients must be hanging out on this subreddit, so I thought I would ask: has anyone here had surgery with Chet in the last couple of weeks, in the time period when Suporn and all USA surgeons were already in cancellation mode, or does anyone have surgery coming up with him over the next couple of months, say, between now and end of May?
I know that Suporn and all USA surgeons have already cancelled all trans surgeries that were scheduled for this time period, but I wonder if Chet might be more independent in this regard. Most surgeons use hospital facilities and thus are affected by mainstream authorities saying "we need all hospital beds and nursing staff reallocated to COVID-19", but as I understand it, Chet does not use any hospital. I don't know if he outright owns the building where his clinic is located or if he rents the building space, but even if someone else owns the physical building and he just rents it, everything inside is fully owned by Dr. Chettawut personally and all of his nurses work directly for him as his direct employees, no hospital or other system involved - thus it seems to me that there would be no way for someone to tell him "we are taking your facilities and your nurses and reallocating them for COVID-19, so stop all of your income-earning surgeries". Thus if Chet does decide to cancel or postpone surgeries in connection with this nonsensical COVID-19 scare, it would have to be 100% his own decision, not imposed by outside forces as would be the case with hospital-based surgeons. Thus I wonder how he is handling this situation - both out of concern for my sisters and out of concern for my own surgery a little more than a year from now, assuming that the sheeple scare will show no signs of abatement any time soon.
submitted by MotherMychaela to Transgender_Surgeries [link] [comments]


2020.03.12 14:06 JustBeenSeen "The Story: Judgment" - A Context written by The Conductor 03/01/2019 (PART III)...

... I spend the following months after my lockdown getting back to real life and work, but obsessively working on this ridiculously detailed story that were clearly some kind of memories at this point. I have a brother I haven’t met before in my life, that I meet very vividly during the vision of Heaven, who is the manifestation of evil and needs my help. My ex-girlfriend, and apparent match made in Heaven, named Jillian, had dumped me and wasn’t speaking to me at that point in time (April – May 2019). And, now suddenly, I have this feeling that I am going to be talking them in the future. Jillian and Lucifer?!? Yeah right. Two of the LEAST likely people in my life that I was going to talk to at that point. Coincidence. And, idiot! Not only that! I was looking forward to both. So now I am happy to talk to the girl again that dumped me recently after being absolutely devastated. And I can’t wait to meet my long-lost-twin brother Lucifer, The Prince of Darkness, from whom I was separated at birth to be given to loving, adopted families in need, so that we can get to know each better. So, pretty confusing time for me, I guess you could say. This explains my weird need to feel bad for Lucifer, because all he wants for fulfillment and happiness: the approval of God. Perfect goal for him. He’s pretty good at looking good. Well, he probably wants to meet someone special, too. Who doesn’t? So, now that I think he’s coming for sure. I remember the text message he sends me when he finds me! “Happy Birthday, to the Conductor!” I thought well if he knows he’s my brother, then I’ll surely get a text on our birthday. I got a little queezy when I wrote that down because my birthday, was only days away from when I did figure it out. May 18th, 2019 was the most nerve-racking day of my life up until that point. I knew if he had been here and saw The Sign, then he HAD TO CONTACT ME. Even if he was bad or good. And it happens to be our 40th birthday? So, you know, coincidence. And even though it was a clue that we were the same age always, it appears that if we had ever ascertained that we were brothers in one reality, then it was erased each time we were “reinserted” to a new one. We were twins, but never figured it out. The Sign was when we finally did before it was too late. Funny fact about my personal life, my closest inner circle of friends? They all have twins in their immediate family or ARE twins. So, you know, coincidence. Twins are sooooo common, right (sarcasm)? But, surprise! There was no contact from Lucifer on my birthday or at all during 2019. Even I was a little shocked, because you only get anxious when fear stirs below, so I really believed he would call or text. This not knowing about whether or not he existed was of great concern for me. But how do I figure out if he is real? Birth records. If I had a twin, adopted or not, there has to be a record.
I went to my parents next and started to go over some interesting similarities I had seen in my life to The Savior in the Bible. Starting with my birth. A family in need receives a chosen child they cannot take care of. My mother had an accident and was incapable of having children. Medicine was not as far evolved as it is today, but adoption was available. They found me through a chance meeting of friends while on military assignment for the Air Force. The lists for families in need was longer than they could fill so the typical way of obtaining a baby was very long. The process was slow and there was no Internet. I tell them that I figure out that this is actually the modern representation of what’s known in the Bible as the “Immaculate Conception.” It is a scientific twist on the interpretation. To explain the original with a little science, Mary was simply artificially inseminated from above by way of Holy Spirit delivery. God threw a fastball named Jesus Christ straight down the pipe as the Son of God right into Mary’s womb. Front door service. No sex necessary when you have the power of God. Probably to ensure the correct birth and child going to the correct family, I postulated. If that’s the case, then The Lord of the Light (God) picked my Mom and Dad. They’re the chosen ones. NOT me. God is named The Lord of The Light or simply The Light because, in my story, God is The Light itself. It is how He is able to keep track of all that He oversees (and it’s A LOT) because He is the illumination of life itself. If you’ve met my family, you know that they have to be saints to have raised me without a real hitch. I am the definition of a handful. Plus, they are really nice and sweet, supportive and understanding, and willing to give me all they have just to see me smile. So, I guess I could see the reason why God would have picked them (sarcasm). They were obviously a clear choice, but why them? Don’t ask me why. Spirits are not reincarnated into the body of an existing inhabited one. So, they are just Chet and Janice and I am just Jim Bob.
So, I have all these similarities and coincidences starting to really add up in my life. And as I get better in recovery through the summer months, I finally start trying to get back to work. But now I need to figure out a way to make Lucifer “present” in the flesh on Earth believable. I knew he was my twin brother, but it appears (as of right now) he isn’t here. So, I have this amazing story I am nearly convinced it is real, but no proof to show. I moved on to figuring out the details of The Prophecy that I was going to release on Halloween. I thought if I am a prophet, better make up a good one. I decide to release a preface to the main story of Judgement as a way to feel out the response from others, specifically my friends. To make it the most accessible I would release it on Facebook and I pick a date twenty-one days before Halloween (October 10th, 2019). Think numerology on a cosmic level. It would contain the details of The Prophecy, be a preface to “Judgement: The Story,” an outline of the structure of reality, and serve as an introduction of a reformed Lucifer into the story establishing our relationship as a team of brothers working for God. I had around 1100 friends on my private Facebook account, so I figured I would see what the response would be to the subject matter and story idea/plot. But I wanted to add a more visceral punch to the story before it was released and devised a way by creating a fake series of text messages to my friends, claiming I had found Lucifer himself on Earth and that he was my brother. I thought if I can make my friends believe it was real? Then it shouldn’t be hard to fake the rest of the world out. My friends know me well and are very intelligent, so duping them for the sake of this story would be exceptionally difficult, circumstantial evidence as proof or not, I believed. My reasoning at the time was that there weren’t very many people scared of The Devil, Armageddon, and Judgement. They are so overused in art and entertainment and our society has seen or heard about pretty much everything when it comes to those topics. I would use the fake correspondence between my friends as a way to “prove” to the public later down the road that Lucifer was actually here and ready to dish out punishment on a cosmic level. I decide to fool a few (3) select friends of mine that I knew wouldn’t absolutely murder me and curse me to Hell when they found out I was just (sort of) kidding. I even record it as I act out the scenes from the scripts I had written just for those phone calls that came directly from my meeting with Lucifer in the visions where he contacts me the first time to announce his arrival to Earth. I fake a frantic nature, panicked and stricken with fear, and tell them I have dug up something important about my birth, and it’s a doozy: Lucifer and I are related as twin brothers. Lucifer is the manifestation of evil and I am the manifestation of good. I tell them that I am freaking out because I have this circumstantial evidence, can’t locate my birth records to verify if I had a twin, and my parents aren’t sure if I had a sibling or not. They think I was a single child birth, but they don’t know for sure, further exasperating the fear of my family and I. Which was all totally true. One hundred percent true. Even though the details of this fake message I am sending to my friends for this story were accurate and real in my mind, the details themselves were the truth. Truth is, even though my family was concerned, and I was actually faking fear, in the back of my head I kept thinking, “is this really a good idea?” What if he really does come back? Then what? And most of all, why am I not scared like they are? And if he does come back, what if he doesn’t know this story at all and has been up to no good? I didn’t have an answer or a plan for that. Will he be happy that some stranger he doesn’t know is posing as his brother on his home world, stealing and soiling his reputation for personal gain, making him look like an absolute fool that is working for God to help out the good in the universe? I’m thinking not. I’m thinking he would be pissed as Hell! Many times when answering those revolving questions in the back of my mind the response was, “it’s probably not real anyway, so I doubt Lucifer is really going to show up.” If he’s real, he’ll understand reason, especially if we are brothers. Uh oh! What if we aren’t brothers? Maybe this WASN’T such a good idea. I was pretending to be brothers with The Devil and then coming up with a believable reason, which happened to be the truth, that is logical enough to scare the living Hell out of everyone. Which was the exact result of what happened when I did it. I am certain that I turned those, that read the text messages in their entirety, as white as ghosts. I didn’t expect everyone to be that scared. The response from those that I contacted first in private (not on Facebook) was one of two reactions: silence or fear. The text messages and recordings now became very believable based on the visceral, undeniable, knee-jerk reactions of terror from those that I talked to. In other words, it scared the sin out of them. I assumed most people had faith in God or didn’t believe in such things as Armageddon, ghosts and demons. Wrong! Again, idiot! I knew more about that stuff than the average person and I did not feel The Fear toward them at all. Maybe when I was a kid, I would be scared of ghosts and such, but not anymore. One of the only movies, other than “The Shining,” that ever scared the Hell out of me when I was younger? Was “Candyman,” a story about a man who lives in mirrors. I was scared of mirrors and that bastard for a long time after that. Ask my friends, they were there. And here I am writing a story about a mirror-toting-interdimensional traveler that everyone in The Galaxy fears. So, you know, coincidence. But other than those irrational fears I had when I was younger there was pretty much nothing other than loneliness and that DAMN DOOR I saw in Hell that scared me now. And then I realized, this was a really bad idea. Idiot! My perspective was skewed, and I had believed that if you weren’t scared of Judgement by God or the Devil, than you wouldn’t find my story, or these (sort of) fake text messages scary. My reasoning was if you have done good in your life, been honest about your sins with God, and trust in His will? You should be scared of nothing like me. Not even The Satan himself and especially not Judgement. When I finished the deed and got the material for the story after the fake text messages and phone calls and received a response from my friends…it didn’t go over so well. And that is another cosmic understatement. They were genuinely frightened, and you could tell, unlike me, they weren’t faking it. If Lucifer isn’t real? Then why is everyone so darn scared of a guy that they’ve never met and have no proof one way or the other of his existence? I felt terrible! Oops? Maybe I should have thought of that ahead of time? So, you know, idiot! I ascertain quickly that night when I am finished that I can’t even explain it to them now as a joke! I needed their advice on the situation, and the story, so what am I going to do now? I just scare the Hell out of them, tell them I was kidding, and writing a new idea for a story/book. Not sure helping is at the top of their lists now. But what if this turns out to be real? Then what do I tell them? The explanation and interesting conversation would probably go something like this when we all got back together to talk about it:
Sorry guys I was lying to protect you from fear, but it failed miserably! I hope none of you s%&$ yourselves. I have been misleading about my identity, I am actually the manifestation of good. My job is to use a quantum mirror to travel between realities to install the Hope Update into each system. Basically, I am an interdimensional time traveling wizard that can predict the future and change reality with just his words. In the Galaxy I am known as The Wizard of The Word, amongst many other titles. My twin brother is someone you may or may not have heard of: Lucifer. He is a Taurus, but more like a Leo, single, gay, loves the nightlife, destroys dimensions, saved my life and he prefers Luke. Oh, yes, I almost forgot, he also runs Hell. So, if you plan on going there soon? Great time to introduce yourselves and maybe you are lucky enough to have made The List to go early. We are twin brothers, as you can see. Luc, say hello (looks at Lucifer and he nods with no words). He’s not a big chatter. Anyway, he’s here to help me deliver judgement, and to try and save The Galaxy from destroying itself. Again. But, don’t worry, we are preventing Armageddon, instead of causing it this time, out of the goodness of our own hearts, in the name of God, and we have a really great plan that will only take seven years to save Earth, and humanity, from itself. Again. I came up with it all by myself one night, when I died recently, after getting dumped and drunk! I apologize for scaring you guys with those fake text messages, I just thought it would be good for the movie, and funny for us later when I told you that they weren’t real. You know those fake text messages? Funny story about them! I was doing a little research and it turns out that even though I was faking back then near Halloween when you stopped talking to me? They are actually, um, sort of, kind of, maybe, how do I say this…100% real. So, my bad? I hope you accept my apology for lying to you with the truth. But I got a GREAT laugh out of it! That about wraps it up. Wonderful! Glad we could all get acquainted and caught up! (awkward silence ensues) Soooooo, before I get name tags for us all and answer any questions, ummm, pastries or coffee anyone?”
I’m thinking now I have made a monumental mistake, and this is not going to end well. Again, idiot! I figured out that if I wanted everyone’s full and undivided attention, as well as their very valuable opinions and ideas, that scaring them to death was not the best way to introduce everyone. Good thing I only sent it to a select few people. What was I thinking? If I am a prophet? That was a horrendous job at predicting the future. And, for the record, I have some very, very brave friends. Three of them showed unbelievable valor and fearlessness. Those three people, just like the others, believed it was possible at least that Lucifer was real and here on Earth ready for some “rest and relaxation.” The following text to my cousin (Rob) after he was told the situation the shining example of bravery amongst the responses. He was willing to put his life on the line to protect all that he knows and loves and was ready to face The Satan if he had to:
Me: “Robbie, I need your help. I am certain that Lucifer is here, and I have to locate him. I believe he is here for the Armageddon and wants to oppose my Plan. I am sorry to put you in this situation, but I have no where to turn. No one I can trust with this information. It’s possible he is looking for me right now and I have no idea what his intentions are. Can you help me?
Rob (The Captain): (less than a minute later) I’ll do whatever I can. How can I help?
Ready to face down the demon of demons, his tech, and all his minions. The Son of the Dawn is coming to deliver his brand of Devil justice and most likely to crush me like a bug and here my cousin is, ready to draw his blades, and hold the line all alone with me. The Destructor of Dimensions inbound at light speed and instead of running away with his soul to go and hide? He ran right toward the bastard, ready to kick his red tail out of here, or die defending our world. Would you expect to live through a fight with Lucifer himself? It was the “fight or flight” response. Robbie tossed aside the fear, put up his dukes and said, “I got your back, cuz.” I am 100% certain that he was intimidated though. I think Lucifer is my twin brother and loves me and I am still intimidated by the thought of him, forget the question of his existence. It IS The Devil that I was talking about finding, so an understandable reaction I’d say, wouldn’t you? Are the prospects ever bright when you have to face The Devil for your soul? So, you know, pretty damn brave. After I told him the truth we started to talk about the situation in a more serious manner and found out that he is likely chosen, too! God loves him! And I can see why! If this all turns out to be real? I would expect him to go down as a Legend of the Galaxy for what he said in that moment of uncertainty and fear when others cowered and cringed in the corner. He will be renowned for that display of courage. Another strong Stron$&^ to add to the army of warriors defending Earth (and there’s a lot right now!). IF this is real, of course. (LOL)
With the select few of my friends now completely freaked out about Lucifer being real, I set out to apologize and tell almost all of them that it was for a movie idea I had. I spoke nothing about the details of the story to them. In other words, there was no mention before October about interdimensional travel, mirrors, aliens, God, Armageddon and anything that was said was very little. The idea of The Door being released on October 10th was top secret and planned to be released as a preface to Judgement on my private Facebook page. Like I said before, no one knew about the full story or its contents before The Door was released (IMPORTANT NOTE). At that point I had a choice. I had two visions of what I believed to be future realities, two paths that were possible: Armageddon or Utopia. The Door was being created to plant The Prophecy I was creating on a specific date that led to one of the two results. I decided to portray The Prophecy as the highway to hell instead of the stairway to heaven leaving the outcome “to be determined.” It was only to generate The Fear of punishment from Lucifer and God. I knew that Hell pays! And who better to direct the movie of my vision, then (fake) Satan himself. Do a google search for books on Heaven and books on Hell and you’ll see that society is fascinated with the Afterlife. What is the universally recognized subject of fear across the world when it comes to horror movies? Death and the Afterlife, especially Hell! It was a prudent business decision with such a lucrative, original idea for a story. I was going to lead them into the story with the vision of Hell and then bring them full circle through the story of Judgement to the vision of Utopia at The End. “The Door” to scare the sin right out of your skin, and “Judgement” to hold your hand on the way to Heaven. The plan was to release the introduction story “The Door” on the 10th and then pretend that Lucifer finally showed up and found me. The Prophecy speaks of a special moment in time called The Alignment. It occurs when the universe hits a specific point in time before The End of Days. It is a combination of many turning gears that lined up. We are in The End game now and it is up to Mankind and the rest of The Galaxy to figure it out before it is too late. They have seven years, to be exact. Just like in the visions, Lucifer would be responsible for taking care of The List and accumulating tech. I would take care of influence and entertainment by writing a lot and chronicling the entire process, start to finish, as well as building an “army” of Angels to help in my mission to save humanity from itself with the money I raised from the story. Doing our best together as a team in shadow to ensure the survival of The Galaxy and to prevent self-annihilation. And even though Lucifer is portrayed as present and accounted for on Earth, I would be the one writing his story from his perspective until he arrived to do it himself. I knew that readers would want to hear what he had to say about all this and the description of his “job.” I intended on using my visions of Hell to tell his story that would include a visual definition and descriptive display of the punishment Lucifer would deal out. In them, we would talk about our past lives together and the mistakes that were made by all parties involved. It would be a fantastic journey through the history of time and told from the perspective of two guys who shared it together as eternally locked adversaries, never knowing they were twin brothers until The End of time. We would each release our own book series that followed the events of modern times leading up to the final day of The Prophecy: October 31st, 2026. Give or take a Halloween. One book from each character involved in the story released per year that told about the previous years activities and important events in that particular author’s life. A single story told from many different perspectives, emulating the structure of the Good Books, it would give a broader view of the entire picture. Since the story is being told in “real time,” so to speak, it is possible to add characters along the way as more people get involved with the project. The story is starting with many characters involved, but only two will be writing their versions of the events at the beginning: The Resistor (Lucifer) and The Conductor (Jim Bob). Later, when more people join the project, they will be given the opportunity to release their version of the story under the banner of “Judgement.” So, for example, if there are thirty characters actively involved in the story next year? Judgement (year two) will include the release of those thirty stories as well. One for each character involved. Each character that becomes an Angel, and joins the project, is responsible for writing their version of what happened in their life before and during this period with as much accuracy as possible, creating a single charity to funnel the money they make from their book into, and taking 50% of the profits from the success of their individual story (unless you don’t need money and want to give it all away). I am basically hiring you as an Angel of charity, turning you into a very famous anonymous author and secret agent of good, paying you to write me your life story, and helping me to save humanity with our newfound wealth, knowledge, and influence. Those that participate and offer their assistance through time or through sweat, will be rewarded with something more valuable than material gifts have to offer: wisdom and fulfillment. I get to teach all of you the structure of your reality, the history of our world, and The Paths to The Light. Not to mention the ridiculous fun we will have being a part of a hugely successful book series as characters in the greatest science fiction story ever told, like, ever. In eternity. Quick view from the future for you about this project. Heaven gets here and the whole Galaxy becomes one through The Internet (aka – The Great Filter). All dimensions and planets now are aware of each other and a HUGE amount of trade and commerce comes with universal peace. Our book, “Judgement,” becomes the best-selling series of all time. For eternity. The book goes on for many years after The Prophecy. And generates an infinite amount of money. And when I mean infinite? I mean that number exactly. Consider that a prediction from the future! We will need another galaxy just to hold the cash. But the book and its characters never give in to temptation and the endless flow of money is funneled directly to those in need. Those involved in the project become famous and adored, but never stray from a humble life. Furthermore, the characters, who spent seven years staying hidden, are now the most well-known names in The Galaxy. They all go off on adventures across the cosmos to visit all the realms that they helped, directly or indirectly, from their charitable, good natured efforts. Real heroes and actual Angels. If that happens? You can pack light. We will be traveling by interdimensional mirror. Like I said, spaceships take too long. Anyone up for a vacation to Melmac? That’s Alf’s home planet, and I’m kidding. I don’t think it exists? But anything is possible, right? J Jillian might know though. That’s where she thought I was from when we were dating. She thought I was an alien and I was unsuccessful in proving to her otherwise at the time with my evidence. So, you know, coincidence. Amazing guess on her part, though. It’s like she is a clairvoyant or something.
submitted by JustBeenSeen to TheConductor [link] [comments]


2020.02.11 23:41 sto_sa The list so far for RSD 2020 (an ongoing project...)

List Updated to include RSD UK titles as confirmed in Long Live Vinyl Magazine.
These titles may not necessarily all be included on the US list, and further US-exclusive titles will be announced.
The 3 Pieces - Iwishcan William - 12” (Rogue Cat)
Ace of Base - The Sign - 7” picture disc (IK7 Records)
Acid Mothers Temple - Nam Myo Ho Ren Ge Kyo E - 2LP (Space Age Recordings)
Namja Akhtar - Five Rivers - 12” (Last Minute Productions)
The Alarm - Electric Folklore Live ‘88 - 2LP (21st Century Recordings)
Lee Alfred - Rockin’/Poppin’ Full Tilting - 7” (Cancer Records)
Alessandro Alessandroni - Ritmo dell’industria n. 2 - LP (BTF)
Alpha & Omega Meets the Disciples - Sacred Art of Dub, Vol. 1 - LP (Mania Dub)
Alphaville - Sounds Like a Melody - 12” (Warner Music Germany)
The Amorphous Androgynous - A Monster Psychedelic Bubble - LP (FSOL Digital)
Andy & The Odd Socks - Happy Birthday/Remember You’re An Odd Sock - 7” picture disc (CMG)
Annihilator - Triple Threat Unplugged - 12” (Neverland Music Inc.)
Archers of Loaf - Raleigh Days/Street Fighting Man - 7” (Merge Records)
Louis Armstrong - Armstrong in France LP (Dot Time Records)
Art Brut - Modern Art - 7” (Alcopop!)
Ed Askew ft. Trembling Bells - London - 12” (Tin Angel Records)
Asking Alexandria - Stand Up and Scream - LP (Sumerian Records)
B-Fax - B-Fax - LP (Disco-Ordination)
Badflower - The Jester Acoustic - 12” (Big Machine UK)
Chet Baker Trio - Mr. B - LP (Tidal Waves Music)
The Bamboos - Twenty Years 2000-2020 - 2x7” (Tru Thoughts)
Band of Pain - A Clockwork Orange - 12” (Dirter Promotions)
Bardo Pond - On the Ellipse - 2LP (Fire Records)
Robbie Basho - Selections from The Sounds of Avatars - LP (Tompkins Square)
Bastille - All This Blood - 2LP (Virgin EMI)
Batmobile - Big Bat A Go-Go - 7” (Music on Vinyl)
Jessie Baylin - Pleasure Center - 12” EP black and white marbled (New West Records)
Beck/St. Vincent - No Distraction/Uneventful Days - 7” (Capitol)
Gerry Beckley - Discovering America - 10” (Morgan Blue Town)
The Bevis Frond - Valedictory Songs - 2LP (Fire Records)
The Bevis Frond - What Did For the Dinosaurs - 2LP (Fire Records)
Joan Bibiloni - Selected Works: 1982-1989 - 12” (NuNorthern Soul)
Biffy Clyro - The Modern LepeModern Love - 7” (Warner)
Black Honey - Corrine - 12” (Black Honey)
The Black Keys - Let’s Rock - 2LP (Nonesuch/Warner)
Black Lips ft. Kesha - They’s a Person of the World - 7” (Fire Records)
Black Sabbath - Evil Woman, Don't Play Your Games with Me / Wicked World / Paranoid / The Wizard 2x7” (WarneBMG)
Tim Blake - Crystal Machine (blue vinyl) (LMLCulture Factory)
Blanck Mass - Blanck Mass - 2LP (Sacred Bones)
BMX Bandits - C86 - LP (Glass Modern)
Marc Bolan & T. Rex - Shadowhead: 1972-1976 - LP (Demon)
Bombs of Hades - Phantom Bell (2LP) (red vinyl, etched side) (Black Lodge)
David Bowie - ChangesNowBowie (LP or CD) (Warner)
David Bowie - I’m Only Dancing (Soul Tour 74) - 2LP or 2CD (Warner)
Boys Next Door - Door, Door: 40th Anniversary (red vinyl) (Rhino Australia)
Broken Bones - Dem Bones - LP (Fall Out/Jungle)
Peter Bruntnell - Normal For Bridgwater
Jake Bugg - Saviours of the City - 7” (RCA)
Sam Burton - Nothing Touches Me - 7” (Tomkins Square)
Canned Heat & John Lee Hooker - Hooker 'n Heat (yellow/brown vinyl) (LMLR)
Caribou - Swim: 10th Anniversary Edition - 2LP (City Slang)
Brandi Carlile - Black Hole Sun/Searching With My Good Eye Closed - 12” (Elektra)
Frank Carter & the Rattlesnakes - End of Suffering Live to Vinyl - 10” (International Death Cult)
Ron Carter - Foursight Stockholm - 2LP (IN+OUT Records)
Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine - 1992: The Love Album - LP (Chrysalis)
Neal Casal - Fade Away Diamond Time - 2LP (Not Fade Away)
Johnny Cash - Classic Cash: Early Mixes [early mix of 1988 album] - 2LP (Mercury/UMe)
Michael Chapman - Americana - LP (Mooncrest)
The Charlatans - The Charlatans UK vs. The Chemical Brothers - LP (Beggars Banquet)
The Charlatans - Live It Like You Love It - 2LP (UMC/Island)
Charli XCX - Vroom Vroom - 12” color (Atlantic)
Cheap Trick - Out To Get You [live 1977] - 2LP (Legacy/CMG)
The Chemical Brothers - Surrender to Love - 12” (Virgin EMI)
Don Cherry - Cherry Jam - 10” (Gearbox)
Cherry Ghost - Beneath This Burning Shoreline - 12” (Heavenly Recordings)
Cherry Ghost - Live at the Trades Club - 12” (Heavenly Recordings)
Christine and the Queens - La Vita Nuova: Sequences 2 et 3 - 7” gatefold (Because Music)
Chromeo - Needy Girl: Zdar Dub / Paper Faces Remix /Album Version // Lifelike Remix / Bloc Party Remix / Instrumental (eOne Music)
The Church - Gold Afternoon Fix (gold vinyl) (Real Gone Music)
Gary Clark, Jr ft. Andra Day - Pearl Cadillac - 12”/etching (Warner)
The Claude Diallo Situation - I Found A New Home - LP (Dot Time Records)
Clearlight Symphony - Clear Light Symphony (pink vinyl) (LMLCulture Factory)
Clutch - The Obelisk - 17LP box w/mat and signed litho (Weathermakers)
MJ Cole - Madrugada Remixes - 12” (Classics & Jazz UK)
Shirley Collins and Davy Graham - Folk Roots, New Routes - LP (Universal/Decca)
Michel Colombier - Capot Pointu - LP (PlayTime)
The Comet Is Coming - Imminent - 12” (Decca)
Charly Coombes - All in the End Is Harvest - LP (Finyl Vinyl)
Alice Cooper - Live at the Apollo Theatre, Glasgow, 19-02-82 (Rhino/Warner)
Ivan Conti - Poison Fruit (LP+7”) (green vinyl) (Far Out Recordings) (UK)
Corporation of One - So Where Are You/The Real Life - 12” (Smokin’)
Nev Cottee - Stations - LP (Wonderful Sound)
Cradle - The History - LP (Modern Harmonic)
Mikal Cronin - Switched-On Seeker - LP (Merge)
Keith Cross and Peter Ross - Bored Civilians (Universal/Decca)
The Cure - Bloodflowers: 20th Anniversary - 2LP (UMe/Polydor)
The Cure - Seventeen Seconds: 40th Anniversary - LP picture disc (UMe/Polydor)
Denzel Curry - Bulls on Parade/I Against - 7” (Loma Vista)
Cybotron - Colossus - LP (Dual Planet)
Czarface - Czarface & The Return of Metal Face - LP (Silver Age)
Holgr Czukay, Jaki Liebzeit, Jah Wobble - A Full Circle - 2x10” (Gronland)
D-Mob - We Call It Acieeed Remixes - 12” (London Records)
Etienne Daho - Surf - 12” (Warner Music France)
Dalvanius and The Fascinations/Golden Harvest - Voodoo Lady/I Need Your Love - 7” (Warm)
Damaged Bug - Bug On Yonkers - LP (Castle Face)
The Damned - Fiendish Shadows: 40th Anniversary - LP color vinyl (Cleopatra)
Dave Davies - Rock Bottom: Live at The Bottom Line - 2LP (Green Amp/Red River)
Miles Davis - Double Image: Directions in Music (Selections from The Complete Bitches Brew Sessions) - 2LP (CMG/Legacy)
Divina De Campo - Decoded - 12” (PEG Records)
Def Leppard ft. Brian May and Ian Hunter - Rock ‘N Roll Hall of Fame - LP (UMe/Virgin EMI)
Mac DeMarco - Other Here Comes The Cowboy Demos - LP purple (Macs Record Label)
Devil's Witches - Guns, Drugs, and Filthy Pictures 10" (Majestic Mountain)
Destiny’s Child - Say My Name - 12” picture disc (CMG/Legacy)
The Detroit Cobras - Feel Good/etching - 7” (Wild Honey)
The Dickies - Banana Splits: The Tra La La Song 7" (Cleopatra)
Dinosaur Jr. - Swedish Fist: Live in Stockholm - LP (Cherry Red)
Dio - Annica - 12” picture disc (BMG/Niji Entertainment)
Dissection - Somberlain (2LP) (blue vinyl, etched side) (Black Lodge)
DJ Cam Quartet - The Essential - LP (Attytude Records)
Doctors of Madness - Dark Times - LP (Molecular Scream)
The Doors - The Soft Parade: Doors-Only Mix - LP (Rhino/Elektra)
Down N Outz - The Music Box - 12” (UMe)
Dr. John - Remedies - LP color vinyl (Get On Down)
Barry Dransfield - Barry Dransfield - LP (Glass Modern)
The Durutti Column - Idiot Savants (white vinyl) (180gr) (Demon)
The Durutti Column - Vini Reilly/WomadLive - 2LP + 7” (Factory Benelux)
Steve Earle - Times Like These/It’s About Blood - 7” (New West Records)
Clint Eastwood & General Saint - Stop That Train - 7” glow -in-the-dark (Greensleeves)
Luiz Eca y Familia Sagrada - La nueva onda del Brasil - LP (Vinilissimo)
Eddie & The Hot Rods - Get Your Rocks Off (2LP) (Jungle/Skydog)
Terry Edwards - Stop Trying to Sell Me Back My Past - 2LP (Sartorial Records)
Embryo - Embryos Rache - LP color vinyl (Loneos)
Embryo - Opal - LP color vinyl (Loneos)
Emerald Web - Valley of the Birds - LP (Trading Places)
Emerson, Lake, and Palmer - Live At Waterloo Field, Stanhope, New Jersey, US, 31st July 1992
Eminem - My Name Is/Bad Guys Always Die - 7” (Universal)
Brian Eno - Rams - LP (UMe)
Erasure - Blue Savannah - 12” (Mute)
Esplendor Geometrico - Necrosis en la playa - 7” (Geometrik)
Bill Evans - Some Other Time: The Lost Session from The Black Forest - 2LP (Resonance Records)
The Ex - All Corpses Smell the Same - 7” (Superior Viaduct)
Exit North - Book of Romance and Dust - 2LP (Exit North Records)
Ezra Collective - Clash of the Galazies - 12” (Enter the Jungle)
The Fall - Austurbæjarbíó Reykjavik Live 1983 - 2LP (Cherry Red)
The Fall - Cerebral Caustic: 25th Anniversary - LP color vinyl (Demon)
Fallen Angels - Paradise Lost - 2LP + poster + book (Sunbeam)
Fatboy Slim - Sunset (Bird Of Prey) 20th Anniversary Edition - 12" (SKINT)
Feeder - Feeling a Moment / Pushing the Senses - 12" (Echo)
The Feminine Complex - Livin’ Love - LP or CD (Modern Harmonic)
Field Music - Measure - 2LP (Memphis Industries)
Lee Fields - Let’s Get a Groove On - LP (Daptone)
Fight - A Small Deadly Space (gatefold) (red and black marble vinyl) (Real Gone Music)
Craig Finn - All These Perfect Crosses - 2LP (Partisan)
Kelly Finnigan - The Tales People Tell - LP (Colemine Records)
Flamin’ Groovies - Live at the Whiskey A Go-Go ‘79 - LP (Revenge Records)
Flawes - Highlights - LP (Red Bull Records)
Fleetwood Mac - Before The Beginning Vol 2 (3LP) (4/17 release date)
Fleetwood Mac - The Alternate Rumours - LP (Rhino/Warner)
The Fleshtones - Face of the Screaming Werewolf - LP or CD (Yep Roc Records)
Blaze Foley - Live at the Austin Outhouse - LP + 7” (End of an EaLost Art)
Josephine Foster - This Coming Gladness - LP (Fire Records)
Fraternity - Livestock - LP (Reel Music)
The Frumpies - Frumpie One Piece/Frumpies Forever - LP + 7” (Kill Roc Stars)
Future Sound of London - Cascade 2020 - LP (FSOL London)
Fuzztones - Lysergic Emanations - LP picture disc (Easy Action)
Serge Gainsbourg - Ces Petit Riens - LP (Ina)
Galaxie 500 - Copenhagen - 2LP/etching (202020 Records)
Rory Gallagher - Cleveland Calling LP - LP (Chess/UMC)
The Game - Born 2 Rap - 3LP (eOne Music)
Taana Gardner - Taana Gardner & Kenton Nix’s West End Works: Expanded - 2LP (Salsoul)
Gaston - My Queen - LP (Soul Brother Records)
Gemma Ray - Lights Out Zoltar! - LP pink (Bronzerat)
Gene - Rising for Sunset: 20th Anniversary - 2LP (Demon)
Giant Sand - Ramp - 2LP (Fire Records)
Freddie Gibbs & Madlib - Pinata - LP (Madlib Invazion)
Girl Band - Vicar Street Live - 2LP (Rough Trade Records)
Philip Glass - The Essential - 4LP (Music On Vinyl)
Glass Animals w/ Denzel Curry - Tokyo Drifting - 12” picture disc (Wolf Tone)
Goblin - Greatest Hits Vol. 1 - 2LP (AMS)
Golden Earring - Radar Love (original UK/Mootan LP version) - 7” (Music On Vinyl)
Goldie Lookin Chain - Original Pyrite Material - LP gold (1983 Records)
Gong - Live! At Sheffield 1974 - 2LP (LMLR)
Gorgan City - Realm - 12” (Virgin EMI)
Gorillaz - D-Sides (3LP) (WarneParlophone)
Gorillaz - G-Sides (2LP) (WarneParlophone)
Ellie Goulding - Lights: 10th Anniversary - LP (Polydor)
Davy Graham - The Holly Kaleidoscope (Universal/Decca)
Grateful Dead - Buffalo 5/9/77 - 5LP (Warner)
Gray - Never Gonna Leave New York City - 12” (Anasyrma)
David Gray - Please Forgive Me - 12” pink (IHT Records)
Juliette Greco - Jolie Mome: La muse de Saint Germain des Pres - 2LP (Poppydisc)
Al Green - Green Is Blues - LP, green and blue (Fat Possum)
Tom Grennan - This is the Place - 7” (Insanity)
The Grid - Floatation - 12” clear (Chemical Alley)
The Groundhogs - Split - 2LP red (Fire Records)
Grouplove - Broken Angel (Warner)
Guided By Voices - Hold On Hope - 10” clear (TVT)
Guided By Voices - Vampire on Titus - LP yellow/gold (Scat Records)
Marika Hackman - Any Human Friend - 10” (Virgin EMI)
Terry Hall - Home - 12” (Heavenly Recordings)
Johnny Hallyday - Le Plus Grands Succes - LP five-color vinyl (LMLR)
Halo - Let Me Do It/Life - 12” (Expansion)
Hanterhir - Schizophrenia/Dancing Out in Space - 7” (Easy Action)
Paul Hardcastle - 19: The Mixes (35th Anniversary Edition) - LP (Chrysalis)
Vladimir Harkonnen - Vlad Smash (Power It Up)
Hatchie & The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Sometimes Always - 7” (Heavenly Records)
Hawkwind - At the BBC 1972 (September 28 1972) - 2LP (Rhino)
Hawkwind - Quark, Strangeness & Charm - 2LP clear (Atomhenge)
Kuumba-Toudie Heath - Kwaida - LP (Reel Music)
The Heptones - Back on Top - LP red (Burning Sounds)
The High - Martin Hannett Sessions (Unreleased Martin Hannett Sessions for Somewhere Soon) - LP (Vinyl Revival)
High Frequency - Summertime - 7” (Nia)
Aashid Himons - The Gods and I - 12” (Music for Dream/Fyraften Musik)
Hiss Golden Messenger - Let the Light of the World Open Your Eyes - 7” (Merge)
Loleatta Holloway - Cry To Me - LP (Tidal Waves Music)
Hope In High Water - Bonfire and Pine - LP (Fish Records)
Hugh Hopper - 1984 (red vinyl)(LMLCulture Factory)
Hootie and the Blowfish - Live at Nick's Fat City 1995 2LP (Warner)
The Hotrats - Turn Ons: 10th Anniversary Edition - 10" color vinyl [100 with signed print] (Demon)
Human Race - Human Race/Grey Boy - 7” (Gem Records)
Humble Pie - Official Bootleg Collection, Vol. 2 - 2LP (HNE)
Hunny - Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. - LP blue (Epitaph)
Ike Yard - Night After Night - 12” red (Superior Viaduct)
Implosion - 2020 - 2LP (Trading Places)
Inhaler - It Won’t Always Be Like This/Oklahoma (Late Night Edition) - 7” (Polydor)
Inhaler - We Have To Move On/Ice Cream Sundae - 7” (Polydor)
Inhaler - My Honest Face (45rpm)/There’s No Other Place (33rpm) - 10” (Polydor)
The Inn House Crew - Something Special - LP (Room in the Sky Records)
Ken Ishii ft. Pac-Man - Join the Pac - 7” (iam8bit)
J Hus - Big Conspiracy - 2LP (Black Butter)
Bob James - Once Upon A Time: The Lost 1965 New York Studio Sessions - LP (Resonance Records)
Bert Jansch - Live in Italy - 2LP (Earth Recordings)
Jansen/Barbieri/Karn - Playing in a Room With People - 2LP (Medium Productions)
The Jazz Butcher - Big Planet Scary Planet - LP (Fire Records)
The Jazz Butcher - Condition Blue - LP (Fire Records)
The Jazz Butcher - Cult of th eBasement - LP (Fire Records)
The Jazz Butcher - Fishcoteque - LP (Fire Records)
Jethro Tull - Stormwatch 2 (Warner)
Elton John - Elton John: 50th Anniversary Edition - 2LP purple (UMe/Mercury)
J.J. Johnson and Kai Winding - J&K: Stonebone (UMe)
Linton Swesi Johnson - Bass Culture/LKJ In Dub - 2LP (UMC/Island)
Daniel Johnston - The End is Never Really Over - 2LP (Feraltone) [features Artistic Vice and 1990]
Samantha Jones - A Girl Named Sam - LP (Trading Places)
Wizz Jones - Wizz Jones: Mono and Stereo Mixes - LP (Sunbeam)
Judas Priest - British Steel - 2LP picture disc (CMG/Legacy)
June of 44 - Engine Takes to the Water - LP (Touch & Go)
June of 44 - Tropics and Meridians - LP (Touch & Go)
Jungle Brothers - Because I Got It Like That - 7” (Idlers)
Damien Jurado - Birds Tricked Into the Trees/From Devils To Davis - 7” (Loose)
David Keenan - Alchemy & Prose: Live Recordings - 12” (Rubyworks)
Dermot Kennedy - Without Fear - LP (Island)
Tim Key - Tim Key’s Late Night Poetry Programme - 2LP color vinyl (Demon)
Phoebe Killdeer - Fade Out Lines - LP (Kwaidan)
Killing Joke - Laugh at Your Peril: Live in Berlin - 3LP black and pink (Killing Joke Records)
Killing Joke - Turn to Red - 12” red (Turn to Red Records)
The King James Version - He’s Forever (Amen) - 7” (Soul Kitchen)
The Kinks - The Kink Kronikles - 2LP red vinyl (Warner)
Klaxons - Surfing the Void: 10th Anniversary Edition - 2LP (UMC/Polydor)
Knight Area - D-Day - 2LP black and white (Butler)
Sarathy Korwar - Otherland - 12” transparent green (The Leaf Label)
Kraftwerk - 1 (50th Anniversary Edition) - LP (True Choice Recordings)
Kraftwerk - 2 - LP (True Choice Recordings)
Fela Ransome Kuti and His Highlife Rakers - Fela’s First: The Complete 1959 Melodisc Session - 10” (Cadillac Records)
Wolfgang Lackerschmid and Chet Baker - Ballads for Two - LP (Dot Time Records)
Laneous - Elsewhere/Flawless - 7” (Soul Has No Tempo)
kd lang - Angel with a Lariat - LP red (Warner)
kd lang - Drag - 2LP color vinyl (Warner)
Larkins - Hit and Run - 10” EP (Good Soldier Records)
Jamie Lawson - Last Night Stars - LP (Lookout Mountain)
The Leaf Library - About Minerals - LP (Where Its At is Where You Are)
Jenny Lee - I’m So Tired/Some Things Last a Longtime - 12” (Caroline)
Thomas Leer - Emotional Hardware - CD (Smitten Kitten)
Michel Legrand - Jazz on Film - LP (Moochin’ About)
John Lennon - Instant Karma 2020 Ultimate Remix - 7” (UMe)
Lil' Kim - 9 (Deluxe LP) (Ltd)
Alison Limerick - Where Love Lives/Frankie Knuckles remix - 12” (Arista)
Alfredo Linares y su Sonora - Yo traigo boogaloo - LP (Vampisoul)
The Live Band - A Cance for Hope - 7” (The Sound of Brooklyn)
Local Natives/Overcoats - When Am I Gonna Lose You - 7” (Loma Vista Recordings)
The London Suede - London Suede - LP (Demon)
Loop - Sevens - 3x7” (Reactor)
Loose Joints - Is It All Over My Face: 40th Anniversary Edition - 2x12” (West End)
Los Amigos Invisibles - Arepa 3000 - 2LP (Luaka Bop)
Lothar & The Hand People - Machines: Amherst 1969 - LP + CD (Modern Harmonic)
The Lottery Winners - Love Will Keep Us Together - 7” (Modern Sky)
Love Frame Tragedy - Five Songs to Briefly Fill the Void - 10” EP (Good Soldier Records)
The Lovely Eggs - I Am A ***** - LP picture disc (Egg Records)
Marcy Luarks and Classic Touch - Electric Murder - LP (Kalita Records)
Corb Lund - Cover Your Tracks EP - 12” EP (New West Records)
Kenny Lynch - Half the Day’s Gone and We Haven’t Earned a Penny / Ashley Beedle Remix - 7” (Satril)
Kirsty MacColl - Other People's Hearts: B-Sides 1988-1989 - LP clear (Demon)
Madness - Work, Rest, and Play - 2x7” (Union Square/BMG)
Magic in Threes - Stay in Your Lane - 7” (King Underground)
Magnetic System - Godzilla/Escape - 7” (AMS)
Magnum - Fully Loaded - LP (Phoenix)
Manic Street Preachers - Done & Dusted - 12” (CMG/Legacy)
Mansun - The Dead Flowers Reject - LP (Kscope)
The Mar-Keys - Last Night EP - 10” EP (Vinyl Revival)
Bob Marley - Redemption Song - 12” clear vinyl (UMe)
Nick Mason - See Emily Play/Vegetable Man - 12” (Legacy)
Sammy Massamba - 1990: Beni Soit Ton Nom - LP (SM Productions)
John Massoni & Sonic Boom - The Sundowner Sessions - LP (Space Age Recordings)
Paul McCartney - McCartney: 50th Anniversary Edition - LP (180g, half-speed mastered) (UMe/Capitol)
Tommy McGee - Now That I Have You - 12” (TMG Records)
Declan McKenna - Beautiful Faces/The Key to Life on Earth - 7” (Columbia)
Meat Loaf - Bat Out of Hell II: Back Into Hell - 2LP picture disc (UMe/Virgin EMI)
The Meat Puppets - The Meat Puppets - 10” (Megaforce)
Mellow Candle - Swaddling Songs (Universal)
Melt Yourself Down - Born in the ManoIt Is What It Is (IDLES Remix) - 7” (Decca)
Membranes - Kiss Ass Godhead - LP pink (Glass Modern)
Menswear - Nuisance: 25th Anniversary Edition - LP (Demon)
The Menzingers - Chamberlain Waits - LP color vinyl (Red Scare Industries)
Metal Mirror - English Booze/Rock ‘n’ Roll Ain’t Never Gonna Leave You - 7” (On the Dole Records)
The Meteors - Teenage Heart - LP color vinyl (Music On Vinyl)
Metronomy - Metronomy Forever Remixes - 12” (Because Music)
Metronomy & Clara Luciani - La Baie/La Grenade - 7” (Because Music)
Mew - And the Glass Handed Kites: 15th Anniversary Edition - 2LP (Music On Vinyl)
Mickey and The Soul Generation - Iron Leg/Chocolate - 7” (GCP)
Mickey and The Soul Generation - How Good is Good/Get Down Brother - 7” (Mr. G)
Mickey and Them - U.F.O./Hey, Brother Man (GCP)
Midland - Live at the Palomino - LP (Big Machine)
Charles Mingus - Mingus Ah Um Redux - 2LP (Get On Down)
Thelonious Monk - Palais Des Beaux-Arts (Tidal Waves Music)
Moonchild - The Truth/Run Away - 7” red/blue splatter (Tru Thoughts)
Moonspell - Memorial (red vinyl) (Rastilho Records)
Bobby Moore/Sweet Music - (Call Me Your) Anything/I Get Lifted - LP (Soul Brother Records)
Christy Moore - Prosperous - LP (Tara Music)
Kip Moore - Slowheart/Underground - LP + 10” (Snakefarm Records)
Kevin Morby - Oh Mon Dieu:1 Live a Paris - 2LP (Dead Oceans)
Giorgio Moroder ft. Kylie Minogue - Right Here Right Now remixes - 12” grey (Good For You Records)
Morrissey - Honey, You Know Where To Find Me/Fantastic Bird/You Should Have Been Nice to Me - 12" picture disc (BMG)
Chuck Mosley - First Hellos and Last Goodbyes - LP (blocGLOBAL)
Motorhead - Ace of Spades/Dirty Love - 7" shaped picture disc (Warner)
Mott the Hoople - Golden Age of Rock n Roll (blue vinyl) (Madfish)
Bob Mould - Circle Of Friends - 2LP clear vinyl) (Demon)
Mouth Congress - Ahhh The Pollution - 7” (Captured Tracks)
Mungo’s Hi Fi ft. Marina P, Dennis Alcapone & Tippa Irie - The Beat Goes SKA! - 7” (Scotch Bonnet Records)
The Murder Capital - Love, Love, Love/On Twisted Ground - 12” (Human Season Records)
Roisin Murphy - Incapable - 12” picture disc (Skint)
Mush - Great Artisanal Formats - 7” (Memphis Industries)
My Chemical Romance - Life on the Murder Scene - 12” (Reprise)
My Life Story - The Rose The Sea - 12” (Exilophone Records)
Nahko and Medicine for the People - Take Your Power Back (Live) - 10” (Side One Dummy Records)
Qasim Naqvi - Beta - LP (Erased Tapes
Nas - God’s Son - 2LP color vinyl (Get On Down)
Milton Nascimento - Ultimo Trem - 2LP red (Far Out Recordings
Nazareth - Love Hurts/This Flight Tonight - 10” (Salvo)
Fred Neil - 38 MacDougal - LP green (Delmore)
The New Clarence Reid - Cadillac Annie/Tired Blood - 7” (Phil-LA of Soul)
New Order - Peel Sessions - 12” (Rhino)
Nihilist - Carnal Leftovers (white vinyl) (Black Lodge)
Nite People - P.M. - LP (Trading Places)
North Sea Radio Orchestra - I A Moon - LP (The Household Mark)
Notorious BIG - It Was All A Dream - 9LP box (Rhino)
Gary Numan with Skaparis Orchestra - When the Sky Came Down Live - 3LP (BMG)
The Obsessed - Incarnate (Ultimate Edition) - LP gatefold or CD (Blues Funeral)
Ocean Colour Scene - One from the Modern - 2LP (UMC/Island)
Oh-Ok - The Complete Reissue - LP (white vinyl) (Hhbtm Records)
OHL - Oktoberrevolution (Power It Up)
Ol’ Dirty Bastard - Return to the 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version - 9x7” (Rhino/Elektra)
Operation Ivy - Energy - LP (Epitaph)
OST - A Haunting Strip of Marshland: OST for Ness (Drew Mulholland) (Castles In Space)
OST - Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me - LP (Maverick)
OST - Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery - 2LP (Disney)
OST - Austin Powers In Goldmember - 2LP (Maverick)
OST - Black Mirror: Smithereens (Ryuichi Sakamoto) - LP (Music On Vinyl)
OST - C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. - LP (Terror Vision)
OST - The Cinematic Orchestra/London Met Orchestra - The Crimson Wing: Mystery of the Flamingoes - 2LP pink (Disney)
OST - Henri Crolla & Andre Hodeir - Jazz on Film… - LP (Moochin’ About)
OST- Dennis Hopper’s The Last Movie - LP (Earth Recordings)
OST - Doctor Who - Massacre - 2LP “Parisian Blaze Orange” (Demon)
OST - Dracula/The Curse of Frankenstein (James Bernard) - 2LP
OST - Fistful of Dollars (Ennio Morricone) - 10” (BTF)
OST - For a Few Dollars More (Ennio Morricone) - 10” (AMS)
OST - Francis Lai - Made in France - LP (PlayTime)
OST - Fuktronic (Jimmy Urine and Serj Tankian) - LP (Music On Vinyl)
OST - The Godfather (Nino Rota) - 7” white (Silva Screen)
OST - The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly (Ennio Morricone) - LP (AMS)
OST - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Original (Demon Records UK)
OST - La Planete Sauvage (Alain Goraguer 1973) - LP yellow (Superior Viaduct)
OST - The Last Porno Show - LP (Country Club)
OST - Last Tango in Paris (Gato Barbieri) - LP rose (AMS)
OST - Metroland (Mark Knopfler) - LP (UMC-Mercury)
OST - Monty Python and the Holy Grail - LP picture disc (UMC/Virgin EMI)
OST - The Musical Anthology of His Dark Materials (Lorne Balfe) - 2LP (Silva Screen)
OST - Once Upon a Time in the West (Ennio Morricone) - LP (BTF)
OST - Paw Patrol - 7” EP dog bone white (Enjoy the Ride)
OST - Peur Sur la Ville (Ennio Morricone 1975) - 2LP (WeWantSounds/Modulor)
OST - Phenomenon - 2LP (Warner)
Piero Piccioni, Armando Trovaioli, Carlo Rustichelli, Nino Rota - Jazz On Film… - 2LP (Moochin’ About)
OST - Serpico (Mikis Theodorakis 1973) (WeWantSounds/Modulor)
OST - Shaft in Africa (Johnny Pate) - 2x7” (Dynamite Cuts)
OST - Synecdoche New York (Jon Brion) - LP (Fire Soundtracks)
OST - Terrahawks - LP (Gerry Anderson)
OST - The Truth and the Light: Music from The X Files - 12” glow-in-the-dark green (Warner)
OST - The Turning: Kate’s Diary (Music On Vinyl)
OST - The Virgin Suicides - LP (Rhino/Ryko)
The Pale Fountains - Longshot for Your Love - LP (Marina)
Pale Saints - Mrs. Dolphin - LP (4AD)
Parabellum - Post Mortem Live - 2LP red and black splatter vinyl (LMLR)
Paradise Lost - Live at Rockpalast - 2LP (Music On Vinyl)
Paranoid London - Paranoid London - LP (Paranoid London)
Bobby Parker - Soul of the Blues - LP (Rhythm and Blues)
Robert Parker - I Caught You in a Lie - 7” (Nola)
The Pastels - Advice to the Graduate/Ship to Shore - 7” (Domino)
Pennywise - The Fuse - LP orange and black (Epitaph)
Carl Perkins - Live In Paris - LP blue (LMLR)
Lee Perry and Black Ark Players - Guidance - 12” (VP Records)
Lee “Scratch” Perry and the Upsetters - Super Ape Variant - LP color vinyl (Get On Down)
Lee “Scratch” Perry & Daniel Boyle ft. Max Romeo - Horror Zone - 12” (Upsetter)
Pigbag - Dr. Heckle and Mr. Jive - 2LP (Call of the Void)
The Pineapple Thief - Uncovering the Tracks - LP (Kscope)
Pink Floyd - Arnold Layne (Live at Syd Barrett Tribute, 2007) - 7”/etching (Parlophone/Legacy)
Pinkfong - Baby Shark - 7” EP (SmartStudyCo)
Pluto - Journey’s End - LP (Morgan Blue Town)
The Pogues - At the BBC 1984 - LP (Rhino)
Marvin Pontiac (John Lurie) - The Asylum Tapes - LP (Northern Spy)
Iggy Pop - Kiss My Blood - 3LP/DVD/poster - (LMLR)
Iggy Pop and the Stooges - Russian Melodia - 7” (replica of French bootleg) (Revenge Records)
Natalie Prass - Natalie Prass - LP + 7” (Spacebomb)
Predatur - Seen You Here - 7” (On the Dale Records)
Elvis Presley - The Rock & Roll Collection - 5xEP (LMLR) [unofficial]
Elvis Presley - Elvis Prohibited - 2LP (LMLR) [unofficial]
Pretenders - Live! At the Paradise Theater, Boston 1980 - LP (Warner)
Primal Scream - Loaded: 30th Anniversary Editin - 12” (CMG/Legacy)
Prince Fatty - The Model ft. Shniece Mcmenanin & Horseman - 7” (Evergreen Recordings)
Ian Prowse - The People Not The Crown - 10” (Kitchen Disco Records)
Prince - Sign O' The Times - 2LP (Warner)
Tito Puente - Dance Mania Volumes 1 and 2 - 2LP (Poppydisc)
Asha Puthli - Asha Puthli - LP (Mr. Bongo)
Sir Joe Quarterman & Free Soul - Sir Joe Quarterman & Free Soul (Mr. Bongo)
Quicksilver Messenger Service - Happy Trails - LP yellow (LMLCulture Factory)
The RAH Band - Producers Choice - 2LP (Atjazz)
Raised Fist - Sound of the Republic - LP (Burning Heart Records)
Ramones - It’s Alive II - 2LP (Rhino)
Rare Pleasure - Let Me Down Easy - 7” (South Street Disco)
Raw Material - Raw Material - 2LP (Sunbeam)
Roy Redmond - Ain’t That Terrible/A Change is Gonna Come - 7” (Harlem Shake)
Lou Reed/John Cale - Songs for Drella: 30th Anniversary Edition - 2LP/etching (Rhino/Warner)
Winston Reedy and the Inn House Crew - Black Pearl - LP (Room in the Sky)
The Replacements - The Complete Incarcerated Live - 3LP (Rhino)
The Residents - Icky Flix - 2LP orange and yellow (New Ralph)
Gruff Rhys - (Don’t) Welcome The Plague As a Blessing - LP (Rough Trade Records)
Keith Richards - Hate It When You Leave/Key to the Highway - 7” (BMG/Mindless)
Minnie Riperton - Les FleuOh By the Way - 7” (Selector Series)
Robyn - Robyn - 2LP (UMC/Island)
Pete Rock - Petestrumentals 3 - 2LP color vinyl (Tru Soul Records)
The Rolling Stones - Metamorphosis - LP (UMC/ABKCO)
Tal Ross - Giant Shirley - 2LP (Tidal Waves Music)
Keith Rowe & Mark Wastell - Live at I-and-E (cover art by David Sylvian) - LP white (Confront Recordings)
Roxy Music - Roxy Music: Steven Wilson Stereo Mix - 2LP (UMC/Virgin EMI)
Freya Roy - Ahlke - LP (Vinyl Hunter Records)
Gene Russell - New Direction (transparent clear with heavy black swirl vinyl) (with insert) (Real Gone Music)
Sasha - Scene Delete: The Remixes - 2LP (Night Time Stories)
Sea Girls - Call Me Out - 12” (Polydor)
Shakespeares Sister - #3 - 2LP (Do Yourself In)
Shakespeares Sister - You’re History - 12” (London Records)
Anoushka Shankar - Love Letters
Ravi Shankar with George Harrison - Chants of India - 2LP red (BMG)
Sandie Shaw - Reviewing the Situation - 2LP (UMC/Virgin EMI)
Don Shinn - Departures - LP (Sunbeam)
Don Shinn - Temples with Prophets - LP (Sunbeam)
Situation ft. Andre Espeut - Beyond Compare Laroye Remixes - 7” (Situationism)
Edith Sitwell/William Walton - Facade - 10” (Moochin’ About)
Skatt Bros. - Walk the Night - 12” (Spaziale)
Skid Row - Slave to the Grind - 2LP red (Rhino)
Skye - Keeping Secrets - LP white (Skye)
Skyzoo & Pete Rock - Retropolitan Instrumentals - LP orange splatter (Mello Music Group)
Slint - Breadcrumb Trail/Good Morning Captain - 12” (Touch & Go)
Slowdive - Slowdive - 12” (Music On Vinyl)
Sam Smith - I Feel Love - 12” (Capitol)
Chris Smither - More from the Levee - LP (Signature Sounds)
Snapped Ankles - 21 Metres to Hebden Bridge - LP (The Leaf Label)
So Solid Crew - 21 Seconds EP - 12” EP (UMe/Craft Recordings)
The Soft Boys - I Wanna Destroy You/Near the Soft Boys - 2x7” (Yep Rock Records)
Soft Cell - Mutant Moments EP - 10” (Big Frock)
SOHN - SOHN Live with the Metropole Orkest - 2LP (4AD)
Soul Asylum - Hurry Up and Wait (exclusive 2LP+7") (Blue Elan)
Spacehog - Resident Alien (2LP) (cream with pink splatter "British passport" vinyl) (Real Gone Music)
Spacemen 3 - Threebie 3 - LP (Space Age Recordings)
Richard Spaven - Spaven’s 5ive - LP (Jazz Refreshed)
Britney Spears - Oops! I Did It Again Expanded - LP (Legacy/CMG)
The Specials - Dubs - 10” (Two Tone)
Spectrum - Forever Alien - 2LP (Space Age Recordings)
Devon Sproule - The Pink Noise - 12” (Tin Angel Records)
Stalawa ft. Junior Demus - Trad On - 7” (Foreign Mind)
Marker Starling/Ha Ha Collective - Slick Rock - 7” (Tin Angel Records)
Status Quo - Ma Kelly's Greasy Spoon - LP yellow and white “fried egg” (WarneSanctuary)
Cat Stevens - But I Might Die Tonight/alternate version - 7” blue (UMe/Island)
Storm Gordon - Diamond in the Heart - 12” EP (Wanderlust Productions)
Jackie Stoudemire/Al Stewart - Dancing - 12” (TAP Records)
Suede - See You in the Next Life - LP (Demon)
Sugarhill Gang - Sugarhill Gang - LP (Music On Vinyl)
Sumy - Funkin’ in Your Mind Parts 1 and 2 - 12” (Music On Vinyl)
Sun Ra - Egypt ‘71 - 5LP (Strut)
Supergrass - Caught By the Fuzz - 10” EP (Echo)
Surfer Blood - Astro Coast: 10 Years Anniversary - 2LP (Kanine Records)
Neil Swainson Quintet - 49th Parallel - LP (Reel to Real)
The Sweet Inspirations - The Sweet Inspirations - LP gold (Reel Music)
Gabor Szabo - Dreams w/ bonus tracks (gatefold) (Ebalunga!!! Records) (4/17 release date)
T La Rock & Jazzy J - It’s Yours - 7” (Partytime)
Jacqueline Taieb - Lolita Chick ‘68 - LP (Mad French)
Tailenders - #tailendersoftheworlduniteandtakeover - 7” (Bit Spicy That)
Tangerine Dream - Phaedra: 2019 Edition w/ bonus tracks - 2LP (UMC/Virgin EMI)
Tangerine Dream - Tyger (clear blue vinyl) (LMLR)
Willie Tee - Teasing You Again/Your Love, My Love Together - 7” (Gatur)
Tegan and Sara - Tonight We’re in the Dark Seeing Colors - LP violet and black splatter (Warner)
The Telescopes - Altered Perception - 2LP (Space Age Recordings)
Television Personalities - Some Kind of Happiness: Singles 1995-1999 - 2LP (Fire Records)
Tennis System - Fear of Knowing - LP (Graveface)
The Teskey Brothers - Live at the Forum - LP (Classics & Jazz UK)
That Will Be Lunch - Play That Funky Music White Boy
The The - I WANT 2 B U - 7” (Cineola)
Thin Lizzy - Chinatown - 2LP (Mercury/UMC)
Throwing Muses - Purgatory/Paradise - 2LP (Fire Records)
Johnny Thunders and Wayne Kramer - Gang War (2LP) (Jungle/Skydog)
Timeless Legend - Synchronized - LP (Expansion Records)
TLC - Waterfalls/Creep - 12” (CMG/Legacy)
Tom Tom Club - Genius of Live - LP (Nacional Records)
Peter Tosh - Buk-In-Hamm Palace - 12” (Spaziale Recordings)
Toto - Live in Tokyo 1982 - LP (CMG/Legacy)
Touchdown - Ease Your Mind/Aquadance - 12” (Record Shack)
Tyler The Creator - Cherry Bomb - 2LP red (Legacy)
Tyler The Creator - Cherry Bomb Instrumentals - 2LP pink (Legacy)
Tyrannosaurus Rex - Unicorn - LP color (UMC/Polydor)
U2 - 11 O’Clock Tick Tock - 12” (UMC)
UFO - Live in Youngstown '78 - 2LP (Chrysalis)
Ultravox - Sleepwalk: 2020 Stereo Mix - 12” (Chrysalis)
Underground Solution - Luv Dancin: 30th Anniversary - 12” (Strictly Rhythm)
Unrighteous Brothers - Unchained Melody/You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling
Marcus Upbeat/Laurel Aitken - Blue Beat is Back in Town/Boogie Rock - 7” (Blue Beat)
The Valentines - 1967-1970 - LP (Demon)
V/A - BBC Radiophonic Workshop: Four Albums 1968-1978 - 6CD (Silva Screen)
V/A - The Beat Scene - 2LP (Universal)
V/A - Behind the Dykes: Beat, Blues and Psychedelic Nuggets from the Lowlands - 2LP (Music On Vinyl)
V/A - The Blues Scene - 2LP (Universal)
V/A - Brazil 45s Box Set - 5x7” (Mr. Bongo)
V/A - Brazil Funk Power: Brazilian Funk and Samba Soul - 10x7” box (Soul Jazz Records)
V/A - Champion Classics - 12” box (Champion Records)
V/A - Cleveland Confidential - LP (Superior Viaduct)
V/A - Dance Craze - LP (Two Tone)
V/A - Detroit A-Go-Go - 10” (Detroit A-Go-Go)
V/A - Detroit Punk Archive Presents The End of the Night: 1976-1983 - 2LP (Hold Fast)
V/A - Doo Wop (Le Chante Du Monde)
V/A - Flow - LP (Mercury KX)
V/A - The Girls Scene - 2LP (Universal)
V/A - Hi Tide Groove - LP (Fat Possum)
V/A - Hillbillies in Hell Volume X - LP (Iron Mountain Analogue Research)
V/A - Jet Star Meets Hospital - LP (Hospital Records)
V/A - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - 2x7” (Where Its At Is Where You Are)
V/A - The Ladies if Too a Slow to Disco Vol. 2 - 2LP (How Do You Are?)
V/A - The Land Of Sensations & Delights: The Pop-Psych Sounds of White Whale Records, 1965-1970 - 2LP or CD (Varese Sarabande/Craft Recordings)
V/A - Late Night Tales - new compilation
V/A - A Mickey Dread Production - 10” red, green and gold (Music On Vinyl)
V/A - The Mood Scene Vol. 2 - 2LP (Universal)
V/A - Music for Dreams: Summer Sessions 2020 - LP (Music for Dreams)
V/A - Nativity in Black: A Tribute to Black Sabbath (2LP) (gatefold) (transparent clear with heavy black swirl vinyl) (Real Gone Music)
V/A - Pin-Up Girls - LP (Vinyl Passion)
V/A - Psyché France, Vol. 6 - LP (Warner Music France Back Catalogue)
V/A - Pyramid Pieces 1 - LP (The Roundtable)
V/A - The Rock and Roll Scene - 2LP (Universal)
V/A - The Ska from Jamaica - LP (Trojan)
V/A - Studio One 007: License to Ska - James Bond and Other Film & TV Soundtracks (Soul Jazz Records)
V/A - Studio One - Studio First: From the Vaults, Vol. 2 - LP or CD (Studio One)
V/A - Studio One Rockers (green vinyl) (Soul Jazz Records)
V/A - Sun Records 2020 Compilation (placeholder name)
V/A - Sweet Relief: A Benefit for Victoria Williams - LP (Legacy/CMG)
V/A - Troubled Troubadours - LP color vinyl (Iron Mountain Analogue Research)
V/A - Wick Records Battle of the Bands Vol. 1 - LP (Wick Records)
V/A - You Flexi Thing, Vol. 6 - 7” (REPEA*T)
V/A - You Gotta Have Soul: Raw Sonoran R&B and Funk (1957-1971) - LP (Zia Records)
The Vaselines/Pooh Sticks - Split 7”: Dying for It - 7” (Glass Modern)
Steve Maxwell Von Braund - The Return to Monster Planet - LP (The Roundtable)
The Wake - Here Comes Everybody - LP + 7” (Factory Benelux)
Warmduscher - European Cowboy - 12” (The Leaf Label)
Warsaw Pakt - Needle Time - LP + 7” (Munster)
Roger Waters and guests - The Wall: Live in Berlin - 2LP cleat (UMC/Virgin EMI)
Geraint Watkins - Geraint Watkins & The Domniators - 2LP (Jungle)
Ben Watt w/ Robert Wyatt - Summer Into Winter - 12” EP (Cherry Red)
Mike Watt + The Secondmen - In Quintessence/instrumental (Yep Roc Records)
Norman Watt-Roy - Faith & Grace - LP red (Cadiz Music)
We Are Scientists - With Love and Squalor: Live in Woodstock 1969 - LP tri-color (100%)
The Wedding Present - Shaun Keaveny Session - 7” color vinyl (Hatch)
Whiskey Myers - Early Morning Shakes - 2LP (Snakefarm Records)
Whiskey Myers - Firewater - 2LP (Snakefarm Records)
Tony Joe White - The Beginning - LP white (New West Records)
The Who - Odds and Sods: Expanded - 2LP (UMC/Polydor)
The Who - A Quick Live One: Captured Live at the Monterey International Pop Festival - LP red, white, blue striped (The Monterey International Pop Foundation)
Widespread Panic - Sunday Show (Capitol Theatre, Port Chester, NY 3/24/19) (configuration TBA)
Ginger Wildheart - Excess GASS - LP (Round Records)
Hank Williams and His Drifting Cowboys w/ Miss Audrey - 1951 March of Dimes - LP red (BMG)
Jack Wilson Quartet ft. Roy Ayers - Call Me: Jazz From the Penthouse - 2LP (Century 67)
Steven Wilson - two reissues TBA
Wire - 10:20:00 - LP (Pink Flag)
Wishbone Ash - Live Dates II - LP yellow/clear blue (LMLCulture Factory)
Jah Wobble - A Very British Coup - 12” (Youth Sounds)
The Wolfgang Press - Unremembered, Remembered: Expanded - LP (4AD)
Wonk Unit - Sniffer Time/Bloodlust - 7” purple (PlastereCadiz Music)
Ronnie Wood and Keith Richards - The First Barbarians: Live From Kilburn - 3LP (Wooden Records)
Wu-Tang - An American Saga (Ltd)
Xterminator - Earth Feel It - 7x7” (Xterminator)
Yardbirds - Roger The Engineer: Expanded w/ 1966 recordings - 2LP color vinyl (Demon)
Neil Young - Homegrown - LP (Reprise)
Youth & Nik Turner - Interstellar Energy - LP blue (Youth Sounds/Cadiz Music)
Youth & The Slaves of Venus - Wooden Floor - 7” (Youth Sounds/Cadiz Music)
Frank Zappa - You Can’t Do That On Stage Anymore - 2LP (UMe)
Malena Zavala - La yarara - LP (Yucatan)
The Zoo - Presents Chocolate Moose - LP (Reel Music)
submitted by sto_sa to RecordStoreDay [link] [comments]


2020.01.23 08:32 MotherMychaela Am I atypical?

This post is my introduction to this community. I am a trans woman who codes, but I am afraid that I am rather atypical, so I don't know if I belong here or not - but here it goes...
I am 40, have been programming since about age 8, my first computer was a Soviet PDP-11 clone called BK0010. Assembly was the only language in town (unless you were into BASIC or FOCAL, which I wasn't), and the only means of programming was entering octal machine codes at octal addresses. The late Soviet or early Russian hacker community at the time wrote the first debugger that let you enter assembly mnemonics rather than octal opcodes, but you still had to put everything at absolute octal addresses yourself; then using that tool as their stepping stone, that same community produced the first assembler that took a source with labels as inputs and took care of putting things at addresses - whew!
I spent my early childhood programming in this PDP-11-clone assembly on BK0010 and then BK0011 computers - the latter was so much fun, bank-switched memory where you had to jump between pages by going through a bit of trampoline code which you have to put into the one page that has fixed mapping... Then I got into x86 PCs under parental pressure (yuck, PC architecture is so disgusting compared to DEC PDP-11s with UNIBUS or Q-bus or Soviet clones thereof), and for a while I was a DOS jockey in my teens. C became available, but under DOS it is very non-native, not like UNIX at all, so I still stuck to assembly. Wrote my own 386 memory manager, a floppy disk copyprotection cracker, etc.
Then at age 15 I had to flee from Russia. Why? Because I suffered one of the worst misfortunes that can befall a female soul - I was assigned male at birth. AMAB people in Russia get forcibly drafted into the army; the actual draft happens at age 18, but various preparations for it begin as early as 15. As a very feminine and delicate person, my chances of survival in that environment would have been extremely low (definitely zero if rounded to integer type), so I had to flee. Having no other viable choices, I had to tag along with my worst enemies (birth parents) when they moved to USA. That life episode was seriously traumatic, so much that I have mostly blackholed it in my memory.
As I began to regain independence from my parents in this strange foreign country called USA, my computing passions awoke and expanded. Soon afterward I discovered DEC VAX architecture, a very beefed-up successor to my childhood friend PDP-11, and best of all, I discovered UNIX! The years were the mid-1990s, and I was lucky to experience the Unix world before it became the Linux monoculture of today - so I got to play with real UNIX! I enjoyed playing with SunOS 4, DEC Ultrix, BSDI, FreeBSD 2.x and probably others I don't remember as clearly after all of the years that have passed. My absolute favorite is 4.3BSD running on VAX hardware - not for the faint of heart.
These days I run Slackware Linux as my daily driver. Slackware is the most UNIX-like of all Linux distros, and this quality makes it tolerable. Not great, just tolerable - whereas all of the "modern" distros are simply intolerable for me. I don't do any web programming, and I never touch anything higher level than C - unless you count the rather massive Bourne shell code I write for some of my custom configuration and build systems. I certainly don't use and don't know any of the "modern" languages!
In terms of day jobs, I've been working in embedded systems since 2001 or so. Typical example of the kind of work I do: at my current day job (been there since 2013, transitioned on the job in 2015) they have a custom ASIC with 4 ARM processor cores inside, one core runs Linux, the other 3 run specialized bare metal (RTOS or OS-less) code that communicates with the Linux processor via shared memory and interprocessor interrupts. Naturally I am the gal who ported the Linux kernel to this custom ASIC, as well as all of the boot path. There is actually a boot ROM in the chip, i.e., a piece of code baked right into the silicon (so no bugs allowed!), I wrote that boot ROM code as well, and I got my name embedded as an Easter egg in the silicon - and yes, it is my female name! Nowadays I mostly work on OS-less bare-metal code that runs on the other processor cores in the ASIC. It was similar work in my previous day jobs: Linux kernel ports, bootloaders, device drivers, board bring-up, verification of ASIC logic on FPGA prototyping platforms before tapeout, that kind of thing. Wrote some Verilog too, although only for FPGAs, nothing that went into an ASIC.
But my day-job work is only a small part of what I do, and outside of that I am a computing freedom fighter: I fight against proprietary software and against locked-down platforms. Thanks to Linux and to a lesser extent GNU, liberation of ordinary server, desktop and laptop computers from the clutches of proprietary software is a mostly finished job - I don't run any proprietary software on my Slackware Linux laptop, and I don't need to. Instead for the past several years (since 2013) I have been leading a project to liberate my GSM cellphone.
An explanation is in order: I refuse to own or use any kind of smartphone (the worst cesspool of proprietary software imaginable), instead the only kind of cellphone I am willing to use is the kind with a small, non-touch-sensitive display and traditional numeric dial buttons - the kind that is designed to make and receive plain old phone calls on the Public Switched Telephone Network, and absolutely positively nothing else. But the problem is that these so-called dumbphones are closed and proprietary too! They run complex firmware ranging in size from 2 to 8 megabytes or so (on models of the age that is of interest to me), this firmware does everything from running the cell radio protocol stack (talking to the cell network) to running the dumbphone UI, and having this firmware be closed and proprietary is intolerable to me - hence I set out to liberate it.
My phone liberation project is called FreeCalypso (www.freecalypso.org), and I have already achieved some fairly impressive success. I have chosen a cellular chipset that fits MY liking (chipset called Calypso, hence the project name), completely unlike the heavily locked-down chipsets from Qualcomm and the like, and I already have a working modem board designed and built by me connecting to T-Mobile's GSM network, as well as various networks in other countries - I have sent out a few of these boards to a few people around the world. The only thing that is missing is the user interface, i.e., the display and buttons - my current modem board needs to be controlled from a host computer via AT commands.
Right now my project is paused for financial reasons - I need to get my SRS done. I have already dumped tens of thousands of dollars into FreeCalypso (designing and building your own hardware that is comparable to commercial cellphones on a "professional hobbyist" basis is not cheap), but right now I need to pause my spending on the project in order to redirect that money into saving up for my SRS. I actually have a date already scheduled with Chet for this May, but I will almost certainly have to reschedule (have to decide by next month to avoid any deposit forfeit) because there is no way I can gather enough money in time unless a miracle happens and I get a big outside donation from somewhere. If I reschedule as I most likely will have to, I will probably ask for May of 2021, i.e., the farthest out that Chet can reschedule - and then pray that I can gather the money in that year and a half...
submitted by MotherMychaela to transprogrammer [link] [comments]


2019.12.21 07:11 FederalLeagueMVP Far off Anniversaries in Baseball: 1929

Welcome back to a resuscitated /baseball recurring series, (far off) Anniversaries in Baseball. The premise is simple: time, like baseball, is a flowing stream, that changes much less than we like to think it does. This series is about reflecting and remembering upon baseball events, or jerks, and real-world intrusions that made up a certain year exactly a few decades away. I attempt to convey this by merging primary and secondary sources through a variety of mediums to paint a portrait of the season in review. For the next few weeks, until the end of 2019, we will be drawing our thoughts back to 1909, ’19, ’29, ’39, ’49, ’59 to better understand our shared past and our sublimely important present- I ask you to join me on a quest through time to preserve a precious perspective and I hope you enjoy the series. Please include any feedback or thoughts in the comments section.
PS: for those of you longtime fans of the series- I’ve changed up the structure of individual episodes slightly and I hope it works better chronologically. The important births, deaths, no hitters, and weird baseball events are mixed in as they happened in that year. But where else can we start but the rulers of the world?
World Leaders
China: Chiang Kai-shek
England: PM Stanley Baldwin
Russia: Party Leader Joseph Stalin
United States of America: President Calvin Coolidge
France: President Gaston Doumergue
Germany: Chancellor Hermann Muller
Japan: Prime Minister Baron Tanaka Giichi
Italy: Prime Minister Benito Mussolini
Turkey: President Mustafa Kemal Ataturk
Mexico: President Emilio Portes Gil
Persia: Prime Minister Mehdi Qoli Hedayat
Canada: Prime Minister William LM King
Cuba: President Gerardo Machado
JAN-MARCH
On 11 January, the Mossi’s of St. Helena, CA introduced their son, Donald Louis, to the world. At the end of that same month on the 29th, Erich Maria Remarque’s story All’s Quiet on the Western Front broke out in print after gaining an introduction in German newspapers the year before. There were warning signs floating down from above to remind survivors of the Great War their troubles might return. On 07 February, the Federal Reserve, led by Secretary of Treasury A.W. Mellon, issued a memo warning America about speculative loans and their threat to the booming economy. A week later exactly on the 14th at 2122 N. Clark Street, a two mile walk from Wrigley, Al Capone directed his goons to eliminate his final rivals to achieve his gang king status in Chicago. They dressed as cops to raid a liquor cache spot and shocked the nation, giving Capone notoriety. On the 23rd, Emmaline Webb Howard gave birth to a son, Elston.
On 04 March, Presidential-Elect Herbert Hoover embarked on his presidency with his inauguration speech, where he affirmed:
If we survey the situation of our nation both at home and abroad, we find many satisfactions; we find some causes for concern. We have emerged from the losses of the Great War and the reconstruction following it with increased virility and strength. From this strength we have contributed to the recovery and progress of the world.
Here is some remarkably high quality newsreel footage of William H. Taft administering the Oath to Hoover, becoming only the second ex-president to swear in another. Later this month, a small stock market crash turned out to be a harbinger to come. Meanwhile on the 27th, as teams were their Spring Training stage, Ayers, MA received a new human being among its borders, Rita Briggs.
PLAY BALL:
There were four games on April 16th, this year’s opening day. The Pirates beat the Cubs 4-3, Cleveland beat Detroit in extra innings, and the Browns overwhelmed the White Sox 3-1. The most historically momentous occasion was in the Cardinals vs. Reds game, where Frankie Fisch stood in at second and batted third for his first major league action.. The next day, the man who had morphed from a new and raw force to a sports titan in just a decade, Babe Ruth, married his second wife the papers picked up. On the 18th, as this SABR article expertly summarizes, Ruth cracked a home run as if anyone didn’t already know he was baseball’s king. The next day on the 19th, Browns catcher Rick Ferrell pinch hit during a loss to the White Sox
On the 27th, the New York Times reported the Phillies had beaten the Robbins to send the later into the cellar, but Robins pitcher Clise Dudley “hit the first pitched ball out of the park for a home run in the third inning”, one of the only players in major league history to do that on his first pitch.
On the first day of May, the often awful Browns sat atop the AL standings at 11-4, followed by the A’s at 8-4 who beat the Red Sox 24-6 in Fenway. In the short season so far, the Braves were atop the NL. One week later on the 7th, a woman in St. Louis, MO gave birth to Dick Williams (HoF) and in nearby Chicago, influential prohibition-era mob boss Al Capone was consolidating his power over the vice filled city. Capone held a party on that day to honor three gang members, who he then accused of beating traitors and personally beat them with a baseball bat and had murdered. The next day on the 8th, the Giants beat the Pirates 11-0 enjoying the rewards reaped by Carl Hubbell, who recorded a no hitter in his eighteenth career start.. Here is an excerpt from that article outlining the mad ninth:
“Hubbell’s mastery was visible in the absence of any sensational fielding feats,” wrote Brandt in the Times, but all of that changed when the hurler faced what the sportswriter called his “real test” in the final inning. Riconda, pinch-hitting for Kremer, lofted to short left what Harold C. Burr of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle called “an undeserving yet ruinous Texas Leaguer.” Fullis, making a mad dash, reached for the ball with both hands, according to the Times, but fumbled it for an error. Fullis was “perhaps more excited in the pinch than the pitcher,” wrote Brandt. The next batter, Sparky Adams, hit a tailor-made routine double-play grounder, but Jackson muffed it for his second error of the game. Seemingly unaffected by his teammates’ miscues, Hubbell fanned Lloyd Waner looking with a devastating curve. To the plate stepped Paul “Big Poison” Waner, the 1927 NL batting champion (.380) and MVP, who had entered the game in an uncharacteristic slump, batting just .262. Hubbell faced his “biggest moment of the day, perhaps in his whole life,” wrote Brandt in the kind of hyperbole reserved only for the greatest of achievements. Waner hit a high chopper to the right side of Hubbell, whose one “fielding weakness” according to the Times, was this type of comebacker. But on a day when everything seemed to go right for the Giants, so too did Hubbell’s fielding. Diving for the ball, Hubbell “whirl[ed] and without waiting to recover balance he fired the ball to second.” Jackson caught the ball cleanly and rifled a strike to Bill Terry at first to complete the game in just 1 hour and 35 minutes.
Two days later on the 10th, Betty Weaver was born in Metropolis, IL. On the 13th, Al Capone met with gangsters from across the new urban country to form a crime syndicate. They made peace in this historic meeting. Also, on this day George Stallings finally succumbed to heart disease, a condition that had hovered over the final few years of his life. He once told a doctor his death was caused by:
"Bases on balls, you son of a bitch, bases on balls.
It was only a few days later on the 18th that Capone was arrested in nearby Philadelphia on a concealed weapons charge. Here’s the FBI’s side of how they finally caught up to a wicked criminal. On that same day, across town at Shibe Park, the first place Athletics maintained their 1.5 game lead on the Yankees by defeating the Senators 5-4. The next morning, the Yankees took on the Red Sox. Ruth and Gehrig hit back to back home runs immediately before a strange dust cloud combined with incoming rain seeped out of the bleachers, which sent off a panic. The Yankees would win, 3-0 as the cancelled game halted in the fifth after the discovery of two dead fans trampled by the mass. The NY Times headline was gruesome: “TWO KILLED, 62 HURT IN YANKEE STADIUM AS RAIN STAMPEDES BASEBALL CROWD; VICTIMS ARE CRUSHED AT BLEACHER EXIT; PILE UP AT FOOT OF STAIRS Hunter College Girl and Man Are Trampled to Death. TANGLED MASS OF BODIES 300 Policemen Speed to Scene and Physicians Fight Way Into Struggling Crush. MANY BOYS AMONG INJURED Panic Occurs in 'Ruthville' Part of Stands--Most Fans Are Unaware of Accident. Skies Start to Darken. Deluge Lets Loose. Clothing Torn in Struggle. Extra Policemen on Hand. Doctors Fight Through Crowds Whalen Visits Scene. Assistant Prosecutor Investigates. Two Blame Management BOY TOSSED IN AIR BY MOB. Says He Was Forced Through Wire Net--Bronx Man Describes Jam. Bronx Man Describes Rush. Another Blames Closed Gates.”
Ruth found one of the fatalities and attempted to bring her to safety.. The A’s lead still stood at 1.5. Also on this day, Curt Simmons (career WAR 42.3) cried and slept through his first day on Earth in Egypt, PA. On that Friday the 24th, the White Sox scored two runs in the bottom of the first inning in their game against the Tigers. The Detroit squad, sitting at 20-15, scored 4 unanswered runs off Sox starter Tyler Lyons before yielding a three spot in the fifth. The Tigers scratched across a run in the seventh and no one scored again until Charlie Gehringer’s sac fly off Lyons in the top of the 21st, and the Tigers held on to win the three hour game.
On June 12, Anne Frank was born in Frankfurt, Germany. On the 18th, congress decided to permanently freeze the number of representatives in the house at 435. Had congress passed James Madison’s last Bill of Rights, there would be over one thousand congressional house representatives in 2019. On the 29th, over in the Negro National League, the elite Kansas City Monarchs sent out two pitchers, “Army” Cooper and Chet Brewer, to no hit the Chicago American Giants. As the month of July dawned, the A’s were 48-17, eight games ahead of the Browns and nine ahead of the Yankees. Meanwhile in the NL, the Cubs had a half game lead on the Pirates and three games ahead of the Giants.
The Cubs were still in first place three days later when they took their places for a game against the Reds which saw nine combined double plays and a Cubs win. For the past three years, the Cubs were led by their star hitter (who averaged 183 hits a season), Hack Wilson, scheduled to start in center field at Wrigley for the July 4th doubleheader the next day. The Reds won the first game 9-8 and Wilson was heckled mercilessly from the Reds dugout from Roy Kolp. Here we pause to read a physical description of the man from a sabr article:
He stood 5-feet-6-inches tall, had a huge torso with short, stubby legs and weighed between 190 and 230 pounds depending on the year. He had a large head, flattened in the face, 16-inch biceps, and an 18-inch neck, but small hands — his bat handles had to be skinnied down for him to get a good grip — and even tinier feet. Sources put his shoe size no larger than 5½. Although people considered him odd-looking at the time, today we recognize in Wilson all the telltale signs of fetal alcohol syndrome, which in addition to physical peculiarities can also result in various mental disorders, such as delayed development, learning disorders, and behavioral issues like short attention span and poor impulse control.
Wilson hit a single in the fifth of the second game. As he stood on first, near the Reds dugout, Kolp dared him to come into the dugout which is exactly what Wilson did, furiously punching the pitcher and several other reds players, starting a brawl and getting tagged out during it.. After the game, which the Cubs won 10-5, the clubs headed off to their next ballparks on the same train. As the story goes, Wilson confronted some Reds players in street clothes:
[Wilson] snarled “I’m coming into your car to make Kolp apologies to me,”. Reds pitcher Pete Donohue stepped forward and, in a threatening voice, retorted, “You might not leave the car alive if you so much as stick your head inside.” “What’s it to you?” snapped Wilson, “It’s between Kolp and me, but if you want to get in on this, okay…”
Who knows if that’s exactly how it went but multiple witnesses saw Wilson deck Donohue not once, but twice to the floor. Their train was to Boston and in nearby Brockton MA Allen Davis was born on the 4th. The Cubs lost their next game to the Braves 3-1 and fell to second in the league to the Pirates. Just as the Cubs lost, the Cardinals and the Phillies faced off in a doubleheader that saw the Phillies win game one, 10-6 and the Cardinals even it up by winning the nightcap 28-6. By the end of July, the Phillies sat in last place, the Cardinals were 49-49 and sixteen games behind the Cubs, while the A’s were 72-26 but nine and a half games up ahead of the Yankees.
On August 7th, Don Larsen was born in Michigan City, IN. On the 11th, his future team the Yankees were looking for an hot run to leapfrog the A’s. Babe Ruth had 499 career home runs and was looking to become the first player to 500 as he galloped on the field for a game against the Indians in Cleveland. In his first at bat, his 500th home run sailed over the fences and almost hit a nearby man waiting for a bus. However, both the A’s and Yankees lost that day. That same week, the Yankees, always looking to get better, signed Pacific League phenom Lefty Gomez to an almost 40,000 $ deal. On the 24th, Mohammed Yasser Abdel Rahman Abdel Raouf Arafat al-Qudwa al Husseini received his first glimpse of the Earth in Cairo, Egypt. The next day, the New York Giants used the first public address system at a baseball game to announce the starting lineups.
On September 1, amateur Hank Greenberg signed with the Detroit Tigers, who were in fifth place in the league, twenty-six and a half games behind the 87-41 A’s. In the NL, the Cubs had enjoyed a safe eleven and a half game lead over the Pirates and the World Series already seemed set in place. Nine days later on the 10th, Arnold Palmer was born in Latrobe, PA. Through much of the previous month, Yankees manager Miller Huggins had lost weight and been sick. By the 20th of this month, he had checked into the hospital with erysipelas and was dead five days later.
As the season wound down several teams were faced with their own flaws and inconsistencies. On the last day of the season, 1906 World Series hero and Senators coach Nick Altrock hit a single in his yearly token at bat. He was 53 at this point and is still one of the oldest men in baseball to ever record a hit. Two days later, all eyes turned to the World’s Series set to open in Chicago.
The Cubs opponent were the Philadelphia Athletics, led by their manager Connie Mack. Mack had last managed in the postseason in 1914 and after his team’s heartbreaking loss dismantled the roster to stay afloat financially. After fifteen years of despair, he piloted a new dynasty to October. This year’s A’s team did have a forty-two-year-old holdover Eddie Collins on the bench but they featured catcher Mickey Cochrane (3.7 bWAR, .331 BA), first baseman Jimmie Foxx (7.9 bWAR, 1.088 OPS), and outfielder Al Simmons (7.9 bWAR, 1.040 OPS) as the core of their lineup. Their rotation was led by twenty-nine-year-old Lefty Grove, in the prime of his hall of fame career and Rube Walberg, George Earnshaw and forty-five-year-old starter Jack Quinn. None of these starters took the hill in game one however. In one of the most surprising decisions in World Series history, Mack chose thirty-five-year-old Howard Ehmke to pitch game one. Ehmke only pitched 55 innings through the year, but most of the A’s good starters were lefties and 8/9 of the Cubs lineup were lefties. In this era before batters’ eyes beyond the fences, Mack also chose Ehmke because his sidearm delivery might be difficult to pick up among the Wrigley bleacher crowd. Here is footage from the opening ceremonies of game one, a priceless glimpse into Wrigley and American life in that time.
Somewhere in that mess of a crowd was nine year old John Paul Stevens, future supreme court justice.. Here are his memories of the matchup:
"An elderly relief pitcher was brought in to start that game, and he struck out 13 Cubs," Stevens recalls. "And that was my first game, a tragic game for a young boy to go to and see in person!"
13 K’s was, at the time, a world series record. Ehmke was able to hold off the Cubs long enough for Jimmie Foxx to homer and the A’s to score two more runs in the ninth, taking game one on the road 3-0. The next afternoon, George Earnshaw held the Cubs scoreless through five as Jimmie Foxx hit another home run to compliment Simmons’ shot. The A’s won game two 9-3 as the series sped to Philadelphia. After an off day the series resumed on Friday the 11th, even though the A’s scored first it was the Cubs who won the game, 3-1. Game four would turn out to be the most exciting, absurd World Series matchups up to that date.
Mack sent forty-six-year-old Jack Quinn as his starter with Lefty Grove sitting pretty in his bullpen should things get out of hand. It was only 2-0 Cubs into the sixth, when Rogers Hornsby, Hack Wilson, Kiki Cuyler and Riggs Stephenson reeled off four straight singles. Rube Walberg raced in to clean up the mess but also yielded a Charlie Grimm single and Zack Taylor sac fly, which left the Cubs winning 7-0. This looked to be the turning point in the World Series- the road team had the advantage so far, and if the Cubs could hold on there would be a whole new series. The Cubs scored another run off Eddie Rommel in the top of the seventh, as the A’s offense continued to look nothing like the regular season juggernaut they were. As the teams changed sides in the 7th:
The Chicago Cubs’ Hack Wilson jogged out to his position in center field to start the home half of the seventh inning. Turning toward the diamond, he again took note of the late afternoon sun, which had descended to a point almost directly above Shibe Park’s double-decked grandstand behind home plate. The dazzling orb’s slanting rays were now aimed straight into his eyes. It had already made trouble for Wilson. Two innings earlier, in this fourth game of the 1929 World Series against the Philadelphia Athletics, he had dropped a fly ball after losing it in the October brightness. But he made a spectacular running, leaping grab of a deep fly off the bat of Joe Boley, the next batter. To many observers, it was one of the finest catches they’d ever seen in a World Series. Then, in the sixth, he had trouble with another ball because of the sun, but was able to corral it.
Al Simmons led off with a home run, Foxx smacked a single to right field. Bing Miller continued the damage with another single that Wilson lost in the sun. Cubs ace Charlie Root looked frazzled- but the lead was still safe. It was only 8-1. Then, the next two batters singled to put the score at 8-3. Root was removed anyway for Art Nehf, who gave up an inside the park to Mule Haas. This would be the last inside the park home run in World Series history until 2015. Now, in the span of a few minutes, the A’s were down 8-7. Cochrane walked as the Cubs spun “Sheriff” Blake to face the next batter, Jimmie Foxx, who knocked a single off him. The Cubs were obviously in desperation mode, so they rushed another pitcher Pat Malone to replace Blake. This didn’t really matter as he hit Bing Miller and yielded a double to Jimmy Dykes, which put the A’s up 10-8. This was the largest comeback in World Series history and the visitors were stunned. Malone recorded two strikeouts, and as the Cubs stalked back to their dugout fans must have entertained some semblance of hope of still winning the game- but then to start the 8th, Mack sent in Lefty Grove in relief. He breezed through the final few outs to give the A’s a commanding 3-1 series lead.
Declared Mack to his men after Game Four, “I’d just like to be able to express to you the things I feel. But I can’t. I’ll have to let it go at that.” To reporters he gushed, “I’ve never seen anything like that rally. There is nothing in baseball history to compare it with. It was the greatest display of punch and fighting ability I’ve ever seen on a field."
In the dejected Cubs clubhouse, McCarthy mumbled, “You can’t beat the sun, can you?” Then, in an effort to deflect blame from his star center fielder, he pointed out, “The poor kid simply lost the ball in the sun, and he didn’t put the sun there.”
Ed Burns of the Chicago Tribune wrote, “The greatest debacle, the most terrific flop in the history of the World Series. We’ve been looking at our score book for an hour now, thinking there must have been some horrible mistake, but ten she is folks.”
The Cubs hoped that tomorrow was going to be a brighter day- and that’s what it looked like when Grimm and Taylor singled off game one starter Ehmke to give the cubs a 2-0 lead, which they maintained heading into the final frame of the ninth. Starter Pat Malone was throwing a shutout, until a Mule Haas two-run home run tied the game up, heartbreakingly, with one out. Al Simmons hit a double- Foxx was intentionally walked, so it was up to Bing Miller to hit the walk off double to clinch the World’s Championship for the Philadelphia Athletics. The winner’s share was $5,621 and the dejected Cubbies walked away with $3,782. The day after the final game, economist Irving Fisher said stock prices were "what looks like a permanently high plateau". On the 16th, the stock market dipped more than 10% in some areas and the Dow Jones sank 3.2%. By the 21, so many transactions were spinning the sagging market that the ticker was an hour behind. In all this mayhem, Berkley, Ca welcomed a new resident: Ursula K. Le Guin. The next week, on the 28th, the Dow dropped 13% in what future generations would call “Black Monday”. The Dow dropped 12% on the 29th, and even interference from the Rockefeller family to aid the markets did not inspire confidence. This panic would eventually incite a full blown Depression. While many Americans were not sure of the horrors that lay ahead, “Iron Man” and future hall of famer Joe McGinnity died of bladder cancer on November 14.
STANDINGS
AL team W/L pythag record run diff
Philadelphia A’s 104-46 100-50 1.9
New York Yankees 88-66 87-67 1.4
Cleveland Indians 81-71 74-78 -0.1
St. Louis Browns 79-73 78-74 0.1
Washington Senators 71-81 72-80 -0.3
Detroit Tigers 70-84 77-77 0
Chicago White Sox 59-93 60-92 -1.1
Boston Red Sox 58-96 57-97 -1.1
NL STANDINGS
NL team W/L pythag record run diff
Chicago Cubs 98-54 94-58 1.4
Pittsburg Pirates 88-65 87-66 0.8
New York Giants 84-67 92-59 1.2
St. Louis Cardinals 78-74 78-74 0.2
Philadelphia Phillies 71-82 67-86 -0.9
Brooklyn Robbins 70-83 65-88 -0.9
Cincinnati Reds 66-88 70-84 -0.5
Boston Braves 56-98 57-97 -1.4
American Negro League
Negro League Team W/L
Baltimore Black Sox 55-25
New York Lincoln Giants 40-26
Hilldale Club 43-35
Homestead Grays 32-29
Atlantic City Bacharach Giants 21-50
Cuban Stars East 15-41
Negro National League
Negro League Team W/L
Kansas City Monarchs 63-17
St Louis Stars 56-34
Chicago American Giants 51-40
Detroit Stars 39-42
Birmingham Black Barrons 31-58
Cuban Stars West 17-37
Memphis Red Sox 23-52
Here is the statistical info for the negro leagues of that year, including WAR, detailed pitching stats, and MLB exhibition games
STATS
Player BA OPS+ wRC+
Ruth, Babe .345 193 184
Foxx, Jimmie .354 173 176
Hornsby, Rogers .380 178 174
Ott, Mel .328 165 162
Gehrig, Lou .300 165 161
Not mentioned: Lefty O’Doul (.398 BA, 169 OPS+), Babe Herman (.381 BA), Al Simmons (160 wRC+, .365 BA), Bill Terry (.372).
Player IP WHIP ERA+
Lucas, Red 270 1.204 127
Marberry, Firpo 250.1 1.206 139
Hubbell, Carl 268.0 1.269 124
Grove, Lefty 275.1 1.304 149
Grimes, Burleigh 306.2 1.354 154
Not mentioned: Dazy Vance (119 ERA+), Bill Walker (148 ERA+), Sam Gray (305 IP)
submitted by FederalLeagueMVP to baseball [link] [comments]


2019.12.02 01:40 Seijuki The Entire Bee Movie Script

The Entire Bee Movie Script
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 - “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos tiempos. BARRY I wonder what it’s going to be like? ADAM A little scary. Barry shakes Adam. BARRY AND ADAM AAHHHH! The tram passes under SIGNS READING: “Honex: A Division of Honesco: A Part of the Hexagon Group.” TRUDY Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco, and a part of the Hexagon group. BARRY This is it! The Honex doors OPEN, revealing the factory. BARRY (CONT’D) Wow. TRUDY We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive where our top secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this... Trudy GRABS a TEST TUBE OF HONEY from a technician. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 7. TRUDY (CONT’D) ...soothing, sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow, you all know as... EVERYONE ON THE TRAM (in unison) H-o-n-e-y. Trudy flips the flask into the crowd, and laughs as they all scramble for it. ANGLE ON: A GIRL BEE catching the honey. ADAM (sotto) That girl was hot. BARRY (sotto) She’s my cousin. ADAM She is? BARRY Yes, we’re all cousins. ADAM Right. You’re right. TRUDY At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress testing a new helmet technology. ANGLE ON: A STUNT BEE in a HELMET getting hit with a NEWSPAPER, then a SHOE, then a FLYSWATTER. He gets up, and gives a “thumb’s up”. The graduate bees APPLAUD. ADAM (re: stunt bee) What do you think he makes? BARRY Not enough. TRUDY And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 8. BARRY Wow, what does that do? TRUDY Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ANGLE ON: The Krelman machine. Bees with hand-shaped hats on, rotating around a wheel to catch drips of honey. Adam’s hand shoots up. ADAM Can anyone work on the Krelman? TRUDY Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. There are over 3000 different bee occupations. But choose carefully, because you’ll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life. The bees CHEER. ANGLE ON: Barry’s smile dropping slightly. BARRY The same job for the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. ADAM What’s the difference? TRUDY And you’ll be happy to know that bees as a species haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. BARRY So you’ll just work us to death? TRUDY (laughing) We’ll sure try. Everyone LAUGHS except Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 9. The tram drops down a log-flume type steep drop. Cameras flash, as all the bees throw up their hands. The frame freezes into a snapshot. Barry looks concerned. The tram continues through 2 doors. FORM DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 175 - “WALKING THE HIVE” INT. HONEX LOBBY ANGLE ON: The log-flume photo, as Barry looks at it. ADAM Wow. That blew my mind. BARRY (annoyed) “What’s the difference?” Adam, how could you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. ADAM Well, I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY But Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM Barry, why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. They walk by a newspaper stand with A SANDWICH BOARD READING: “Bee Goes Berserk: Stings Seven Then Self.” ANGLE ON: A BEE filling his car’s gas tank from a honey pump. He fills his car some, then takes a swig for himself. NEWSPAPER BEE (to the bee guzzling gas) Hey! Barry and Adam begin to cross the street. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 10. BARRY Yeah but Adam, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here? They stop in the middle of the street. The traffic moves perfectly around them. ADAM Like what? Give me one example. BARRY (thinks) ...I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BARRY They know what it’s like to go outside the hive. ADAM Yeah, but some of them don’t come back. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 11. The nectar from the pollen jocks is removed from their backpacks, and loaded into trucks on their way to Honex. A SMALL CROWD forms around the Patrol Bees. Each one has a PIT CREW that takes their nectar. Lou Loduca hurries a pit crew along: LOU LODUCA You guys did great! You’re monsters. You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! SCHOOL GIRLS are jumping up and down and squealing nearby. BARRY I wonder where those guys have just been? ADAM I don’t know. BARRY Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. ADAM You can’t just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. BARRY Right. Pollen Jocks cross in close proximity to Barry and Adam. Some pollen falls off, onto Barry and Adam. BARRY (CONT’D) Look at that. That’s more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime. ADAM (playing with the pollen) It’s just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it. BARRY Perhaps, unless you’re wearing it, and the ladies see you wearing it. ANGLE ON: Two girl bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 12. ADAM Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? BARRY Distant, distant. ANGLE ON: TWO POLLEN JOCKS. JACKSON Look at these two. SPLITZ Couple of Hive Harrys. JACKSON Let’s have some fun with them. The pollen jocks approach. Barry and Adam continue to talk to the girls. GIRL 1 It must be so dangerous being a pollen jock. BARRY Oh yeah, one time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom. He had one paw on my throat, and with the other he was slapping me back and forth across the face. GIRL 1 Oh my. BARRY I never thought I’d knock him out. GIRL 2 (to Adam) And what were you doing during all of this? ADAM Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. The girl swipes some pollen off of Adam with a finger. BARRY (re: pollen) I can autograph that if you want. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 13. JACKSON Little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? BARRY Yeah. Gusty. BUZZ You know, we’re going to hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY Six miles, huh? ADAM (whispering) Barry. BUZZ It’s a puddle-jump for us. But maybe you’re not up for it. BARRY Maybe I am. ADAM (whispering louder) You are not! BUZZ We’re going, oh-nine hundred at JGate. ADAM (re: j-gate) Whoa. BUZZ (leaning in, on top of Barry) What do you think, Buzzy Boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY I might be. It all depends on what oh-nine hundred means. CUT TO: SEQ. 450 - “THE BALCONY” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 14. INT. BENSON HOUSE BALCONY - LATER Barry is standing on the balcony alone, looking out over the city. Martin Benson ENTERS, sneaks up behind Barry and gooses him in his ribs. MARTIN BENSON Honex! BARRY Oh, Dad. You surprised me. MARTIN BENSON (laughing) Have you decided what you’re interested in, Son? BARRY Well, there’s a lot of choices. MARTIN BENSON But you only get one. Martin LAUGHS. BARRY Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN BENSON Son, let me tell you something about stirring. (making the stirring motion) You grab that stick and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. BARRY You know dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. MARTIN BENSON And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 15. BARRY Well no... MARTIN BENSON Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY I’m not trying to be funny. MARTIN BENSON You’re not funny, you’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer. JANET BENSON You’re going to be a stirrer?! BARRY No one’s listening to me. MARTIN BENSON Wait until you see the sticks I have for you. BARRY I can say anything I want right now. I’m going to get an ant tattoo. JANET BENSON Let’s open some fresh honey and celebrate. BARRY Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax! MARTIN BENSON (toasting) To honey! BARRY Shave my antennae! JANET BENSON To honey! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 16. BARRY Shack up with a grasshopper, get a gold tooth, and start calling everybody “Dawg.” CUT TO: SEQ. 760 - “JOB PLACEMENT” EXT. HONEX LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: A BEE BUS STOP. One group of bees stands on the pavement, as another group hovers above them. A doubledecker bus pulls up. The hovering bees get on the top level, and the standing bees get on the bottom. Barry and Adam pull up outside of Honex. ADAM I can’t believe we’re starting work today. BARRY Today’s the day. Adam jumps out of the car. ADAM (O.C) Come on. All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY Yeah, right... ANGLE ON: A BOARD READING: “JOB PLACEMENT BOARD”. Buzzwell, the Bee Processor, is at the counter. Another BEE APPLICANT, SANDY SHRIMPKIN is EXITING. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Is it still available? BUZZWELL Hang on. (he looks at changing numbers on the board) Two left. And...one of them’s yours. Congratulations Son, step to the side please. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 17. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Yeah! ADAM (to Sandy, leaving) What did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time it BOUNCES, the other bees cringe and GASP. ANGLE ON: Barry, terrified. Pure dumb luck, he’s not getting squished. BARRY (with each bounce) Very close...Gonna Hurt...Mamma’s little boy. SPLITZ You are way out of position, rookie. ANGLE ON: Vanessa serving. We see Barry and the ball up against the racket as she brings it back. She tosses the ball into the air; Barry’s eyes widen. The ball is STRUCK, and the rally is on. KEN Coming in at you like a missile! Ken HITS the ball back. Barry feels the g-forces. ANGLE ON: The Pollen Jocks watching Barry pass by them in SLOW MOTION. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 26. BARRY (in slow motion) Help me! JACKSON You know, I don't think these are flowers. SPLITZ Should we tell him? JACKSON I think he knows. BARRY (O.S) What is this?! Vanessa HITS a high arcing lob. Ken waits, poised for the return. We see Barry having trouble maneuvering the ball from fatigue. KEN (overly confident) Match point! ANGLE ON: Ken running up. He has a killer look in his eyes. He’s going to hit the ultimate overhead smash. KEN (CONT'D) You can just start packing up Honey, because I believe you’re about to eat it! ANGLE ON: Pollen Jocks. JACKSON Ahem! Ken is distracted by the jock. KEN What? No! He misses badly. The ball rockets into oblivion. Barry is still hanging on. ANGLE ON: Ken, berating himself. KEN (CONT’D) Oh, you cannot be serious. We hear the ball WHISTLING, and Barry SCREAMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 27. BARRY Yowser!!! SEQ. 1000 - “SUV” The ball flies through the air, and lands in the middle of the street. It bounces into the street again, and sticks in the grille of an SUV. INT. CAR ENGINE - CONTINUOUS BARRY’S POV: the grille of the SUV sucks him up. He tumbles through a black tunnel, whirling vanes, and pistons. BARRY AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OHHHH!! EECHHH!! AHHHHHH!! Barry gets chilled by the A/C system, and sees a frozen grasshopper. BARRY (CONT’D) (re: grasshopper) Eww, gross. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS The car is packed with a typical suburban family: MOTHER, FATHER, eight-year old BOY, LITTLE GIRL in a car seat and a GRANDMOTHER. A big slobbery DOG is behind a grate. Barry pops into the passenger compartment, hitting the Mother’s magazine. MOTHER There’s a bee in the car! They all notice the bee and start SCREAMING. BARRY Aaahhhh! Barry tumbles around the car. We see the faces from his POV. MOTHER Do something! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 28. FATHER I’m driving! Barry flies by the little girl in her CAR SEAT. She waves hello. LITTLE GIRL Hi, bee. SON He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! The car SWERVES around the road. Barry flies into the back, where the slobbery dog SNAPS at him. Barry deftly avoids the jaws and gross, flying SPITTLE. MOTHER Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! Everyone in the car freezes. Barry freezes. They stare at each other, eyes going back and forth, waiting to see who will make the first move. Barry blinks. GRANNY He blinked! Granny pulls out a can of HAIR SPRAY. SON Spray him, Granny! Granny sprays the hair spray everywhere. FATHER What are you doing? GRANNY It’s hair spray! Extra hold! MOTHER Kill it! Barry gets sprayed back by the hair spray, then sucked out of the sunroof. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 29. EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS BARRY Wow. The tension level out here is unbelievable. I’ve got to get home. As Barry flies down the street, it starts to RAIN. He nimbly avoids the rain at first. BARRY (CONT’D) Whoa. Whoa! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in-- A couple of drops hit him, his wings go limp and he starts falling. BARRY (CONT'D) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Barry sees a window ledge and aims for it and just makes it. Shivering and exhausted, he crawls into an open window as it CLOSES. SEQ. 1100 - “VANESSA SAVES BARRY” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Inside the window, Barry SHAKES off the rain like a dog. Vanessa, Ken, Andy, and Anna ENTER the apartment. VANESSA Ken, can you close the window please? KEN Huh? Oh. (to Andy) Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? It folds out. Ken holds up his brochure, with photos of himself, and a resume in the middle. ANGLE ON: Barry hiding behind the curtains, as Ken CLOSES THE WINDOW. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 30. BARRY Oh no, more humans. I don’t need this. Barry HOVERS up into the air and THROWS himself into the glass. BARRY (CONT’D) (dazed) Ow! What was that? He does it again, and then multiple more times. BARRY (CONT'D) Maybe this time...this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time. Barry JUMPS onto the drapes. BARRY (CONT'D) (out of breath) Drapes! (then, re: glass) That is diabolical. KEN It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top ten favorite movies. ANDY What’s your number one? Star Wars? KEN Ah, I don’t go for that, (makes Star Wars noises), kind of stuff. ANGLE ON: Barry. BARRY No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They’re out of their minds. KEN When I walk out of a job interview they’re flabbergasted. They can’t believe the things I say. Barry looks around and sees the LIGHT BULB FIXTURE in the middle of the ceiling. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 31. BARRY (re: light bulb) Oh, there’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. Barry takes off and heads straight for the light bulb. His POV: The seventy-five watt label grows as he gets closer. BARRY (CONT’D) I don’t remember the sun having a big seventy five on it. Barry HITS the bulb and is KNOCKED SILLY. He falls into a BOWL OF GUACAMOLE. Andy dips his chip in the guacamole, taking Barry with it. ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy. KEN I’ll tell you what. You know what? I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Barry’s POV: Giant human mouth opening. KEN (CONT’D) Wait! Stop! Beeeeeee! ANNA Kill it! Kill it! They all JUMP up from their chairs. Andy looks around for something to use. Ken comes in for the kill with a big TIMBERLAND BOOT on each hand. KEN Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa ENTERS, and stops Ken from squashing Barry. VANESSA (grabs Ken’s arm) Wait. Don’t kill him. CLOSE UP: on Barry’s puzzled face. KEN You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 32. VANESSA Why does his life have any less value than yours? She takes a GLASS TUMBLER and places it over Barry. KEN Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA I’m just saying, all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. Barry looks up through the glass and watches this conversation, astounded. Vanessa RIPS Ken’s resume in half and SLIDES it under the glass. KEN (wistful) My brochure. There’s a moment of eye contact as she carries Barry to the window. She opens it and sets him free. VANESSA There you go, little guy. KEN (O.C) I’m not scared of them. But, you know, it’s an allergic thing. ANDY (O.C) * Hey, why don’t you put that on your * resume-brochure? * KEN (O.C) It’s not funny, my whole face could puff up. ANDY (O.C) Make it one of your “Special Skills.” KEN (O.C) You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 33. EXT. WINDOWSILL - CONTINUOUS Barry stares over the window frame. He can’t believe what’s just happened. It is still RAINING. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1200 - “BARRY SPEAKS” EXT. WINDOWSILL - LATER Barry is still staring through the window. Inside, everyone’s saying their good-byes. KEN Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA Uh, yeah sure Ken. You know, whatever. KEN You can put carob chips on there. VANESSA Good night. KEN (as he exits) Supposed to be less calories, or something. VANESSA Bye. She shuts the door. Vanessa starts cleaning up. BARRY I’ve got to say something. She saved my life. I’ve got to say something. Alright, here it goes. Barry flies in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 34. INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Barry hides himself on different PRODUCTS placed along the kitchen shelves. He hides on a Bumblebee Tuna can, and a “Greetings From Coney Island” MUSCLE-MAN POSTCARD on the fridge. BARRY (on fridge) What would I say? (landing on a bottle) I could really get in trouble. He stands looking at Vanessa. BARRY (CONT'D) It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it! Come on! No, yes, no, do it! I can’t. How should I start it? You like jazz? No, that’s no good. Here she comes. Speak, you fool. As Vanessa walks by, Barry takes a DEEP BREATH. BARRY (CONT’D) (cheerful) Umm...hi. Vanessa DROPS A STACK OF DISHES, and HOPS BACK. BARRY (CONT’D) I’m sorry. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY Yes, I know, I know. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. VANESSA It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s just, I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t recall going to bed. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 35. BARRY Well, you know I’m sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA Well yeah. I mean this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean...you’re a bee. BARRY Yeah, I am a bee, and you know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me and if it wasn’t for you...I mean, I had to thank you. It’s just the way I was raised. Vanessa intentionally JABS her hand with a FORK. VANESSA Ow! BARRY That was a little weird. VANESSA (to herself) I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Anyway... VANESSA And a bee is talking to me... BARRY I just want you to know that I’m grateful, and I’m going to leave now. VANESSA Wait, wait, wait, wait, how did you learn to do that? BARRY What? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 36. VANESSA The talking thing. BARRY Same way you did, I guess. Mama, Dada, honey, you pick it up. VANESSA That’s very funny. BARRY Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. With what we have to deal with. Vanessa LAUGHS. BARRY (CONT’D) Anyway. VANESSA Can I, uh, get you something? BARRY Like what? VANESSA I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know. Coffee? BARRY Well, uh, I don’t want to put you out. VANESSA It’s no trouble. BARRY Unless you’re making anyway. VANESSA Oh, it takes two minutes. BARRY Really? VANESSA It’s just coffee. BARRY I hate to impose. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 37. VANESSA Don’t be ridiculous. BARRY Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA Hey, you want a little rum cake? BARRY I really shouldn’t. VANESSA Have a little rum cake. BARRY No, no, no, I can’t. VANESSA Oh, come on. BARRY You know, I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms here. VANESSA Where? BARRY Well... These stripes don’t help. VANESSA You look great. BARRY I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Vanessa starts POURING the coffee through an imaginary cup and directly onto the floor. BARRY (CONT'D) Are you alright? VANESSA No. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1300 - “ROOFTOP COFFEE” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 38. EXT. VANESSA’S ROOF - LATER Barry and Vanessa are drinking coffee on her roof terrace. He is perched on her keychain. BARRY ...He can’t get a taxi. He’s making the tie in the cab, as they’re flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY He runs up the steps into the church, the wedding is on... VANESSA Yeah? BARRY ...and he says, watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY Why would I marry a watermelon? Barry laughs. Vanessa doesn’t. VANESSA Oh! Is that, uh, a bee joke? BARRY Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff that we do. VANESSA Yeah, different. A BEAT. VANESSA (CONT’D) So anyway...what are you going to do, Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 39. BARRY About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. VANESSA I know how you feel. BARRY You do? VANESSA Sure, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY Really? VANESSA My only interest is flowers. BARRY Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. VANESSA Oh. BARRY Anyway, see there’s my hive, right there. You can see it. VANESSA Oh, you’re in Sheep Meadow. BARRY (excited) Yes! You know the turtle pond? VANESSA Yes? BARRY I’m right off of that. VANESSA Oh, no way. I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe-ring there once? BARRY Really? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 40. VANESSA Yes. BARRY Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA Why not? BARRY I don’t know. It’s like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA Really? Okay. A JANITOR in the background changes a LIGHTBULB. To him, it appears that Vanessa is talking to an imaginary friend. JANITOR You all right, ma’am? VANESSA Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. BARRY Anyway, this has been great. (wiping his mouth) Thanks for the coffee. Barry gazes at Vanessa. VANESSA Oh yeah, it’s no trouble. BARRY Sorry I couldn’t finish it. Vanessa giggles. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: coffee) If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Ummm. Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA Sure. Here, have a crumb. She takes a CRUMB from the plate and hands it to Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 41. BARRY (a little dreamy) Oh, thanks. VANESSA Yeah. There is an awkward pause. BARRY Alright, well then, I guess I’ll see you around, or not, or... VANESSA Okay Barry. BARRY And thank you so much again, for before. VANESSA Oh that? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA Oh, that was nothing. BARRY Well, not nothing, but, anyway... Vanessa extends her hand, and shakes Barry’s gingerly. The Janitor watches. The lightbulb shorts out. The Janitor FALLS. CUT TO: SEQ. 1400 - “HONEX” INT. HONEX BUILDING - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: A TEST BEE WEARING A PARACHUTE is in a wind tunnel, hovering through increasingly heavy wind. SIGNS UNDER A FLASHING LIGHT READ: “Test In Progress” & “Hurricane Survival Test”. 2 BEES IN A LAB COATS are observing behind glass. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 42. LAB COAT BEE 1 This can’t possibly work. LAB COAT BEE 2 Well, he’s all set to go, we may as well try it. (into the mic) Okay Dave, pull the chute. The test bee opens his parachute. He’s instantly blown against the rear wall. Adam and Barry ENTER. ADAM Sounds amazing. BARRY Oh, it was amazing. It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. ADAM Humans! Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant scary humans! What were they like? BARRY Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. ADAM And do they try and kill you like on TV? BARRY Some of them. But some of them don’t. ADAM How’d you get back? BARRY Poodle. ADAM Look, you did it. And I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, you had your “experience”, and now you’re back, you can pick out your job, and everything can be normal. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 43. ANGLE ON: LAB BEES examining a CANDY CORN through a microscope. BARRY Well... ADAM Well? BARRY Well, I met someone. ADAM You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? BARRY Mmm. ADAM Not a WASP? Your parents will kill you. BARRY No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM Spider? BARRY You know, I’m not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it’s like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. Barry makes a spider face. ADAM So, who is she? BARRY She’s a human. ADAM Oh no, no, no, no. That didn’t happen. You didn’t do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. BARRY Her name’s Vanessa. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 44. ADAM Oh, oh boy! BARRY She’s so-o nice. And she’s a florist! ADAM Oh, no. No, no, no! You’re dating a human florist? BARRY We’re not dating. ADAM You’re flying outside the hive. You’re talking to human beings that attack our homes with power washers and M-80’s. That’s 1/8 of a stick of dynamite. BARRY She saved my life. And she understands me. ADAM This is over. Barry pulls out the crumb. BARRY Eat this. Barry stuffs the crumb into Adam’s face. ADAM This is not over. What was that? BARRY They call it a crumb. ADAM That was SO STINGING STRIPEY! BARRY And that’s not even what they eat. That just falls off what they eat. Do you know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM No. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 45. BARRY It’s bread... ADAM Come in here! BARRY and cinnamon, ADAM Be quiet! BARRY and frosting...they heat it up-- ADAM Sit down! INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS BARRY Really hot! ADAM Listen to me! We are not them. We’re us. There’s us and there’s them. BARRY Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning... Barry rolls his chair down the corridor. ADAM There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. ANOTHER BEE JOINS IN. ANOTHER BEE Thinking bee. WIDER SHOT AS A 3RD BEE ENTERS, popping up over the cubicle wall. 3RD BEE Thinking bee. EVEN WIDER SHOT AS ALL THE BEES JOIN IN. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 46. OTHER BEES Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee.
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2019.10.21 18:09 straydog77 41 Inaccuracies from the "Carnes Ruling" (The Wolf v. Ramsey civil case, 2003) - PART 2

This post is Part 2 of 2 [Part 1 found here]

The Inaccuracies (Continued)

21. The writer [of the ransom note] does not appear to have been trying to disguise his or her handwriting.
This is nothing but a statement of opinion, and multiple handwriting analysts (including Chet Ubowski and Leonard Speckin) claim the exact opposite.
22. During the investigation, the Boulder Police Department and Boulder County District Attorney's Office consulted at least six handwriting experts….. All six experts agreed that Mr. Ramsey could be eliminated as the author of the Ransom Note [Carnes uses capital letters for some reason] … None of the six consulted experts identified Mrs. Ramsey as the author of the Ransom Note. … Rather, the experts' consensus was that she "probably did not" write the Ransom Note.
Carnes’ statement about the six experts’ involvement in the case is false. In fact, it’s one of her most outrageous errors, because two of those six experts were in fact people hired by the Ramseys. The four experts consulted by the Boulder Police were Chet Ubowski, Leonard Speckin, Edwin Alford, and Richard Dusak. The other two, Lloyd Cunningham and Howard Rile, were hired by the Ramseys, and were introduced to the DA’s investigators at the suggestion of the Ramseys’ lawyers.
Does it seem fair to you say that the “District Attorney’s office consulted” these experts, without mentioning the key detail that those experts were hired by the suspects’ attorneys, and then brought into the DA’s office by those attorneys? Carnes falsely creates the impression that these were independent experts consulted by the DA’s office, while in fact, they were on the payroll of the Ramseys.
Carnes’ characterization of what the “six experts” concluded about the handwriting is also extremely misleading. Her statement that “none of the six consulted experts identified Mrs. Ramsey as the author of the Ransom Note” is false. Two of the experts have gone on the record expressing their strong opinion that Patsy wrote the note.
Chet Ubowski stated on numerous occasions his belief that Patsy Ramsey wrote the ransom note. At one meeting with police, Ubowski stated “I believe she wrote it”. Police officers Steve Thomas, Tom Trujillo, Tom Wickman and John Eller were all present. According to Steve Thomas, “disguised letters and the bleeding of the ink prevented [Ubowski from making] a conclusive determination that could be stated in court”.
Leonard Speckin also identified Patsy’s writing habits and letter forms in the note. Here is a video of Leonard Speckin in which he strongly implies his belief that Patsy wrote the note. In spite of this, Speckin’s official finding was “lack of indications”.
The two other experts consulted by the BPD both returned the same officially-worded finding - “lack of indications”, meaning they could not positively identify her in court. Neither of them eliminated her as the author.
Carnes’ claim that “the experts' consensus was that she "probably did not" write the Ransom Note” is completely false. The experts listed here were consulted separately - they did not confer together at any point and did not reach any kind of “consensus”. The word “consensus” comes direct from Lou Smit’s inaccurate testimony. The phrase “probably did not” was only ever used by one person - Howard Rile, one of the analysts hired by the Ramseys’ defense team. There is absolutely no indication that any of the experts consulted by police endorsed Rile’s conclusion. The portrayal of his statement as a “consensus” by all experts consulted on this matter is a blatant falsehood.
Carnes also conveniently ignores the circumstances in which that note was “discovered”. As Leonard Speckin put it, “there was only an infinitesimal chance that some random intruder would have handwriting characteristics so remarkably similar to those of a parent sleeping upstairs”. The fact that the person who claimed to find that note also could not be eliminated as its writer is significant. The fact that the note itself claimed to be written by a “foreign” terrorist organization, which did not exist, is also significant. The fact that the note was also revealed to be written on that same person’s notepad, with that person’s pen, in that person’s house, is also significant. Patsy Ramsey is not a random woman pulled off the street who happened to have a few similar handwriting features to a note she had never seen before. It seems strange that Carnes decides to exclude all context and circumstances from her discussion of the handwriting.
It is also worth noting that not one of the “six experts” actually testified in the Carnes case--their conclusions were reported second-hand by the Ramseys’ lawyers and Lou Smit. In fact, Carnes’ statements about these “six experts” appear to be lifted directly from Smit’s testimony. Smit himself even admitted he had “no basis to know whether or not the methodology that was used [by the handwriting analysts] was correct or not correct”. Smit was also compelled to admit that even if handwriting analysts positively identified Patsy as the note-writer, it would not change his theory of the crime, because “I don't personally believe in handwriting”. Once again, it appears that Carnes has accepted Smit’s highly-questionable claims without making any attempt to verify them.
Two handwriting experts hired by Chris Wolf’s team were not permitted by Carnes to testify in this case. Both identified Patsy Ramsey as the writer of the note.
23. The police did not request to interview defendants separately on the day that JonBenet's body was found.
This is not accurate. Half an hour after Jonbenet's body was found, police officer Bill Mason overheard John Ramsey scheduling a private plane to leave the state that same day. Bill Mason told him he could not do that, specifically because police needed to interview the Ramseys formally. He also requested that the Ramseys go to a hotel that evening specifically so that they could be interviewed separately, and John Ramsey refused, famously saying, “Give us a day.”
The Ramseys were made well aware of the need to be interviewed separately (indeed, mere common sense would have informed them of the need for separate interviews) on day one. Yet it didn’t happen for months.
24. They did, however, question defendants jointly at various times on December 26, 27 and 28.
Police did not question the Ramseys at any point on December 28.
The Ramseys did answer a few basic questions asked by officers at the scene on the morning of December 26, when the crime was still considered a kidnapping. At 2:35 pm the Ramseys went to a friend's house and were not questioned again that day.
On December 27, police did not speak to John Ramsey until 9:30 pm, when they attempted to arrange formal interviews for the following day. Patsy did not speak to them at all. John spoke to them for a few minutes about the basement window, and informed them they would be leaving the state in two days and did not know when they would be back.
On December 29, as police were still desperately attempting to talk to them, the Ramseys flew out of state and questioning did not occur for four months.
The overall implication created by Carnes’ statement here (that the Ramseys were fully cooperative during the first three days of the investigation) is contradicted by all the police officers who worked on the case. Again, the source of this statement seems to be the Ramseys’ defense team, who have chosen to characterize brief conversations with the Ramseys as “police questioning”.
It is important to remember that 125 days elapsed before the first formal police questioning took place. 125 days elapsed before a single statement by John or Patsy Ramsey was recorded on tape (which means they were able to deny many of their previous statements which had been transcribed by police officers). During those 125 days the Ramseys left the state, appeared on CNN for an interview, and took a vacation in Spain. At one point during these 125 days, police flew to Atlanta specifically to speak to the Ramseys, and the Ramseys flew out of Atlanta the same day.
25. During the course of the investigation, defendants signed over one hundred releases for information requested by the police, and provided all evidence and information requested by the police.
This too is patently false. It is a material fact that several pieces of evidence requested by police were never provided.
The District Attorney's office refused to grant search warrants and subpoenas for these basic pieces of evidence. The Ramseys could have provided these things voluntarily but they chose not to. In fact, one of the Ramseys’ refusals to provide evidence is actually captured on tape. Ramseys’ attorney Bryan Morgan in the 1998 interviews:
"I have a real problem with certain kinds of medical records. These people are entitled to an island of privacy privacy to try to recover from what they have been through, and that's a very serious issue for me, so we are going to discuss that and make a reasoned decision on it. [...] I think you will get virtually everything you have described, with the possible exception of personal medical records that I think John and Patsy are at least entitled to make a reasoned decision on”. […] I’ve already discussed these matters with [Pete] Hoffstrom and he knows how we operate." [He is referring to Burke Ramsey’s medical records.]
To quote Detective Steve Thomas, “There is evidence that was critical to the investigation, that to this day has never been collected, because neither search warrants nor other means were supported to do so [...] investigative efforts were rebuffed, my search warrant affidavits and attempts to gather evidence in the murder investigation of a six year old child were met with refusals."
26. Despite widespread criticism that defendants failed to cooperate in the murder investigation, defendants note that they agreed, on at least three occasions, to be interviewed separately by representatives of the police or the Boulder County District Attorney's Office.
The Ramseys agreed to be interviewed on exactly three occasions. Carnes’ implication (that this disproves the assertion that they “failed to cooperate”) is misleading. Agreeing to interviews on three occasions does not negate the numerous other occasions on which the Ramseys refused to participate in interviews, or their persistent attempts to set up prohibitive conditions for those interviews.
The fact is, after refusing to cooperate for four months (a period in which they not only left Colorado, but left the country on vacation) the Ramseys agreed to be interviewed once by police in 1997. In 1998, they agreed to be interviewed by the DA's office investigators, expressly stipulating that the Boulder Police Department should not be allowed to participate in those interviews. In 2000 they agreed to be interviewed by investigators "without any conditions", but almost every single question was objected to by their lawyer Lin Wood, who also stipulated they weren't allowed to be asked about anything they had been asked about previously. Investigator Mike Kane commented on numerous occasions during those interviews that Mr Wood was making a mockery of the proceedings, and that it was clear the interviews were nothing more than a publicity stunt for the Ramseys.
Saying that the Ramseys’ three interviews prove they were cooperative is a little like saying an alcoholic never had a drinking problem because they abstained from alcohol for three weeks out of a year.
27. District Attorney Alex Hunter decided to convene a grand jury to investigate the murder of JonBenet and possibly bring charges. On October 13, 1999, the grand jury was discharged by District Attorney Hunter with no indictment issued. The District Attorney, and all other prosecutors involved in the proceedings, believed at that time that there was insufficient evidence to bring charges against any person, including defendants, in connection with the murder.
The Grand Jury actually voted to charge both John and Patsy Ramsey with “child abuse resulting in death” and “accessory-after-the-fact to first degree murder”. It seems strange to mention the Grand Jury without mentioning the conclusions they reached after months of hard work and consideration of testimony and documents extending far beyond the Carnes case.
28. at least seven windows and one door were found "open" on the morning of December 26, 1997. [Carnes notes that “the term ‘open’ was not defined. It is, therefore, not clear if the entrances were ajar or unlocked.”]
The windows--I have tried to find out where these "seven open windows" were located, but nobody seems to know. In the 23 years since this crime, intruder theorists have only ever suggested one window (the basement window in the train room) as a viable entry point for the intruder. I know one other small window was open on a different side of the basement so that Patsy could plug in her Christmas lights - but this was a small window with bars over it and a person could not possibly have entered through it. Whatever these five other windows were, nobody has ever suggested any of them as a practical entry point for an intruder. This fact is also evident in the crime scene photos and videos. So I'm not sure why Carnes is treating them as relevant.
The notion of "one door" being found "open" comes from Lou Smit's inaccurate testimony. Smit falsely claims that family friend John Fernie found the door open. Smit says Fernie “arrived there shortly after 6:00. When he arrived there, he told his wife that the door to the butler -- the butler door was open."
In fact, according to sworn testimony by John Fernie himself, which he gave in a different case: "I drove my car into the--up the alley and parked in the back of the house, and went around to the patio door, which was a glass door leading into the kitchen and back of the house [...] The door was locked."
A photograph does exist in the police files of the “butler door” and it is open, but Lou Smit is the only one who said this means the door was “found open”. (And remember, Smit wasn’t involved until three months later). It would be physically impossible for that photograph to have been taken before several police officers and family friends had already been moving through the house, so it’s dishonest to present it as evidence that a door was open when cops first arrived. None of the reports from anyone who was there that morning mention a door being open when they arrived and even John Ramsey specifically told police “all the doors were locked”.
This is yet another “statement of material fact” that is seriously contested, and based on nothing more than a Lou Smit theory (which he, in turn, seems to have been based on a misunderstanding of John Fernie’s statements). Smit’s theory was not even introduced into the investigation until at least three months after the day the body was found.
It’s also worth mentioning that Lou Smit’s theory is based on someone “gaining entry” through the basement window, though basic common sense tells us the suitcase could only have been placed under the window by somebody already inside the home. Lou Smit occasionally suggested that the intruder also used the basement window to exit the home, referring for example to a “tiny pea sized piece of glass [on the suitcase] which could have come off the shoe of the intruder” and saying the suitcase “would make it much easier to get out of that basement”. So it’s unclear what role, if any, the butler door actually plays in Smit’s theory. It seems that Smit can’t make up his mind on which mode of exit was used by his intruder--the door or the window--so he asserts both at different times.
29. The leaves and white styrofoam packing peanuts that had pooled in the window-well appeared to have been cleared from, or brushed to either side of, the center window's sill in the well.
Another of Lou Smit's unproven theories - again, it is disputed by the police and numerous independent investigators, and should not be presented as an uncontested fact.
Carnes neglects to mention the physical evidence contradicting Smit’s theory. Notably, the first police officers on the scene “examined the steel grate that covered the window well and found undisturbed cobwebs still attached from the grate to the bricks. The foliage around the grate also appeared undisturbed” (Thomas, Inside the Ramsey Murder Investigation). Both Sergeant Tom Wickman and Detective Mike Everrett saw “at least three strands” of this spiderweb. There were also cobwebs in the corner of the window frame, as well as an undisturbed “rectangular piece of glass” resting near the middle of the exterior window sill, and “a collection of pine needles and leaves on the top of the grate” (Kolar, Foreign Faction). To enter that window without disturbing any of these things would be impossible.
Carnes also neglects to mention Smit's long history of trying to find “intruder evidence” in this area. Initially he identified a "footprint", which Boulder police demonstrated to be a blemish on the concrete. Just two years before the Ramsey case, Smit had solved the kidnapping and murder of a young girl by identifying a fingerprint on a window-screen. It is obvious that he was trying, unsuccessfully, to use the same methodology in the Ramsey case.
Even if we put aside the argument about the cobwebs, Smit himself admits he cannot prove that any disturbance was recent. John Ramsey himself admitted breaking that window and climbing through it during the summer. Lou Smit acknowledges that even if the debris was “disturbed”, he could not prove “that a person went through that window that night”.
30. Leaves and debris, consistent with the leaves and debris found in the window well, were found on the floor under the broken window suggesting that someone had actually entered the basement through this window.
The crime scene video and photos do not depict any leaves and debris on the floor under the window. Again this comes from a Lou Smit quote (“there are leaves and debris on the floor") which apparently nobody attempted to fact-check. Lou Smit was not present at the original crime scene and had no involvement in the case during the first three months.
31. Likewise, a leaf and white styro-foam packing peanuts, consistent with the leaves and packing peanuts found pooled in the window-well, were found in the wine-cellar room of the basement where JonBenet's body was discovered.
This originates from another statement by Lou Smit: "A lab report indicates a piece of popcorn-type material was found in the wine cellar. [...] There are not hundreds of pieces of popcorn in there. But what appears to me that could be the popcorn, and I don't know this for a fact, only by going by the lab report, but right in this area there is what appears to be perhaps a Styrofoam popcorn peanut."
Based on Smit’s highly uncertain language here, do you think it sounds like this is a statement of material fact? The fact that he says “I don’t know this for a fact” is a pretty big clue that he is putting forward a theory. Carnes, who claims to know the difference between “hard evidence, as opposed to theories”, goes right ahead and changes Smit’s statement into the much-more-definitive-sounding “packing peanuts … found in the wine cellar”.
32. The end portion of the paintbrush and the cord used to construct the garrote were never found in the house, or elsewhere, nor was the latter sourced to defendants … the sources for the duct tape and cord used in the crime were never located, nor sourced, to defendants' home.
We know that the home was searched and we have search warrant inventories that list every single item taken from that home. We cannot state as a fact that police literally searched through every single inch of that home. The crime scene videos attest to the clutter in that home. The “end portion of the paintbrush” was not considered an important detail during the first days of the investigation--police were simply not searching for it--thus it could easily have been missed. Also, the Ramseys themselves were not physically searched before leaving the home - we therefore have no idea what may or may not have been in their pockets, handbags, etc. We also know for a fact that Patsy’s sister Pam removed several suitcases and boxes full of items from the crime scene on December 28. John Ramsey was later overheard asking if she had picked up his golf bag.
Carnes’ implication here is that police determined definitively that the items were not in the home, and could not have originated in the home. That is false. The notion that every single item in a person’s home is traceable to some other item in their home is an obvious fallacy.
33. Some wood fragments from the paintbrush used to create the garotte were found in JonBenet's vagina.
“Wood fragments” is a misleading term. Analysis of a slide of vaginal tissue under a microscope revealed that “a small number of red blood cells is present on the eroded surface, as is birefringent foreign material”. This “birefringent foreign material” was later determined to be “cellulose”, which could be wood. The material was not definitively confirmed to be from the paintbrush, though James Kolar has noted that it was “consistent” with the paintbrush.
34. Given the existence of undisputed evidence that JonBenet was sexually assaulted and the discovery of DNA evidence on her person from an unidentified male--as well as no DNA from any Ramsey--the defendants argue that the inference of an intruder becomes almost insurmountable.
There was no DNA recovered from Jonbenet’s body. The lack of family members’ DNA on her clothing tells us nothing of material value, since we know for a fact John Ramsey carried and held Jonbenet’s body after finding it, and Patsy threw herself over it. Both parents claimed to have been in close personal contact with Jonbenet before her death as well.
35. Although plaintiff disputes that a stun gun was used in the murder, he has failed to produce any evidence to suggest what caused the burn like marks on Jon-Benet. [...] the autopsy report clearly shows reddish, burn-type marks on Jon-Benet's neck and back.
This is a great example of how the “material facts” were skewed in this case. The plaintiff (Chris Wolf) had to suggest some other cause for the “burn like marks” (which were actually abrasions), otherwise it would be accepted as fact that it was a stun gun.
Wolf should simply have been able to point to the autopsy report which clearly states the marks are “abrasions” - and that “burn like marks” was an inaccurate and misleading term. The burden of proof should never have been on Chris Wolf to prove that they were not burn marks, especially since the autopsy specifically called them abrasions.
There are, by the way, hundreds of potential explanations for how abrasions could have been ended up on Jonbenet’s body. Pieces of “broken glass” and broken Christmas ornaments were found on the wine cellar floor (and unlike Smit’s evidence, are actually listed on the search warrants). Any of these could have caused an abrasion when the body was dragged or put down on the floor. It also could have been an impact abrasion incurred when she was attacked. James Kolar has even suggested train tracks could have created them. The assumption that those marks have some special significance to this crime is a theory that did not exist until Lou Smit got involved.
36. Detective Smit … has also testified that he has been unable to find any motive for defendants to murder their daughter.
There are thousands of possible motives that may cause a parent to murder their child. Smit has proposed no particular reason why none those motives could apply to the Ramseys, other than a subjective judgment about what “type of people” the Ramseys were (“a loving, caring, religious family that is very close”).
As any sensible investigator knows, the absence of a documented criminal history does not prove that a person could not have committed a crime, and definitely should not stand in the way of the physical evidence. Furthermore, child sexual abuse is vastly underreported. It is an invisible crime. A hidden crime. The exposure of multiple child sexual abuse scandals in recent years, some dating back more than 50 years, is a good example of how abuse slips under the radar.
Dr Suzanne Bernhard from the Boulder Department of Social Services, who interviewed Burke Ramsey shortly after the crime, observed clear indicators of a “dysfunctional environment” in his responses (though she did not think Burke was the killer). According to this expert's opinion, there was something hidden behind the Ramseys’ squeaky-clean public face.
The revelation that Burke Ramsey was diagnosed at age 12 with Attention Deficit Disorder is further indication that the Ramseys were prepared to lie and cover up any aspect of their family that was not “normal and perfect”. There is no indication that Carnes, Smit, or even the Boulder Police, were made aware of Burke’s behavioral disorder at any point in the investigation.
37. Defendants were prominent in the community and had thrown several large events at their home, thereby providing a large number of people the opportunity to learn the house's floor plan.
The general public was never invited into the basement of the Ramseys’ home, which was cluttered with literal heaps of broken and disused garbage strewn about on the floor. A very small number of people would have sufficient opportunity to “learn the floorplan” of that particular level of the house - which is where a large part of this crime occurred.
Housekeeper Linda Hoffman Pugh said herself she did not even know the wine cellar existed, and she had spent more time than anybody other than the family themselves on all the floors of that house. It was an extremely cluttered, large, complex house, and the notion that “a large number of people” had an opportunity to “learn the house’s floor plan” is absurd.
38. News articles were published that detailed the company's financial success and mentioned Mr. Ramsey in great detail.
He was not mentioned in "great detail". His daughter was not mentioned. His address was not mentioned. The crucial details from the note - John’s time living in the south, and the amount of his Christmas bonus - were not mentioned in any of these articles.
39. A neighbor heard the sound of screams.
Neighbor Melody Stanton reported hearing one scream - “a child's scream that lasted 3 to 5 seconds”. Stanton also told police “It may not have been an audible scream but rather the negative energy radiating from JonBenét.” No other neighbors reported hearing the scream.
Multiple screams would be suggestive of an ongoing struggle/torture. The only person in this entire investigation, who has ever used the word “screams” in the plural to refer to what Melody Stanton heard, is the Ramseys’ lawyer Lin Wood, in a question to Lou Smit. Even Smit immediately corrects Wood to “a scream”.
How on earth did this inaccurate statement from Lin Wood’s question find its way into Judge Carnes’ verdict as a statement of fact?
40. Relying solely on the testimony of Mr. Thomas, who has no apparent expertise as a medical examiner, plaintiff fixes the time of death at around one a.m. "suggested by the digestion rate of pineapple found in the child's stomach."
This estimate actually came from medical examiner Dr Werner Spitz. Thought this estimate was printed in Steve Thomas’s book, it was not an estimate that he made up himself.
41. Plaintiff also theorizes, based on the presence of the unidentified matter in JonBenet's stomach that, contrary to Mrs. Ramsey's testimony, she was up during the night and fed JonBenet the pineapple. There is no evidence in the record that indicates when JonBenet ate the pineapple. Defendants state they did not feed JonBenet pineapple upon returning home from the White's party that evening. Mr. White does not recall if pineapple was served at his dinner party.
Carnes completely leaves out the key fact relating to the pineapple in Jonebent’s system: that a bowl of pineapple was found on the Ramseys’ dining room table, and every member of the Ramsey family denied putting it there. Testing determined that the pineapple in Jonbenet’s system was consistent “down to the rind” with the pineapple found in the bowl.
Leaving out this detail completely changes the way this evidence is interpreted, and renders the whole debate meaningless. It is obvious that the plaintiff did not merely say “Jonbenet had pineapple in her system therefore she was awake”. It seems that either Carnes did not understand the actual argument about the significance of the pineapple, or decided to take it out of context to make it easier for her to refute.
Carnes’ statement that “there is no evidence in the record that indicates when JonBenet ate the pineapple” is also misleading. The pineapple was known for a fact to be in her duodenum (small intestine). There was no food in Jonbenet’s stomach - proving that the pineapple was the last thing she ate. Furthermore, the only other food in Jonbenet’s system was “soft green fecal matter” in her lower intestine. This proves that the food she had eaten during the day (including the crab dinner she had eaten at the Whites house) was already digested at the time of her death - unlike the pineapple. This information, all of which is in the autopsy report, does provide factual sequencing information for when that pineapple was consumed. Carnes’ inaccurate statement that the pineapple was simply “in Jonbenet’s stomach” is a deliberate simplification of the actual evidence.
It is also worth mentioning that when Fleet White was asked “was pineapple served”, he replied “I don’t believe so”. I think most people would agree that “I don’t believe so” is a negative response.

Conclusion: “This is a Crime of A Criminal”

From reading carefully through Carnes’ ruling, it has struck me how different this crime seems, if you only look at the particular selection of “evidence” she was provided. It really is like looking at a completely different case.
It is obvious also that Carnes had an emotional response to this crime, and that she was encouraged at various points to view the crime on an emotional, rather than a rational, level. Just look at Lou Smit’s very first answer, in which he was asked to summarize his view of the case:
“The case tells me that this is a very, first of all, a very brutal and vicious murder. This is not a little doink on the head, Oops, I made a mistake and we are going to cover it up. This is a very brutal, vicious murder. The person who committed this is a very brutal, vicious person. That is generally what it tells me.”
The following quotes are also from Smit’s testimony: “the vicious blow” … “this man tortured JonBenet. This is a brutal and vicious crime” … “these are the injuries to JonBenet. They are very vicious and brutal. This is not the act of a parent” ... “ brutally bashed her head in” … “a very severe, brutal striking of the head” …. “Not only did he strangle her very viciously, but he crushed her skull” … “a very brutal and vicious pedophile that got into the house” …. “She was brutally murdered” … “This is a vicious and brutal crime. This is a crime of a criminal. John and Patsy Ramsey are not criminals. The person who did this is a criminal. And he is a very vicious and brutal criminal.”
This sort of language tells us a lot about why believers in the "intruder theory" see this case the way they do. It clearly had an enormous impact on Carnes’ overall view of this case. She says, towards the end of her verdict:
The Court has reviewed the autopsy photographs of JonBenet and they are gruesome … the evidence indicates that JonBenet was alive when strangled and may have tried to pull the garotte off her neck. Indeed, a neighbor heard the sound of screams. … Sadly, JonBenet's last moments were painful and terrifying … If Mrs. Ramsey had accidentally hit her child's head, one would think that, upon becoming aware that the child was still alive, the mother would have been just as likely to call an ambulance, as to commit a depraved torture/murder of the child.
Put yourself in Carnes’ shoes. You know nothing about this case. You’ve been presented with this horror story about sexual bondage, a stun gun, the slow “depraved torture” of a squirming, screaming child. You’ve been told about “unidentified footprints” and “unidentified hairs” and nobody has disputed this. Unaware that you have been fed false information, you are asked to weigh this gruesome picture against Chris Wolf’s theory--that a mother accidentally hit her child in an argument over bedwetting--for which he provides absolutely no evidence. It is very easy to see how somebody like Julie Carnes, provided with very narrow, limited picture of the evidence, could be led astray.
But take Lou Smit’s theories out of the equation, take away the theory of the “sophisticated knots” (debunked), the theory of the “fingernail marks” (debunked), the theory of the perimortem head blow (debunked), the theory of the “stun gun” (debunked), the theory of the multiple “screams” (debunked)--if you remove those theories from consideration, you are left with the hard evidence: Jonbenet was vaginally penetrated, she was struck once on the head, she was strangled with a cord 45 minutes after she had already fallen unconscious. These injuries are, of course, gruesome, as are any deliberate injuries inflicted on a child. But can we really say these injuries are of a level of “viciousness” and “brutality” that precludes a parent or sibling’s involvement?
How does one measure the “brutality” of the murder of a child? Is Jonbenet’s murder “more brutal” than the murder of Bella and Celeste Watts (murdered by their father) who were smothered and placed in an oil tank? Or six-year old Meika Jordan (murdered by her mother and step-father) whose autopsy showed “at least five significant impacts” to the head, missing chunks of hair, “widespread” visible bruises, as well as “significant trauma to her abdomen, which caused internal bleeding and tore her pancreas”? Or two-year-old James Bulger (murdered by two ten year old boys) who had a total of 42 separate injuries, including 10 skull fractures, paint splashed in his eye, and genital injuries? Or four-year-old Ryan Hawkins (murdered by his father) who received nine stab wounds? Or three-year-old Dennis Jurgens (murdered by his foster mother) who had lacerations and multiple generations of bruises covering most of his body, evidence of starvation, as well as scarring, burns and bite-marks on his genitals? Or five-year-old AJ Freund (murdered by his parents), who was found with “multiple blunt force injuries”? Compare the brutality of these crimes with Jonbenet Ramsey, who was struck once, and once only, who had no bruising on her body, and whose death was clearly staged to resemble something it wasn’t. Is there really a preponderance of evidence for Lou Smit to say “this is a crime of a criminal ... this is not the act of a parent”?
I hope this list of inaccuracies can serve as the rebuttal that Chris Wolf was too inept to present.
To those Ramsey-supporters (Paula Woodward) who continue to pretend that the Carnes ruling is a reliable source, I hope you read these posts with an open mind, and reconsider some of your own emotional assumptions about this case. Please stop citing Carnes.
submitted by straydog77 to JonBenetRamsey [link] [comments]


2019.10.15 05:36 enorage 2019 Virginia Elections Megathread

Hi folks!
It's that time of year again. Elections are coming up which means another elections megathread! Posts related to the 2019 Virginia election will be allowed on election day, but until then, let's keep it in here.
Important Information
The following information was retrieved from Virginia's Department of Elections on October 14th, 2019 at 11:19PM:
Date Event
Tuesday, October 15, 2019 Deadline to register to vote, or update an existing registration
Tuesday, October 29, 2019 Deadline to request an absentee ballot to be mailed to you
Saturday, November 2, 2019 Deadline to vote in-person absentee
Tuesday, November 5th, 2019 General Elections
Locate your polling place and view which districts you belong to.
Candidates and Local Ballot Measures can be found here: https://www.elections.virginia.gov/casting-a-ballot/candidate-list/index.html
Have any politically neutral resources that may be of use? Tag me and I'll add it in.

House of Delegates Candidates

This list was populated by viewing the Ballotpedia's VA House of Delegates site which links to a map of Districts. Districts were selected based on which ones were east-of/including Loudoun, North-of/including PWC. The resources below were largely retrieved from the VA DoE's list of candidates accessed October 14th around 11:30pm. Websites that were not listed were searched via Google and filled in.
District Party Candidate Website
2 Democratic Jennifer D. Carroll Foy http://www.jennifercarrolfoy.org
2 Republican Heather F. Mitchell http://mitchellfordelegate.com
10 Democratic Wendy W. Gooditis http://www.wendygooditis.com
10 Republican J. Randall "Randy" Minchew http://www.minchewfordelegate.com
13 Republican Kelly S. McGinn http://kellymcginn.com
13 Democratic Danica A. Roem http://www.danicaroem.com
18 Democratic Laura L. Galante http://www.galantefordelegate.com
18 Republican Michael J. Webert http://www.michaelwebert.com
31 Democratic Elizabeth R. Guzman http://www.elizabethguzmanforvirginia.com
31 Republican Darrell H. "D.J." Jordan, Jr. http://votedj.com
32 Democratic David A. Reid http://www.delegatedavidreid.com
34 Democratic Kathleen J. Murphy https://www.murphyfordelegate.com/
34 Republican Gary G. Pan http://www.panforvirginia.com
35 Democratic Mark L. Keam http://www.markkeam.com
37 Democratic David L. Bulova http://davidbulova.com
38 Democratic L. Kaye Kory https://www.kayekoryva.com/
39 Republican Nick O. Bell http://www.bell2019.com
39 Democratic Vivian E. Watts http://www.vivianwatts.com
40 Democratic Dan I. Helmer http://www.danhelmer.com
40 Republican Timothy D. "Tim" Hugo http://www.timhugo.com
41 Democratic Eileen Filler-Corn http://www.eileenfillercorn.com
41 Libertarian Rachel D. Mace
41 Independent John M. Wolfe http://www.wolfe2019.com
42 Republican Steve P. Adragna http://www.steveadragna.us
42 Democratic Kathy K. L. Tran http://www.kathyfordelegate.com
43 Independent G. Gail Parker
43 Democratic Mark D. Sickles http://www.marksickles.com/
44 Republican Richard T. Hayden http://haydenfordelegate.com
44 Democratic Paul E. Krizek http://www.paulkrizek.com
45 Democratic Mark H. Levine http://www.markfordelegate.com
46 Democratic Charniele L. Herring http://www.charnieleherring.com
47 Democratic Patrick A. Hope http://hopeforvirginia.org
48 Democratic Richard C. "Rip" Sullivan, Jr. http://www.ripsullivan.com
49 Democratic Alfonso H. Lopez http://alfonsolopez.org
49 Independent Terry W. Modglin http://terrymodglinfordelegate.com/
50 Democratic Lee J. Carter http://www.carterforvirginia.com
50 Republican Ian T. Lovejoy http://www.lovejoy.com
51 Republican Richard L. Anderson http://www.richanderson.com
51 Democratic Hala Sophia Ayala http://www.ayalafordelegate.com
52 Republican Maria E. Martin
52 Democratic Luke E. Torian http://www.delegatetorian.com
53 Democratic Marcus B. Simon http://www.marcussimon.com
67 Democratic Karrie K. Delaney http://www.karriedelaney.com
86 Democratic Ibraheem S. Samirah http://www.samirah4delegate.com
87 Republican William M. "Bill" Drennan, Jr. http://drennanfordelegate.com
87 Democratic Suhas Subramanyam http://www.suhasforvirginia.com

Senate of Virginia Candidates

This list was populated by viewing the Ballotpedia's VA Senate info which links to a map of Districts. Districts were selected based on which ones were east-of/including Loudoun, North-of/including PWC. The resources below were largely retrieved from the VA DoE's list of candidates accessed October 14th around 11:30pm. Websites that were not available were searched via Google and filled in.
District Party Candidate Website
13 Democratic John J. Bell http://www.voteforjohnbell.com
13 Republican Geary M. Higgins http://www.gearyhiggins.com
28 Democratic Qasim Rashid http://www.qasimforVA.com
28 Republican Richard H. Stuart https://www.stuartforsenate.com/
29 Democratic Jeremy S. McPike http://www.mcpikeforsenate.com
30 Democratic Adam P. Ebbin http://www.adamebbin.com
31 Democratic Barbara A. Favola http://www.barbarafavola.org
32 Democratic Janet D. Howell http://www.janethowell.com
32 Republican Arthur G. Purves http://votepurves.org
33 Republican Suzanne D. Fox http://www.suzanneforsenate.com
33 Democratic Jennifer B. Boysko http://www.jenniferboysko.com
34 Democratic J. C. "Chap" Petersen http://www.fairfaxsenator.com
35 Democratic Richard L. "Dick" Saslaw http://www.dicksaslaw.com
36 Democratic Scott A. Surovell http://www.scottsurovell.org
37 Democratic Dave W. Marsden http://marsdenforsenate.com
39 Democratic George L. Barker
39 Republican S. W. "Dutch" Hillenburg http://www.hillenburgforsenate.com

Local Candidates

Many thanks to u/sffx with help adding more candidate websites!
Locality Office Title District Party Candidate Website
Alexandria City Clerk of Court Democratic J. Greg Parks https://www.parksforclerk.com
Arlington County Commissioner of Revenue Democratic Ingrid H. Morroy http://www.voteforingrid.org
Arlington County Commonwealth's Attorney Democratic Parisa Dehghani-Tafti http://parisaforjustice.com
Arlington County Member County Board Independent Audrey R. Clement http://audreyclement.com
Arlington County Member County Board Democratic Kate A. "Katie" Cristol http://katiecristol.com
Arlington County Member County Board Independent Arron O'Dell https://ritzao.wixsite.com/ao4arl
Arlington County Member County Board Democratic Christian E. Dorsey http://www.christiandorsey.org
Arlington County Member School Board Independent Reid S. Goldstein http://reidgoldstein.com/
Arlington County Sheriff Democratic Elizabeth F. "Beth" Arthur http://re-electsheriffbetharthur.com
Arlington County Treasurer Democratic Carla F. de la Pava http://carlafortreasurer.com
Fairfax City Commonwealth's Attorney Democratic Steve T. Descano http://www.stevedescano.com
Fairfax City Commonwealth's Attorney Independent Jonathan L. Fahey https://www.jonforfairfax.com/
Fairfax City Sheriff Independent Christopher F. DeCarlo http://www.honestyandethics.com
Fairfax City Sheriff Democratic Stacey Ann Kincaid https://www.staceykincaid.com/
Fairfax County Chairman-Board of Supervisors Republican Joseph F. Galdo http://galdoforchairman.com
Fairfax County Chairman-Board of Supervisors Democratic Jeffrey C. McKay http://www.mckayforchairman.com
Fairfax County Commonwealth's Attorney Democratic Steve T. Descano http://www.stevedescano.com
Fairfax County Commonwealth's Attorney Independent Jonathan L. Fahey https://www.jonforfairfax.com/
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors BRADDOCK DISTRICT Independent Carey Chet Campbell http://www.VoteJoinRun.us
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors BRADDOCK DISTRICT Republican S. Jason Remer http://JasonforBraddock.org
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors BRADDOCK DISTRICT Democratic James R. Walkinshaw http://www.jameswalkinshaw.org
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors DRANESVILLE DISTRICT Democratic John W. Foust http://www.foustforsupervisor.com
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors DRANESVILLE DISTRICT Republican Ed R. Martin, Jr.
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors HUNTER MILL DISTRICT Democratic Walter L. Alcorn http://www.walteralcorn.com
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors LEE DISTRICT Democratic Rodney L. Lusk http://luskforsupervisor.com
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors MASON DISTRICT Republican Gary N. Aiken http://www.thegpac.com
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors MASON DISTRICT Democratic Penelope A. "Penny" Gross http://www.pennygross.com
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors MOUNT VERNON DISTRICT Democratic Daniel G. "Dan" Storck http://WWW.DANSTORCK.ORG
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors PROVIDENCE DISTRICT Democratic Dalia A. Palchik http://www.daliaforsupervisor.com
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors SPRINGFIELD DISTRICT Republican Patrick S. "Pat" Herrity http://www.patherrity.org
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors SPRINGFIELD DISTRICT Democratic Linda D. Sperling http://www.sperlingforsupervisor.com
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors SULLY DISTRICT Republican Srilekha R. Palle https://palleforsully.com/
Fairfax County Member Board of Supervisors SULLY DISTRICT Democratic Kathy L. Smith http://www.kathysmith.org
Fairfax County Member School Board BRADDOCK DISTRICT Independent Megan O. McLaughlin http://megan4schools.com
Fairfax County Member School Board BRADDOCK DISTRICT Independent Zia A. Tompkins http://www.4braddockschoool.com
Fairfax County Member School Board DRANESVILLE DISTRICT Independent Anastasia S. Karloutsos http://www.vote4anastasia.com
Fairfax County Member School Board DRANESVILLE DISTRICT Independent Ardavan Mobasheri https://www.ardavan2019.com/
Fairfax County Member School Board DRANESVILLE DISTRICT Independent Elaine V. Tholen http://www.elainetholen.com
Fairfax County Member School Board HUNTER MILL DISTRICT Independent Laura Ramirez Drain http://www.vote4laura.com
Fairfax County Member School Board HUNTER MILL DISTRICT Independent Melanie K. Meren https://melaniemeren.com/
Fairfax County Member School Board LEE DISTRICT Independent Tamara J. Derenak Kaufax http://www.kaufaxforschools.com
Fairfax County Member School Board MASON DISTRICT Independent Ricardy J. Anderson https://www.ricardy4masonkids.com/
Fairfax County Member School Board MASON DISTRICT Independent Tom L. Pafford http://are-you-happy-yet.com
Fairfax County Member School Board MOUNT VERNON DISTRICT Independent Karen L. Corbett Sanders http://www.karen4schools.com
Fairfax County Member School Board MOUNT VERNON DISTRICT Independent Steven D. Mosley https://www.stevendmosley.com/
Fairfax County Member School Board MOUNT VERNON DISTRICT Independent Pamela C. Ononiwu
Fairfax County Member School Board PROVIDENCE DISTRICT Independent Andrea L. "Andi " Bayer http://andrea4schoolboard.com
Fairfax County Member School Board PROVIDENCE DISTRICT Independent Karl V. Frisch http://karlfrisch.com
Fairfax County Member School Board SPRINGFIELD DISTRICT Independent Laura Jane H. Cohen http://www.laurajanecohen.com
Fairfax County Member School Board SPRINGFIELD DISTRICT Independent R. Kyle McDaniel http://www.kylemcdaniel.org
Fairfax County Member School Board SPRINGFIELD DISTRICT Independent Elizabeth L. Schultz http://schultzforschoolboard.com
Fairfax County Member School Board SULLY DISTRICT Independent Stella G. Pekarsky http://www.stellapekarsky.com
Fairfax County Member School Board SULLY DISTRICT Independent Tom A. Wilson http://www.tomwilson4schoolboard.com
Fairfax County Member School Board At Large Independent Cheryl A. Buford http://cherylbuford.com
Fairfax County Member School Board At Large Independent Priscilla M. DeStefano http://www.priscillaforfairfax.com
Fairfax County Member School Board At Large Independent Rachna Sizemore Heizer http://www.electrachna.com
Fairfax County Member School Board At Large Independent Karen A. Keys-Gamarra http://karen4fairfaxkids.com
Fairfax County Member School Board At Large Independent Abrar E. Omeish http://www.abraromeish.com
Fairfax County Member School Board At Large Independent Vinson Xavier Palathingal http://www.vinsonforschoolboard.com
Fairfax County Sheriff Independent Christopher F. DeCarlo http://www.honestyandethics.com
Fairfax County Sheriff Democratic Stacey Ann Kincaid https://www.staceykincaid.com/
Fairfax County Soil and Water Conservation Director Northern Virginia District Independent Monica A. Billger
Fairfax County Soil and Water Conservation Director Northern Virginia District Independent Christopher A. Bowen http://www.bowenforfairfax.com
Fairfax County Soil and Water Conservation Director Northern Virginia District Independent C. Jane Dudik
Fairfax County Soil and Water Conservation Director Northern Virginia District Independent Chris E. Koerner
Fairfax County Soil and Water Conservation Director Northern Virginia District Independent Edward F. McGovern
Fairfax County Soil and Water Conservation Director Northern Virginia District Independent Gerald Owen "Jerry" Peters, Jr http://vote4soilandwater.org
Fairfax County Soil and Water Conservation Director Northern Virginia District Independent Jonah E. "Jet" Thomas
Falls Church City Commonwealth's Attorney Democratic Parisa Dehghani-Tafti http://parisaforjustice.com
Falls Church City Member City Council Independent Philip D. Duncan http://www.duncan4fc.com
Falls Church City Member City Council Independent Letty C. Hardi http://lettyhardi.org
Falls Church City Member City Council Independent P. David "Dave" Tarter http://www.davidtarterforfallschurch.com
Falls Church City Member City Council Independent Stuart M. Whitaker http://www.stuartmwhitaker.com
Falls Church City Member School Board Independent Susan C. Dimock https://www.dimock4fallschurch.org/
Falls Church City Member School Board Independent Laura T. Downs
Falls Church City Member School Board Independent Philip R. Reitinger http://www.reitinger.org
Falls Church City Member School Board Independent Douglass G. Stevens https://douglassstevens.com/
Loudoun County Chairman Board of Supervisors Independent Robert J. Ohneiser
Loudoun County Chairman Board of Supervisors Democratic Phyllis J. Randall http://www.friendsofphyllisrandall.com
Loudoun County Chairman Board of Supervisors Republican John C. L. Whitbeck, Jr. http://LoudounChairman.com
Loudoun County Commissioner of Revenue Democratic Sri S. Amudhanar http://www.friendsofsriamudhanar.org
Loudoun County Commissioner of Revenue Republican Robert S. "Bob" Wertz, Jr. https://bobwertz.org/
Loudoun County Commonwealth's Attorney Democratic Buta Biberaj http://www.Biberaj2019.com
Loudoun County Commonwealth's Attorney Republican M. Nicole Wittmann http://nicolewittmann.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors ALGONKIAN DISTRICT Democratic Juli E. Briskman http://www.briskmanforsupervisor.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors ALGONKIAN DISTRICT Republican Suzanne M. Volpe http://www.suzannevolpe.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors ASHBURN DISTRICT Republican D. M. "Mick" Staton, Jr. http://www.Mick4Ashburn.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors ASHBURN DISTRICT Democratic Michael R. "Mike" Turner http://www.miketurnerforashburn.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors BLUE RIDGE DISTRICT Republican Tony R. Buffington, Jr. http://www.votetonybuffington.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors BLUE RIDGE DISTRICT Democratic Tia L. Walbridge http://www.tia4va.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors BROAD RUN DISTRICT Republican James G. "Jim" Bonfils http://www.jimbonfils.org
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors BROAD RUN DISTRICT Democratic Sylvia Russell Glass http://sylviaglass2019.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors CATOCTIN DISTRICT Republican Caleb A. Kershner https://calebforcatoctin.com/
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors CATOCTIN DISTRICT Independent Sam R. Kroiz http://www.samforsupervisor.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors CATOCTIN DISTRICT Democratic J. Forest Hayes http://www.foresthayes.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors DULLES DISTRICT Republican Matthew F. Letourneau http://www.mattforsupervisor.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors DULLES DISTRICT Democratic Sree R. Nagireddi http://www.sreefordulles.com/
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors LEESBURG DISTRICT Democratic Kristen C. Umstattd http://www.kristenumstattd.com
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors STERLING DISTRICT Independent W. Damien P. Katsirubas
Loudoun County Member Board of Supervisors STERLING DISTRICT Democratic Koran T. Saines http://www.koranforsterling.com
Loudoun County Member School Board ALGONKIAN DISTRICT Independent Atoosa R. Reaser http://www.atoosareaser.com
Loudoun County Member School Board ALGONKIAN DISTRICT Independent Melanie F. Turner https://melanieturner4schoolboard.com/
Loudoun County Member School Board ASHBURN DISTRICT Independent Eric D. Hornberger http://voteerichornberger.org
Loudoun County Member School Board ASHBURN DISTRICT Independent Harris Mahedavi http://www.harris4ashburn.org
Loudoun County Member School Board BLUE RIDGE DISTRICT Independent Ian J. Serotkin https://iamserotkin.org
Loudoun County Member School Board BLUE RIDGE DISTRICT Independent Ram Venkatachalam http://www.ram4blueridge.com
Loudoun County Member School Board BROAD RUN DISTRICT Independent Andrew T. Hoyler http://www.votehoyler.com
Loudoun County Member School Board BROAD RUN DISTRICT Independent Leslee M. King http://www.lesleeking.com/
Loudoun County Member School Board CATOCTIN DISTRICT Independent Jenna M. Alexander http://www.jennaforcatoctin.org
Loudoun County Member School Board CATOCTIN DISTRICT Independent John P. Beatty http://jb4va.com
Loudoun County Member School Board CATOCTIN DISTRICT Independent Zerell S. Johnson-Welch http://zerellforcatoctin.com
Loudoun County Member School Board DULLES DISTRICT Independent Jeff E. Morse http://www.electjeffmorse.com
Loudoun County Member School Board LEESBURG DISTRICT Independent Beth R. Barts
Loudoun County Member School Board LEESBURG DISTRICT Independent Joe J. Newcomer http://newcomerforleesburg.com
Loudoun County Member School Board STERLING DISTRICT Independent Mike J. Neely https://mike4office.com/
Loudoun County Member School Board STERLING DISTRICT Independent Brenda L. Sheridan https://www.brendasheridan.com/
Loudoun County Member School Board At Large Independent Denise R. Corbo http://www.corbo4lcps.com
Loudoun County Member School Board At Large Independent Kenya A. Savage http://www.electkenyasavage.com
Loudoun County Member School Board At Large Independent Julia L. "Julie" Sisson http://electjuliesisson.com
Loudoun County Sheriff Republican Michael L. "Mike" Chapman http://SheriffMikeChapman.com
Loudoun County Sheriff Democratic Justin P. Hannah http://www.justinhannah.com
Loudoun County Soil and Water Conservation Director Loudoun District Independent John P. Flannery II http://www.johnpflannery.com
Loudoun County Soil and Water Conservation Director Loudoun District Independent George Melik-Agamirian
Loudoun County Soil and Water Conservation Director Loudoun District Independent Marina R. Schumacher
Loudoun County Soil and Water Conservation Director Loudoun District Independent Jasvinder "Jimmy" Singh
Loudoun County Soil and Water Conservation Director Loudoun District Independent Michelle C. Thomas http://www.PastorMichelle4VA.com
Loudoun County Soil and Water Conservation Director Loudoun District Independent James K. Wylie
Loudoun County Treasurer Democratic Kannan Srinivasan http://www.kannanforloudoun.com
Loudoun County Treasurer Republican H. Roger Zurn, Jr.
Manassas City Commonwealth's Attorney Democratic Amy K. Ashworth http://voteashworth.com
Manassas City Commonwealth's Attorney Republican Michael C. "Mike" May http://www.votemikemay.com
Manassas City Member City Council Manassas City DISTRICT Republican Lynn Forkell Greene http://lynnforcouncil.com
Manassas City Member City Council Manassas City DISTRICT Democratic Ralph J. Smith http://www.ralphjsmith.com
Manassas City Member School Board Independent Peter B. O'Hanlon
Manassas City Member School Board Independent Lisa Anne Stevens https://www.lisa4manassas.com/
Manassas City Sheriff Independent Rhonda L. Dickson http://rhondadicksonforsheriff.com
Manassas City Sheriff Republican Glen Hill, Sr.
Manassas City Sheriff Democratic Joshua Lavon King http://www.king2019.com
Manassas Park City Commonwealth's Attorney Democratic Amy K. Ashworth http://voteashworth.com
Manassas Park City Commonwealth's Attorney Republican Michael C. "Mike" May http://www.votemikemay.com
Manassas Park City Sheriff Independent Rhonda L. Dickson http://rhondadicksonforsheriff.com
Manassas Park City Sheriff Republican Glen Hill, Sr.
Manassas Park City Sheriff Democratic Joshua Lavon King http://www.king2019.com
Prince William County Chairman - Board of Supervisors Independent Muneer A. Baig http://WWW.MUNEERBAIG.COM
Prince William County Chairman - Board of Supervisors Republican John S. Gray http://johngrayforchairman.com
Prince William County Chairman - Board of Supervisors Independent Donald E. Scoggins
Prince William County Chairman - Board of Supervisors Democratic Ann B. Wheeler https://www.wheelerforpwc.com/
Prince William County Chairman - School Board Independent Stanley Bender
Prince William County Chairman - School Board Independent Babur B. Lateef https://www.lateef4chair.com
Prince William County Chairman - School Board Independent Alyson A. Satterwhite http://WWW.ALYSONFORCHAIR.COM
Prince William County Commonwealth's Attorney Democratic Amy K. Ashworth http://voteashworth.com
Prince William County Commonwealth's Attorney Republican Michael C. "Mike" May http://www.votemikemay.com
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors BRENTSVILLE DISTRICT Democratic M. M. "Maggie" Hansford https://maggiehansford.com/
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors BRENTSVILLE DISTRICT Republican Jeanine M. Lawson http://jeaninelawson.com
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors COLES DISTRICT Democratic Raheel A. Sheikh https://raheel4supervisor.com/
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors COLES DISTRICT Republican Yesli I. Vega https://yestoyesli.com
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors GAINESVILLE DISTRICT Republican Peter K. Candland http://www.petecandland.com
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors GAINESVILLE DISTRICT Democratic Danny W. Funderburk http://danny4pwc.com
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors OCCOQUAN DISTRICT Republican Ruth M. Anderson http://www.ruth4supervisor.com
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors NEABSCO DISTRICT Democratic Victor S. Angry http://www.angryforsupervisor.com
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors OCCOQUAN DISTRICT Democratic Kenny Allen Boddye https://kennyforsupervisor.com/
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors POTOMAC DISTRICT Democratic Andrea O. Bailey http://www.voteandreabailey.com
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors POTOMAC DISTRICT Republican Douglas S. Taggart http://dtaggartforsupervisor.com
Prince William County Member Board of Supervisors WOODBRIDGE DISTRICT Democratic Margaret Angela Franklin https://margaretforwoodbridge.com/
Prince William County Member School Board BRENTSVILLE DISTRICT Independent Shawn L. Brann https://www.brann4brentsville.com/
Prince William County Member School Board BRENTSVILLE DISTRICT Independent Adele E. Jackson http://www.adeleforschoolboard.com/
Prince William County Member School Board COLES DISTRICT Independent William J. "Willie" Deutsch http://www.willie4schoolboard.com/
Prince William County Member School Board COLES DISTRICT Independent Jacqueline M. Gaston https://jg4pwcsboard.org/
Prince William County Member School Board COLES DISTRICT Independent Lisa A. Zargarpur http://lisazargarpur.com
Prince William County Member School Board GAINESVILLE DISTRICT Independent Patricia A. Kuntz https://www.pattyforpwc.com/
Prince William County Member School Board GAINESVILLE DISTRICT Independent Jennifer T. Wall https://jenwallforpwcs.com/
Prince William County Member School Board NEABSCO DISTRICT Independent Joseph H. "Joe" George http://www.josephgeorge4neabsco.com
Prince William County Member School Board NEABSCO DISTRICT Independent Diane L. Raulston https://neabscopwc.com/index.html
Prince William County Member School Board OCCOQUAN DISTRICT Independent Karen L. Boyd https://klboyd4schoolboard.com/
Prince William County Member School Board OCCOQUAN DISTRICT Independent Lillie G. Jessie https://www.friendsoflilliejessie.com/
Prince William County Member School Board POTOMAC DISTRICT Independent Justin David Wilk http://JustinWilk.com
Prince William County Member School Board WOODBRIDGE DISTRICT Independent Loree Y. Williams
Prince William County Sheriff Independent Rhonda L. Dickson http://rhondadicksonforsheriff.com
Prince William County Sheriff Republican Glen Hill, Sr.
Prince William County Sheriff Democratic Joshua Lavon King http://www.king2019.com
Prince William County Soil and Water Conservation Director Prince William District Independent Tiziana Bottino
Prince William County Soil and Water Conservation Director Prince William District Independent Stephanie J. Cornnell
Prince William County Soil and Water Conservation Director Prince William District Independent Mansimran Singh Kahlon
Prince William County Soil and Water Conservation Director Prince William District Independent Tammi R. Lambert
Prince William County Soil and Water Conservation Director Prince William District Independent Will A. Lintner

Ballot Measures

Below information was accessed on the Virginia Dept of Elections list of Referenda on October 14th, 2019 at 11:42pm
Locality Name Jurisdiction Type Election Question Title Election Question Descr
Fairfax County Locality Public School Bonds Shall Fairfax County, Virginia, contract a debt, borrow money, and issue capital improvement bonds in the maximum aggregate principal amount of $360,000,000 for the purposes of providing funds, in addition to funds from school bonds previously authorized, to finance, including reimbursement to the County for temporary financing for, the costs of school improvements, including acquiring, building, expanding and renovating properties, including new sites, new buildings or additions, renovations and improvements to existing buildings, and furnishings and equipment, for the Fairfax County public school system?
Loudoun County Locality 1. School Projects Shall the County of Loudoun, Virginia contract a debt and issue its general obligation capital improvement bonds in the maximum principal amount of $93,940,000 to finance, in whole or in part, the costs to design, construct, and equip Middle School Classroom Additions; the costs to design, construct, and equip MS-14 Dulles North Middle School; and the costs of other public school facilities as requested by the Loudoun County School Board?
Loudoun County Locality 2. Public Safety Projects Shall the County of Loudoun, Virginia contract a debt and issue its general obligation capital improvement bonds in the maximum principal amount of $22,870,000 to finance, in whole or in part, the costs to design, construct, and equip a Fire and Rescue Recruit Training Facility; the costs to design, construct, and equip Leesburg South Fire Station Renovations; and the costs of other public safety facilities approved in the County's Capital Improvement Program?
Loudoun County Locality 3. Parks and Recreation Projects Shall the County of Loudoun, Virginia contract a debt and issue its general obligation capital improvement bonds in the maximum principal amount of $41,795,000 to finance, in whole or in part, the costs to design, construct, and equip Fields Farm Park; the costs to design, construct, and equip Lovettsville District Park Phase II; the costs to design, construct, and equip Philip A. Bolen Park Phase II; the costs to design, construct, and equip Scott Jenkins Park Phase III; and the costs of other public park, recreational and community center facilities projects approved in the County's Capital Improvement Program?
Loudoun County Locality 4. Transportation Projects Shall the County of Loudoun, Virginia contract a debt and issue its general obligation capital improvement bonds in the maximum principal amount of $56,885,000 to finance, in whole or in part, the costs to design and construct an interchange at Route 7 and Hillsboro Road; the costs to design and construct a roundabout at Route 50 and Trailhead Boulevard; the costs to design and construct improvements to Westwind Drive; the costs to design and construct a Sterling Boulevard and W&OD Overpass; the costs to design and construct Route 7 Pedestrian Crossings; and the costs of other public road and transportation projects approved in the County's Capital Improvement Program?
Prince William County Locality 1. MOBILITY/ROAD IMPROVEMENT BONDS Shall Prince William County, Virginia, contract a debt, borrow money, and issue its general obligation capital improvement bonds in the maximum aggregate principal amount of $355,000,000 to provide funds (including reimbursement to the County for temporary financing) for the purpose of financing the costs of acquiring, designing, constructing and improving the following mobility/road improvement projects in the County: Devlin Road Widening; Route 28 Bypass/Widening; Minnieville Road/Prince William Parkway Interchange; Old Bridge Road/Gordon Boulevard Intersection; and Summit School Road Extension?
Prince William County Locality 2. PARK IMPROVEMENT BONDS - OUTDOOR FACILITIES Shall Prince William County, Virginia, contract a debt, borrow money, and issue its general obligation capital improvement bonds in the maximum aggregate principal amount of $41,000,000 to provide funds (including reimbursement to the County for temporary financing) for the purpose of financing the costs of acquiring, designing, constructing and improving the following park improvement projects in the County: Howison Park Improvements; New Neabsco Park Development; Fuller Heights Park Expansion; Hellwig Park Artificial Turf Fields; and Countywide Trail (including, but not limited to, the Occoquan Greenway and Neabsco Greenway), Open-Space and Accessibility Projects?
Prince William County Town of Dumfries OFFTRACK PARI-MUTUEL WAGERING Shall pari-mutuel wagering be permitted in the Town of Dumfries at satellite facilities in accordance with Chapter 29 (§ 59.1-364 et seq.) of Title 59.1 of the Code of Virginia?

Links

Check your registration status! - thanks u/TK421actual!
In Fairfax County? Get a sample ballot also you can look up your precinct - thanks u/sffx
In Loudoun County? Get a sample ballot also you can look up your precinct- thanks u/__blackout!
NOTE: The information provided in this top-level post is provided and updated on a best-effort basis. Please validate and confirm all information. If you see an error, call it out so we can address it ASAP.
Also note that this is a public website -- be aware that there may be misinformation. Do your due diligence and validate/confirm claims. While certainly not required, backing up claims with sourced information can be helpful for those who wish to learn more about issues. Everyone is encouraged to participate in respectful debates.
submitted by enorage to nova [link] [comments]


2019.07.25 16:00 cilantro_samosa [OC] All-Time Hometown/Territorial Rosters!

Good morning y'all! Hope y'all are having a wonderful day! Thought I would contribute to my second-favourite sub (shoutout sweet onion chicken teriyaki) by posting something I've been working on for a while: all-time hometown rosters!
This is gonna be a very long post, so there's a TL;DR at the bottom. If you wanna just get to the lineups, hit control-f/command-f/find-in-page and search for Atlanta Hawks, or go to this Imgur album for visualizations with pictures and stats (I'm sorry for the quality, I had to do scrolling screenshots)!

Inspiration

Ever since LeBron went back to Cleveland, it's always fascinated me on what rosters would look like if everyone went home. The two posts that gained traction on this sub both used current rosters. This one used birth states, while this one improved on the prior by using high schools.

Player Pool and Team Pool

I used the top 250 players from the Career WS/48 Leaderboard on Basketball-Reference. I feel like this rewards contributions on the court without rewarding for longevity. But I did notice that AI was very low and Isiah Thomas was not even in the top 250. To include the players that advanced stats forgot, players from All-Time ESPN NBARank and Bill Simmons Hall of Fame Pyramid were incorporated. I know that Bill is the biggest homer and the book is now 10 years old, but what other ranking is big and reliable enough?

I used the 30 current teams and Seattle, because I still feel bad for them losing their team. To split up the Lakers and Clippers, I applied an idea from the high school roster post by giving the Clippers their proposed Inglewood site. I used Chase Center as the Warriors arena.

Who didn't make the cut?

Apologies in advance if your favourite player didn't make the snubs list.
Very likely to make it next season (14000+ minutes, over 0.1238 WS/48) Notable Active Players Under 0.1238 WS/48 (4+ AllStar Selections) Under Minutes Requirement, Over 0.1238 WS/48 Notable Retired Players under 0.1238 WS/48 (4+ AllStars)
Kawhi Leonard (14404 MP, 0.219 WS/48, Fun Guy) DeMarcus Cousins (0.117 WS/48) Kenny Sears (14923 MP, 0.179 WS/48, 2x AllStar) Mitch Richmond (Hall of Fame, 5x All-NBA, 0.111 WS/48)
Draymond Green (14979 MP, 0.139 WS/48) DeMar DeRozan (0.113 WS/48) Cedric Ceballos (14712 MP, 0.132 WS/48, 1x AllStar) Rolando Blackman (4x AllStar, 0.113 WS/48)
Isaiah Thomas (14257 MP, 0.152 WS/48) Klay Thompson (0.11 WS/48, scaffolding expert) Doug Collins (13945 MP, 0.131 WS/48, 4x AllStar) Jermaine O’Neal (3x All-NBA, 0.116 WS/48)
Rajon Rondo (0.107 WS/48) Raef LaFrentz (14545 MP, 0.13 WS/48) Rudy LaRusso (5x AllStar, 0.12 WS/48)
John Wall (0.104 WS/48) Jon Barry (13880 MP, 0.129 WS/48) Alvin Robertson (1x DPOY, 6x All-Defense, 0.101 WS/48)
Joe Johnson (0.09 WS/48) Tom Boerwinkle (14387 MP, 0.127 WS/48) Richie Guerin (Hall of Fame, 3x All-NBA, 0.121 WS/48)
Maurice Lucas (5x AllStar, 0.11 WS/48)

The Process


At this point, here are the rosters for the 31-team hometown NBA without internationals
Most Productive Teams:
Least Productive Teams: Utah, San Antonio, Denver, Phoenix and Boston all only have one player

Next phase is to add international players

The last step was to consolidate and redistribute teams so that each team had at least a seven-man rotation but no more than 15 players (chose seven because I didn't want to have do any more redistribution lol)
Consolidation Winners
Houston- get the backbone of San Antonio’s dynasty in TD, TP and Manu
Lakers- go from an Amir-Arthur Becker frontline to a Kirilenko-Pau one

Conversely, some teams had too much talent, so I split them up (I wanted between 7 and 15 players for each team)
First split: Charlotte
Second split: Indiana
Third split: Chicago
Fourth split: New York and Brooklyn (This gave me the worst problems)

And with that, here are the all-time hometown rosters including internationals! (If you're more of a visual person, here's the imgur link where I also included key stats and awards)
Atlanta Hawks (State Farm Arena)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Walt Frazier Lou Williams Robert Horry Charles Barkley Artis Gilmore
Horace Grant Dwight Howard
Al Horford Dikembe Mutombo
Dale Davis Ben Wallace
Derrick Favors Tree Rollins
Brooklyn Nets (Barclays Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Bob Cousy Chris Mullin Julius Erving Connie Hawkins Taj Gibson
Lenny Wilkens Roger Brown Bernard King Anthony Mason
Wally Szczerbiak Billy Cunningham
Charlotte Hornets (Spectrum Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Steph Curry Ray Allen David Thompson James Worthy Kevin Garnett
Walter Davis Alex English Larry Nance Brad Daugherty
Bobby Jones Clifford Ray
Chicago Wolves (Allstate Arena)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Terry Porter Shawn Marion Giannis Antetokounmpo Kevin McHale Dan Issel
Fred Brown Don Nelson Vern Mikkelsen Bill Laimbeer
Chicago Bulls (United Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Maurice Cheeks Hersey Hawkins Toni Kukoc Anthony Davis George Mikan
Tim Hardaway Julian Hammond Terry Cummings
Chicago Sky (Wintrust Arena)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Isiah Thomas Dwyane Wade Chet Walker Shawn Kemp Jack Sikma
Doc Rivers Jeff Hornacek Corey Maggette
Cleveland Cavaliers (Quicken Loans Arena)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Hal Greer John Havlicek Jack Twyman LeBron James Neil Johnston
Larry Jones Pete Maravich Michael Redd Bob Lanier
Kevin Martin Billy Knight Nate Thurmond
Zydrunas Ilgauskas
Anderson Varejao
Dallas Mavericks (American Airlines Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Deron Williams Ricky Pierce Dennis Rodman Dirk Nowitzki Robert Parish
LaMarcus Aldridge Chris Bosh
Larry Johnson John Beasley
Donald Sidle
Detroit Pistons (Little Caesars Arena)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Magic Johnson Steve Smith George Gervin Chris Webber Mel Daniels
Archie Clark Dan Majerle Steve Mix Dave DeBusschere Dan Roundfield
Rudy Tomjanovich
Golden State Warriors (Chase Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Gary Payton Damian Lillard Jason Kidd Peja Stojakovic Bill Russell
Kevin Johnson Brent Barry Willie Wise Ryan Anderson Vlade Divac
Brook Lopez
Bill Cartwright
Jim Eakins
Greensboro Swarm (Greensboro Coliseum Complex)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Chris Paul Jerry West Michael Jordan Buck Williams Bob McAdoo
Sam Jones JJ Redick Cedric Maxwell Happy Hairston Walt Bellamy
Lou Hudson
Houston Rockets (Toyota Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Tony Parker Clyde Drexler Jimmy Butler Tim Duncan Hakeem Olajuwon
Joe Dumars Manu Ginobili Rashard Lewis Jeff Foster Yao Ming
DeAndre Jordan
Zelmo Beaty
Indiana Pacers (Bankers Life Fieldhouse)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Oscar Robertson Cliff Hagan Larry Bird Dave Cowens Wes Unseld
Mike Conley Terry Dischinger Gordon Hayward George McGinnis Clyde Lovellette
George Hill Jerry Lucas Brad Miller
Dave Robisch
Los Angeles Clippers (Inglewood Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Russell Westbrook James Harden Paul Pierce Kiki VanDeWeghe Bill Walton
Paul Westphal Bill Sharman George Yardley Jamaal Wilkes Tyson Chandler
Mack Calvin Dennis Johnson Cliff Levingston Swen Nater
Steve Kerr
Los Angeles Lakers (Staples Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Gilbert Arenas Reggie Miller Paul George Andrei Kirilenko Pau Gasol
Gail Goodrich Marques Johnson Tom Chambers Mehmet Okur
Arthur Becker Amir Johnson
Memphis Grizzlies (FedEx Forum)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Anfernee Hardaway Sidney Moncrief Scottie Pippen Karl Malone Willis Reed
Calvin Natt Bailey Howell Spencer Haywood
Marc Gasol
New Orleans Pelicans (Smoothie King Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Jimmy Jones James Silas John Drew Elvin Hayes Bob Pettit
Kerry Kittles Danny Granger Paul Millsap Al Jefferson
PJ Brown Greg Monroe
Hot Rod Williams Brandon Bass
New York Knicks (Madison Square Garden)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Tiny Archibald Larry Costello Mario Elie Dolph Schayes Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Gus Williams Elton Brand Patrick Ewing
Sam Perkins Joakim Noah
Ed Pinckney Tom Owens
Ray Felix
New Jersey Swamp Dragons (Prudential Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Calvin Murphy Kyrie Irving Ricky Barry Tom Heinsohn Shaquille O'Neal
David West Marcus Camby
Andre Drummond
Oklahoma City Thunder (Chesapeake Energy Arena)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Chauncey Billups Mark Price Danilo Gallinari Blake Griffin Alvan Adams
Serge Ibaka Nene Hilario
Orlando Magic (Amway Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Eddie Jones Tracy McGrady Vince Carter Amar'e Stoudemire Darryl Dawkins
Otis Thorpe Nikola Vucevic
Red Robbins
Philadelphia 76ers (Wells Fargo Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Kyle Lowry Kobe Bryant Paul Arizin Rasheed Wallace Wilt Chamberlain
Earl Monroe Larry Foust
Seattle SuperSonics (Key Arena)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
John Stockton Steve Nash Detlef Schrempf Kevin Love Arvydas Sabonis
Terrell Brandon Carlos Boozer Byron Beck
Spirits of St. Louis (Enterprise Center)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Jo Jo White Donnie Freeman Andre Iguodala Ed Macauley David Lee
Frank Ramsey Harry Gallatin
Washington Wizards (Capital One Arena)
Point Guard Shooting Guard Small Forward Power Forward Center
Allen Iverson Adrian Dantley Kevin Durant David Robinson Moses Malone
Sam Cassell Grant Hill Dominique Wilkins Elgin Baylor Alonzo Mourning
Ty Lawson Dave Bing Bob Dandridge Carmelo Anthony Marcin Gortat

Best Wings: Washington, Brooklyn, Cleveland
Best Guards: Clippers, Houston, Golden State, Greensboro
Best Bigs: Atlanta, Dallas, Houston, Washington, Memphis, New York

As for our 3 players who will join the leaderboard next year:

TL;DR

What did you do?
Why did you do it?
Who did you use?
How did you do it?
Where did you do it?
Are you a nephew?

If you made it this far, thank you for reading! I probably spent far too much time on this, and I don't know how well this is gonna be received, so I hope y'all enjoyed the read!
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2019.05.16 14:18 Awalkinthedawk Has anyone tried the strategy described in "Ultimate Sales Machine?" If so, what was your experience? Were you/was it successful?

Just finished listening to Ultimate Sales Machine by Chet Holmes on Audible (side note: Anthony Heald is an excellent narrator choice).
I really liked it because it lays out a very practical framework for a sales/marketing campaign to go after "Dream 100" clients. Most of the other top-list books are tactical or sales skill oriented which are valuable but never really helped me figure out how to organize my day, or what to do day in day out.

Edit: Here's a quick summary (which is better fleshed out here):

First/Main lesson is that instead of trying to do 4000 different strategies, focus on (these) 12 proven strategies with what he calls pig-headed discipline and determination to implement. This is along the same lines of other successful icons speaking about massive action, 10x action, w/e. Relentless execution is the key here.

Then he goes into the strategies. Some of them are for building the organization itself, some are for the actual sales activities.

Strategy 1: Time Management Secrets of Billionaires
Strategy 2: Instituting Higher Standards and Regular Training
Strategy 3: Executing Effective Meetings
Strategy 4: Becoming a Brilliant Strategist
Example: Using educational market data as your pitch offering, then your solution.
Strategy 5: Hiring Superstars
Strategy 6: The High Art of Getting the Best Buyers
Strategy 7: The Seven Musts of Marketing
· advertising
· corporate literature
· direct mail
· public relations
· market education
· personal contact
· the internet
Strategy 8: The Eyes Have It! (Building/Delivering Effective visually-rich Presentations)
Strategy 9: The Nitty-Gritty of Getting the Best Buyers
· Creating the Dream 100 List
· Day-to-day and step-by-step
· Creating a follow-up plan. What you will send each month, gifts, articles, newsletters, surveys, promos, press releases, etc.
Strategy 10: Sales Skills
· Building rapport
· Qualifying your buyer based on need
· Building value by matching your product to your customer’s buying criteria
· Creating a strong desire
· Overcoming objections
· Closing the sale
· Follow-up
Strategy 11: Follow-up and Client Bonding Skills
Strategy 12: All Systems Go (Measurement, Adjustment, Utilizing Feedback)

The aspect I like is, and especially in chapter 9, is that he spells out a step-by-step plan. Now it was written in 2007 and some of his tactics he's recounting from the 90s might be a little dated, but still good. He talks about what info to call with first, how often to call, planning the sending of letters, email, calls, etc for the best results.


Anyway, just wondering if anyone had taken the strategy and ran with it, and what it was like for you?
submitted by Awalkinthedawk to sales [link] [comments]